A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Son: Whatβs in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?
Me: Well, thatβs your Uncle Frank. Thatβs where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why. Son: Maybe itβs so he could be Frank in Stein Me: That son of a bitch!
And yes, just to be clear: not original, saw it on discord, checked this sub, 6 months since last time this joke was posted here.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I first met my wife at a fancy dress party, where I was dressed as a ghost.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
What's a fancy term for coders being poached from a company?
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︎ Mar 09 2021
Everyone loves my "moderately large business agreement" costume at this fancy dress party.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Why Did the Anthropologist Get Invited to Every Fancy Dinner?
Turns out he was a man of culture.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I turned up at the fancy dress party dressed as a football.
I was immediately kicked out.
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Fancy stores are now adding bleach packets to their clothing that explodes if you try to steal them
Police say itβs a great a crime detergent
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Last night I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a tea bag.
On the way home I got mugged.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
"Trousers" is a fancy words for pants
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︎ Nov 27 2020
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
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︎ Nov 06 2020
I donβt get why people like fancy-cut cheese so much.
Itβs not bad or anything, I just think itβs overgrated.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
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︎ Mar 20 2020
For my wife's birthday I bought her the fancy new fridge that she wanted.
You should have seen her face light up when she opened it
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Just watched a video about fancy drills
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︎ Sep 23 2020
I walked into a bar and there was a whole line of people waiting to take a swing at me.
I guess you could call that a punch line
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︎ Mar 12 2021
A construction worker goes to a fancy restaurant and his a dress code problem.
The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:
Host Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.
The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.
Host Alright.... I guess you have a belt....You still need a jacket.
The man goes back out to his car and fishes out a jacket his wore to a wedding a year ago. He shares it off, brushes it with his hand, and puts it on.
Host Ok. You still need a tie. It is required.
The man goes out to his car. He doesn't have a tie. He puts on jumper cables and makes a perfect Windsor knot.
Host You have a belt and a jacket. I guess you have a tie.
Just don't try to start something....
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I once dated a girl that had a twin. . .
People always asked how I could tell them apart but it was pretty easy.
Jessica had purple fingernails, James had a dick.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
Boxers donβt have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is?
They don't fancy each other.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
I bought a fancy new toaster...
Despite all the new features, I was pretty shocked to find out it wasnβt waterproof.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
What happens when you crash your fancy new car?
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︎ Jan 31 2020
Yesterday someone told me that whatever job I do at my bank isn't a fancy one, so I decided to do something about it.
I shifted my seat to look out of the window to stare at the wall directly across the street.
Imma wall street banker now
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︎ Aug 09 2020
A Brit, a Laotian, a Colombian, an American, an Indian, and a Egyptian wall into a fancy restaurant...
The doorman turns them back, saying βIβm sorry. We canβt let you in without a Thai.β
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︎ Jun 04 2020
I've been invited to a Halloween fancy dress party in town.
To brighten things up a bit, I'll be going as The Sun.
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︎ Jun 24 2020
A man ordered a glass of water at a fancy restaurant. It cost him 10 dollars. When the waiter delivered it, he asked the waiter why it was so expensive.
The waiter responds βItβs tap qualityβ
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︎ Jun 16 2020
I don't really fancy doing yoga outside during lockdown
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︎ May 22 2020
Iβm really loving the tree puns people are posting
Theyβre just such lightwooded jokes but I understand that it doesnβt teaks everyoneβs fancy. Iβm running out of tree puns so I might have to branch off to other puns or spruce up my current ones
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︎ Feb 14 2021
I got my family this new type of fancy European yogurt.
I hope it makes us more cultured.
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︎ May 23 2020
I caught my son eating some of my fancy cheese.
I said, "Leave my provolone alone."
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︎ Feb 12 2020
Anyone fancy some roasted nuts?
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︎ Oct 22 2019
what if I told you that cowboy clothes is just a fancy way of sayin ranch dressing?
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︎ Aug 23 2019
My Friend is going to a fancy dress party and said he's going to dress up as a small island off the coast of italy...
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︎ Dec 18 2019
My friend came to a fancy dress party wearing a suit and shoes made of bread.
He looked spiffy in his loafers.
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︎ Nov 24 2019
I took my wife to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you, but she wasn't very happy.
I told her next time she can pick the restaurant, if she really hated Subway that much.
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︎ Aug 29 2019
he fancy
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︎ Apr 10 2019
what do people win at fancy grammar competitions
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︎ Dec 25 2018
If you are craving fancy French bread, but live in a sketchy neighbourhood.
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︎ Apr 28 2019
Why did the melons have a big, fancy wedding?
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︎ Sep 20 2019
"I really fancied Marilyn Monroe as a young boy," said my husband.
I said, "Marilyn Monroe was never a boy."
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︎ Oct 20 2019
I went to a railway fancy dress party
Everyone was wearing platforms
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︎ Oct 30 2019
I was invited to a fancy dress party with the theme of characters who find a magic lamp
I wasn't told the dress code so I wasn't Aladdin
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︎ Oct 08 2019
Southwest Airlines' snacks aren't fancy, you might say they're...
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︎ Feb 17 2019
What do you say to the waiter who takes forever to bring your fancy pastry?
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︎ Aug 31 2019
Why did the ghost invest in a fancy microphone?
because he preferred to be heard in scary-o.
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︎ Oct 02 2019
A woman once claimed she could hit me from across the kitchen with a fancy bottle of herbs.
I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.
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︎ Jul 27 2018
My friend loves fancy cheese so much it's almost religious.
You might say she has a personal relationship with cheeses.
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︎ Aug 19 2019
Son: Whatβs in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?
Me: Well, thatβs your Uncle Frank. Thatβs where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.
Son: Maybe itβs so he could be Frank in Stein
Me: That son of a bitch!
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︎ Oct 02 2020
The barman looked over at me and said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?"
"Why on Earth would I want two empty glasses?" I asked.
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︎ Oct 04 2019
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