Please vote here: When a prince ties fabric around his neck, is it a scarf, cravat or an ascot?
Voting has ended. It's a tie.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
My wife has been online this week, buying lots of black and white fabric.
I do hope she doesnβt make a habit of it
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︎ Jul 08 2020
My Dad has always been a Fabrication head at a lift company and my mum is a retired nurse..
According to him, their first date was "A Casual tea"..
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︎ Jun 13 2020
What do you call evil fabric? Satin
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︎ Apr 20 2020
βDad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?β
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
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︎ Jul 17 2019
Are underpants with a 3.14 mm wide crotch fabric called
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︎ Mar 14 2020
I lost a court case against a fabric softener
I fought Lenor and Lenor won!
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︎ Nov 21 2019
Have you heard the joke about the gold metalic woven fabric?
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︎ Dec 23 2019
I got a build a bear with too little fabric and tried to build it.
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︎ Dec 03 2019
A monastery decided to liven up their old clothes by tie-dying them, but the fabric became stiff and uncomfortable. When the Abbott asked a sister to explain, she gave a simple reply:
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︎ Oct 22 2019
What type of fabric softener does iron man use ?
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︎ Aug 15 2019
Why wasn't the fabric softener doing so great?
It was feeling rather Downy.
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︎ Dec 13 2019
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas.
Everything I touch becomes felt.
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︎ Oct 07 2019
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︎ Jul 18 2019
Wife: βshould we get the hypoallergenic fabric softener?β
Me: βno the regular stuff is fine weβre only a littleallergenicβ
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︎ Aug 02 2019
What's Jaw's favorite fabric?
Denim.....denim...denim..denim.denim
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︎ Jul 11 2019
I just have a preference for certain fabrics.
Nothing you say will dissuede me!
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︎ Jan 26 2019
Wanna know why I started trying out fabric arts and crafts?
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︎ Jul 29 2019
I strongly considered joining the muslin faith until I realized the entire thing was a fabrication.
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︎ Dec 22 2017
Did you hear about the new fabric that can send text messages?
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︎ Apr 17 2019
What do you call a helicopter made of old fabric?
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︎ Mar 23 2019
Fabric shops are materialistic.
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︎ Aug 31 2018
Is that felt? *Obviously cotton fabric*
Son responds, "No."
*Touches said fabric* - "It is now!"
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︎ Mar 27 2019
What do you call a psychic fabric?
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︎ Mar 18 2019
The Fabric of Our Lives
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︎ Nov 01 2018
What kind of fabric makes you procrastinate?
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︎ Jan 26 2019
Why did the comedian go to JoAnn Fabrics?
He wanted to get some new material.
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︎ Jul 03 2018
What happens to the fabric when it reaches consciousness?
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︎ Oct 28 2018
Used a fabric softener bottle to spread rock salt on the driveway, had to label it properly
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︎ Feb 18 2015
I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener....
Now her clothes don't fit.
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︎ Aug 31 2018
I ran out of fabric softener today.
It's going to be a rough week.
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︎ Oct 22 2018
What Beatle is entirely made out of fabric?
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︎ Aug 18 2018
I read that if you sleep on a certain type of fabric smothered with ketchup it adds 20 years to your life.
Unfortunately I can't remember the sauce material
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︎ Aug 15 2018
Someone tried to steal my silk sheets and replace them with a cheaper fabric.
Not today, satin.
Not today.
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︎ Jul 17 2018
What's the most emotional fabric?
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︎ Jun 04 2017
I had to let my natural fiber weaver go today because she was late...
She had an excuse but it seemed fabricated.
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︎ Mar 19 2020
I suddenly forgot what a piece of clothing was. I explained it to my son: "It's a long piece of thin fabric, it goes around your neck, usually worn with a shirt?"
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︎ Feb 07 2018
My dad on fabrics...
I got my sister a jacket for her birthday yesterday. We were talking about it today when my dad walks up.
Dad: (feeling her jacket) Is this felt?
Sister: Um, I don't think so...?
Dad: Now it is!
My sister and her friends just stood there while dad walked away, laughing at himself.
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︎ Nov 14 2013
My friend was tasked to create a fabric which doesn't wear out.
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︎ Sep 28 2017
What did Einstein say when his student touched his watch strap
"Don't mess with the fabric of time!"
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︎ Dec 02 2019
Why don't you want to meet a bad comedian at the fabric store?
Because they'll never run out of material.
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︎ Jan 07 2017
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︎ Jan 21 2015
My dad worked in sheet metal for many years. Now I work in a metal fabrication shop.
Guess you could say I come from a pretty weld to do family
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︎ Dec 01 2015
My friend lied about creating a cloth that can easily be ripped to remove sleeves...
