A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.

He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.

"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.

"Oh, This is Michelle"

This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkwrdgirl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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Son: What’s in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?

Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why. Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein Me: That son of a bitch!

And yes, just to be clear: not original, saw it on discord, checked this sub, 6 months since last time this joke was posted here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerry-cherry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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I first met my wife at a fancy dress party, where I was dressed as a ghost.

I decided to woo her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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What's a fancy term for coders being poached from a company?

Dev elopment

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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Everyone loves my "moderately large business agreement" costume at this fancy dress party.

I'm kind of a big deal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Why Did the Anthropologist Get Invited to Every Fancy Dinner?

Turns out he was a man of culture.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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I turned up at the fancy dress party dressed as a football.

I was immediately kicked out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Fancy stores are now adding bleach packets to their clothing that explodes if you try to steal them

Police say it’s a great a crime detergent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Last night I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a tea bag.

On the way home I got mugged.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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"Trousers" is a fancy words for pants

It's a fancy pants word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterspaceman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...

They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...

I knew there and then that she was the One!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I don’t get why people like fancy-cut cheese so much.

It’s not bad or anything, I just think it’s overgrated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeePeeCee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "

Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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For my wife's birthday I bought her the fancy new fridge that she wanted.

You should have seen her face light up when she opened it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishslap
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Just watched a video about fancy drills

It was pretty boring

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πŸ‘€︎ u/padawack2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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I walked into a bar and there was a whole line of people waiting to take a swing at me.

I guess you could call that a punch line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GLIZZYGOD999
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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A construction worker goes to a fancy restaurant and his a dress code problem.

The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:

Host Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.

The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.

Host Alright.... I guess you have a belt....You still need a jacket.

The man goes back out to his car and fishes out a jacket his wore to a wedding a year ago. He shares it off, brushes it with his hand, and puts it on.

Host Ok. You still need a tie. It is required.

The man goes out to his car. He doesn't have a tie. He puts on jumper cables and makes a perfect Windsor knot.

Host You have a belt and a jacket. I guess you have a tie.

Just don't try to start something....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WinnieTheEeyore
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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I once dated a girl that had a twin. . .

People always asked how I could tell them apart but it was pretty easy.

Jessica had purple fingernails, James had a dick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenFranksta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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Boxers don’t have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is?

They don't fancy each other.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I bought a fancy new toaster...

Despite all the new features, I was pretty shocked to find out it wasn’t waterproof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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What happens when you crash your fancy new car?

Your Mercedes bends

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Yesterday someone told me that whatever job I do at my bank isn't a fancy one, so I decided to do something about it.

I shifted my seat to look out of the window to stare at the wall directly across the street.

Imma wall street banker now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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A Brit, a Laotian, a Colombian, an American, an Indian, and a Egyptian wall into a fancy restaurant...

The doorman turns them back, saying β€œI’m sorry. We can’t let you in without a Thai.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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I've been invited to a Halloween fancy dress party in town.

To brighten things up a bit, I'll be going as The Sun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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A man ordered a glass of water at a fancy restaurant. It cost him 10 dollars. When the waiter delivered it, he asked the waiter why it was so expensive.

The waiter responds β€œIt’s tap quality”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chubbypants3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I don't really fancy doing yoga outside during lockdown

Namaste in instead...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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I’m really loving the tree puns people are posting

They’re just such lightwooded jokes but I understand that it doesn’t teaks everyone’s fancy. I’m running out of tree puns so I might have to branch off to other puns or spruce up my current ones

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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I got my family this new type of fancy European yogurt.

I hope it makes us more cultured.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reepicheep08
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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I caught my son eating some of my fancy cheese.

I said, "Leave my provolone alone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Anyone fancy some roasted nuts?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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what if I told you that cowboy clothes is just a fancy way of sayin ranch dressing?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bealosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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My Friend is going to a fancy dress party and said he's going to dress up as a small island off the coast of italy...

I said don't be Sicily.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matimo123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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My friend came to a fancy dress party wearing a suit and shoes made of bread.

He looked spiffy in his loafers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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I took my wife to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you, but she wasn't very happy.

I told her next time she can pick the restaurant, if she really hated Subway that much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JTxyz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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he fancy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotsTomBrady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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what do people win at fancy grammar competitions

a posh trophy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greeendino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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If you are craving fancy French bread, but live in a sketchy neighbourhood.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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Why did the melons have a big, fancy wedding?

Because they cantaloupe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSolo1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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"I really fancied Marilyn Monroe as a young boy," said my husband.

I said, "Marilyn Monroe was never a boy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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I went to a railway fancy dress party

Everyone was wearing platforms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I was invited to a fancy dress party with the theme of characters who find a magic lamp

I wasn't told the dress code so I wasn't Aladdin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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Southwest Airlines' snacks aren't fancy, you might say they're...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacogratis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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What do you say to the waiter who takes forever to bring your fancy pastry?

β€œHey!! Torte us!!!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Why did the ghost invest in a fancy microphone?

because he preferred to be heard in scary-o.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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A woman once claimed she could hit me from across the kitchen with a fancy bottle of herbs.

I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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My friend loves fancy cheese so much it's almost religious.

You might say she has a personal relationship with cheeses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfDa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Son: What’s in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?

Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.

Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein

Me: That son of a bitch!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StealthSpyda215
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The barman looked over at me and said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?"

"Why on Earth would I want two empty glasses?" I asked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report

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