Started an OnlyFans account. Pretty excited for my early retirement
I’m so excited it’s spring time
How do you get your child excited to go to church?
Tell them they are going to the prayground
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy club.
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
I was excited to get a large can of fine meat from Amazon.
But it turned out to be spam.
My daughter got out of choir practice. She was talking about who her favorite conductors were, and was really excited about her favorite ones, because she said they were very good conductors.
Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?
"No... Why..?"
Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?
Does a train have teeth?
Then how can it choo choo?
Complements of my 6 year old.
Everyone's excited that 2020 is ending...
...but forget that the year after 2021 is 2020 too
Why was the groom excited to take over his new brides cylindrical wooden rod factory
Because it was her dowelry.
I have been making pencil sketches of my family and it's not exciting at all
Back to the drawing, bored
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound, his reply...
he can't have my nose, I need it!
I’m excited it see Pun: The Musical
You always have to keep your job exciting.
Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.
If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.
I’m excited for Jan 1, 2021
Then I can finally say that hindsight is 2020.
Frankenstein was excited
It was his first 'body-building' competition.
Apparently Orion wasn't too excited about his new belt.
My wife said she wanted to take me out. I was so excited...
Until I saw the body bag.
People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.
It's the first time they'll see 2020.
Just what is it about all the Psychics that I visit, they're either totally depressed or too excitable..
..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.
Got a new tattoo
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
My wife was very excited to finally introduce our kids to her sister...
I was really excited when my wife bought me a book for my birthday called “69 Mating Positions”.
Turns out it’s about Chess strategies.
I know an archaeologist who found a human leg bone during an excavation. The other archaeologists got excited and went over to help him.
Turned out to be quite the shin dig.
I don’t know why, but there’s something exciting about evaluating women’s armpits...
Its just really axilla rating.
I can't find my cake anywhere.
I was so excited to eat it for Christmas but it was stollen.
Edit: tried to strengthen the Cake to Stollen connection.
As a lepidopterist I find my job so exciting
it really gives me butterflies
I’m so excited! Scientists have tested cloning on humans.
The mad scientist awoke, thrilled to see his clone right next to him.
He was beside himself with excitement.
My date was really excited when I invited her over for cocktails, but she left extremely disappointed.
She didn’t want to hear stories about my rooster.
I got an antique dosimeter from USSR and I was pretty excited.
Then I noticed it only measures comrads.
Why did my son use wool on his minecraft airfield runway?
True story.
My son was excitedly telling us about his minecraft airfield that he was building, and he explained that, among many other details that my brain ignored, he made the runway out of wool. Other son asked why. I was very excited to tell him that it was because asphalt was expensive, and wool was sheep.
I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?” Smiling, I replied, “Tiny!" My kid laughed and asked, “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”
I explained, “Because...he’s my newt!"
My wife was so excited when Spring came,
Why were the group of coroners excited?
Because it was open Mike night!
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club.
I was excited to join the Autopsy Club
Wednesday’s are Open Mike Night.
Everyone was excited to be at our autopsy club this evening.
So excited for autopsy club!
I was so excited that 2020 is almost over.
Then I realized after 2021 is 2020 too.
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club...
What did the overly excited Gardner do when spring finally came?
Everyone was excited about the Autopsy Club meeting...
Spring is here!!!
I am so excited I wet my plants.
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