It was a tearable fabrication!
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︎ Nov 03 2019
At Joanne's with wife waiting in line at the fabric cutters
My wife starts getting her fabric cut and I tell her to watch out not to cut in line. I calmly say to her, "Everyone knows how these fabric people get. They would have us by the seam of our pants."
The best part: there is a lady who said, "do you have kids because that sounds like something a dad would say"
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︎ Nov 13 2013
Did you see that story about the boy born with no eyelids?
The Doctors are doing some amazing work, they are going to fabricate new eyelids from the boys' foreskin, it's said the boy will be totally fine but a little cockeyed.
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︎ Aug 02 2019
What did the textiles manufacturer throw through his competitorβs window?
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︎ Apr 17 2019
ITT:
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︎ Jan 07 2019
I think I have an iron deficiency
All my clothes have wrinkles !
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︎ Jan 06 2018
Guy with a black eye
So his friend says what happened.
Well, I was at church and we were all singing when I noticed the large woman in front of me, her dress was tucked between her butt cheeks. So I reached down below her butt, grabbed the fabric and pulled the fabric out. She turned around and lambasted me in the eye.
OK says the friend, but how come both eyes are black?
So then she turned back around and I thought wow, she must want it tucked back in
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︎ Dec 07 2018
"I've almost completed a crossword. I was wondering if you could help me," I told this girl on the train.
"I just need one more word. Six letters...another word for 'material'."
She said, "That's fabric."
"It's pretty great, isn't it?" I replied. "But my name isn't Rick."
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︎ Aug 10 2018
My sister melted her gym shorts
A few years ago my sister decided to iron her gym shorts without knowing that the fabric would melt under the heat of the iron, burning a massive hole in them. She texted our dad to let him know she'd set her shorts on fire.
His reply: 'good lord, how fast were you running?'
Still makes me laugh to this day.
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︎ Oct 31 2016
His whole life had built up to that moment.
I was on a college visit with my dad and we were walking through the textiles department. We walk into the loom room, which is a large room full of looms, and I knew immediately that something was coming. I looked at him and gave him a "don't you do it" look. We then walked into the dying room, which is a room where the students dye the fabrics they've just made on the looms. It was hopeless.
"Man, death was only looming in the last room. People are dying all over the place in here."
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︎ Sep 17 2013
Dadjoked my friend about shirts
Friend: Hey, your shirt has a hole in it.
Me: Well actually it has 4. One for my head, these two for the arms...
The resulting groan washed over me like some sort of cosmic cathartic wave.
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︎ Jun 17 2014
Did you hear about those crazy new corduroy pillows?
They're making head lines.
Courtesy of my stepdad.
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︎ Dec 11 2016
People believed me when I said I'd covered my house in cloth.
But it was a complete fabrication.
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︎ Sep 01 2017
My friend's "classic" way of setting me up with random people...
He asks them to feel my jacket/shirt/whatever I'm wearing. He then asks if they recognise the fabric. When they respond with "no," he'll tell them:
"That's boyfriend material."
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︎ Jan 06 2014
7 8 9
Not in our house as we have a fabric clock, and as everyone knows, a stitch in time saves nine.
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︎ Jul 14 2017
Texting my sister when autocorrect decided to step in
Me: I just go on reddit during my breaks. I find it a good way to pass time on my phone without using heaps of data like tumblr does
Sister: That's true.. but I mainly just read fanfics
Me: I'm trying to not read fabrics bc I have so many books to read
Sister: Lol you read fabrics?
Me: Nah, reddit has better threads than fabrics
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︎ Oct 25 2016
How long is 19.99?
My girlfriend and her friend were looking at fabrics when her friend says " This fabric is between 3.99 to 19.99 depending on the length. How long is 19.99?" My gf quickly replies "A year"
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︎ Sep 08 2015
Steeling?
Bought a new house and was discussing getting an ironing board with my girlfriend. I work with in metal fabrication and she suggested I make one. I happen to work with steel, so naturally i asked if it would then be called steeling...
many head-shakes ensued.
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︎ Nov 01 2014
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas.
Everything I touch becomes felt.
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︎ Mar 08 2018
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas
Everything I touch becomes felt
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︎ Jan 15 2017
βDad, why did you wrap my birthday gift with this weird fabric?β
βI wanted my presents felt.β
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︎ Aug 08 2018
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas
Everything I touch becomes felt
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︎ May 17 2018
As I sashayed around our living room, I shouted out to my family, " I'm like the fabric version of King Midas!"
"Everything I touch becomes felt!"
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︎ Dec 28 2017
What is the most emotional fabric?
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︎ May 31 2017
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