Oh! False One, You Have Deceiv'd Me
I once glued a set of false teeth onto a boomerang...
... that came back to bite me.
I’m not sure if it’s true or false that he is the Prime Minister of Canada, but that his name is Justin
What do you can 2 false statements that are so bad they stun you?
Scam warning: do not reply to any job offers from Braxton Hicks.
Where do mansplainers get their water?
When I go grocery shopping, I always buy one pear
And then demand a second one, due to false advertising
Thought I heard someone say “Hello” in Arabic
But it was a false Salaam.
I was walking down the street and I heard someone saying hello in Arabic.
Turns out it was a false salaam.
I just saw a homeless man get arrested for cloaking himself in a blanket the cops falsely accused him of stealing...
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
People always say "let that sink in"
But there is never a sink at the door
When I was 12, I was disqualified from a track meet for too many false starts. To cheer me up, my Dad...
took me to Dairy Queen. As he handed me my medium Skor Blizzard he said, "Here you go, a DQ you can feel good about." I laughed and felt better.
What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
How are false teeth like stars?
My kid came home in tears after one too many True/False tests...
something needs to be done about boolean in schools
Teacher: “True or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia.”
Student: “False. It was written in ink.”
What did the cheetah say when she was falsely accused by the lioness?
You've got to believe me, I'm not lion!
The leader of a church kept making false doomsday predictions.
The church recently filed to be a non-prophet organization.
I told my 3yr old daughter "I'm tired."
"Oh. I thought you were daddy!"
I've never been so proud.
I'm on vacation in Vegas, and my hotel falsely advertised views of the Strip
Saw this store in the mall today called Justice, but it seems like false advertising.
Nothing says false enthusiasm like...
Why do military bases have such little amounts of insects?
Because they are strict no-fly zones.
I personally invented the idea of using puns in a joke!
OK, that one's patently false.
Apparently someone got arrested here for making false instruments.
I guess those instruments must have been lyres.
Not your false one
For his school ID card and such, my brother needed to procure a picture of himself, so naturally he took a selfie. He was so proud of this selfie that he shared it on Facebook, and captioned it "My TRU picture" (TRU being the university he was due to attend).
Our dad was the first commenter, with this gold: "Your Tru picture, not your false one"
My brother could only comment, "Dad why"
Taken off laugh support due to coffin fits
What would a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
How can you tell when Truth tells a lie?
When it makes a False move.
When asking for best pickup-lines on Tinder
I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains
But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement
What is heavy going forward and not going back.
What is a fake wild cat that trips a bunch?
This baby can do 0 to 60 in 720 months.
How are false teeth like stars?
How are false teeth like stars?
How are false teeth like stars?
How are false teeth like stars?
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