"Stairs don't talk!"
... I had no idea he was such a big fan of that organ solo..!
"I've just discovered the recipe for an amazing type of cheese sauce made with cheese, butter, flour, milk, and peppers!" he exclaims.
The friend, unimpressed, replies, "K, so?"
I laughed, "Babe, it's a scarf!"
I handed her the dictionary.
“Sweetie, this is a blood test.”
He repeated, "A fricken' ground hornbill...!"
Really upset now, I stopped him mid-sentence and asked, "Who taught you how to talk like that!?"
He pointed to the TV, "It says it right there!"
I looked at the screen and read, "Two African ground hornbills escaped from their enclosure at the Honolulu Zoo in Waikiki Sunday."
I said "I recognize Judo"
It was a golden opportunity.
The professor sighs replying "no need to make mountains out of mol hills"
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad.
...but forget that the year after 2021 is 2020 too
Back to the drawing, bored
It’s a play on words
It was open Mike night!
Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.
If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.
It was his first 'body-building' competition.
Then I can finally say that hindsight is 2020.
He only gave it 3 stars.
Until I saw the body bag.
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
I woke up every 2 hours and cried.
..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.
It was Auntie Climactic.
It's Groundbreaking work.
Ground beef.
(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)
Turns out it’s about Chess strategies.
He wet his plants!
It's the first time they'll see 2020.
it really gives me butterflies
Its just really axilla rating.
Turned out to be quite the shin dig.
Then I noticed it only measures comrads.
Flush!
Im beside myself
She didn’t want to hear stories about my rooster.
It was time for the prom at Klondike High School and Tim's friends were desperately trying to convince him to go. He considered it, but was very self-conscious of the fact that he had had an accident as a young child that caused him to lose his eye, and the best his family could afford was to buy him a wooden eye. After several days of goading, Tim finally decides to go.
Sally was in a similar situation. Her friends desperately wanted her to go prom with them, but she was recently in a car accident and lost her right leg. She had a prosthetic, but it was very uncomfortable, so she had a hard time walking. Reluctantly, she agreed to go.
It was the night of the prom and both Tim and Sally were getting all gussied up with their friends. They both make it to the prom, but when they arrive, they are both too nervous to dance. Tim's friends notice Sally sitting on the wall and say to him, "Look over there! There's a cute girl who's all alone and needs a partner to dance with. Why don't you go over there and ask her to dance?" After some further convincing, Tim sheepishly begins to walk over to Sally to ask her. As he approaches her, he getes nervous, and awkwardly stands in front of her for a few seconds before saying, "Wuh...wuh...would you like to dance with me?"
Excitedly, Sally exclaims, "Would I? Would I?"
Tim responds angrily, "PEG LEG! PEG LEG!"
So I'm pretty excited for the new year!
Pro-state cancer
I told him they will be mist
I am so excited it’s my first cake day! I know the day is almost over butter late then never!
Wednesday’s are Open Mike Night.
It was open Mike night.
Then I realized after 2021 is 2020 too.
It was open Mike night.
it was open Mike night
It was open Mike night.
