Wednesday is open Mike night.
She got a new heavy-gauge wok that she had her eye on for a while. I asked her if she remembered to get the special footwear for it.
She looked puzzled for a moment. Then she sighed and said, "Okay, lay it on me. Tell me your dad joke."
I said, "I don't know what you mean by that, but it is my understanding that they have boots that are made for wokking."
they dig it!!
I wet my plants.
He wet his plants.
It will be in tents!
My friend said it would be intents.
I think I'm going to wet my plants.
I responded, "Hi pregnant, I'm Dad!"
But seriously though, we are expecting our first. I've been mildly panicking since she told me, but we're both very excited!
Edit: thank you everyone for the kind words, advice, tips, suggestions, and awards!
She was so excited that she nearly Peter Pans.
Because he heard it had already blown several transformers.
Iβve always wanted to meet Jack/Nicholeβs son!
We're closing on full tank of gasoline this weekend.
If you ask me, it's about time!
I wet my plants!
My caulk's never been harder!
I wonder which one of them she'll cook first.
I (a mom who loves dad jokes) was walking past a stranger at the office complex where I work this afternoon. This stranger was holding two flourescent light bulbs.
Me: "Are those heavy?"
Him: "Not really."
Me: "Yeah, they look light."
I laughed so hard and was so grateful that he shared my energy and laughed with me!! I was excited to finally have a contribution to this subreddit that brings me daily joy!!!
Itβs SEWINβ TENTS!
After getting the first dose, youβll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
EDIT: Wow! Thank you all so much for the views, upvotes, and awards. I have so much joy and excitement I can barely hold it in!!!
How ribbit-ing..!
It's working so far. Every race is neck and neck.
Thyme waits for Noam, man.
Lettuce turnip the beet!
"Stairs don't talk!"
People lined up for blocks.
Anticipation
(I made this up on the spot and it got a chuckle out of my dad haha so itβs already βdad approvedβ)
The farmer was devastated, and in his depression all but neglected the farm, barely able to bring himself to grow and can legumes.
One day as he was aimlessly wandering the road near his fields, hungry and despondent, he came across a deer carcass, freshly hit by a car. The farmer was excited that his luck was changing, since this meant fresh(ish) meat in the first time in months. He shooed the magpies and crows away and began harvesting the deer.
Almost as soon as he had finished, there was a knock at the door. To the farmer's great surprise, his son had returned home. Though he looked quite the worse for wear, the son looked around at the farm with sadness, perhaps realizing the emotional damage he had caused.
The farmer was besides himself with joy, and told his son that tonight he would cook a great feast. The son, surprised, looked around at the fallow fields and run down house and asked, "Dad, do you have much food? What could we possibly eat for this celebratory feast."
The farmer, tears of joy in his eyes and emotion in his voice said:
"Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done"
He asks the bank teller, Patty, for a loan. Patty explains that they don't usually offer loans to amphibians, but asks him if he has any collateral to offer. The frog thinks for a minute, then pulls out a strange medallion.
Patty has never seen anything like this before so, reluctantly, she goes to ask her boss about it. Reluctantly, because whenever he gets excited, her boss tends to get loud and slap people hard on the shoulder. She tells her boss about the frog, and shows him the medallion.
His eyes immediately light up he shouts "It's a nick-nack, Patty" WHACK "Give the frog a loan!"
But bummed to find out they didnβt have any Conditioner Gordon.
It's really hard to find a happy Medium..
'Cause there's always something new to sea...
I'm so excited; I'm beside myself!
When the baby mosquito got home, he was so excited
βDad, dad, you were wrong, everyone was happy to see me, they were all clapping for me!β
until I learned they wouldnβt support windows.
"That's the last time I order a dictionary from Ikea!"
A large Russian company buys a batch of off-road Mercedes trucks. The deal also includes training of drivers to work with the new equipment. One such Mercedes catches up with an old MAZ truck on the road. At one point the MAZ stopped, then a man with a bucket jumped out of it and scooped some water from a puddle on the road and poured it into the fuel tank. Then he gets in the truck, lights it and sets off. The instructor in the Mercedes, who speaks a little RussiΠ°n, asks the driver:
- What's happening?
"It's out of fuel."
"You keep fuel in puddles along the road?"
- No. This is water.
The German was silent for a few minutes and stated:
- The car in front of us is moving with water!
- No! It's moving with diesel!
The instructor decides to make fun of him and is silent until they reach the base. Excited, he goes there and shares with his colleagues what he saw. It turns out that someone else saw the same thing, but he doesn't know RussiΠ°n and couldn't ask. He returns to his trainee and continues to question. If MAZ is running on diesel, why did the driver add water to the fuel tank? The RussiΠ°n explains to him that the pipe that sucks the diesel is located just a few centimetres above the bottom of the fuel tank. At the moment it stops refuelling, there are another ten litters of diesel in the fuel tank. When water is poured, the level rises, then the diesel, which is lighter, rises from the top and the truck can travel many more kilometres. Amazed by this explanation, the German asks:
"Why don't they put the fuel pipe at the bottom of the tank?"
The RussiΠ°n's in shock answers him:
- But what if there is water in the diesel?
Edit: How a MAZ truck looks like - https://youtu.be/roj5Xf55PDU
Oui-haw!
They are down with the sickness.
He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big bloody deal, I'm four".
I get goosebumps every time.
The professor droned on and on for 2 hours!
So Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (US), is a HUGE tourist trap. Weβre talking zip lines, roller coasters, Ripleyβs Believe it or Not museum, Ferris wheels, life sized King Kong, etc. Anywhoo, I was driving the family through this insanity when my wife pointed out a building to the kids and said βlook at that one with all the giraffes on top! I wonder what that is!β Without missing a beat I said, βWelcome, to Giraffic Park!β And hummed the theme song while navigating through a left hand turn. I was proud and laughed out loud at my own joke. My 7 year old loved it.
Tuesday is open Mike night!
It's open Mike night!
