This just happened in real life, and I got not even a chuckle.
True story: the wife and I were walking in Target this evening. We were walking in the clothing section, behind an employee who was moving a mannequin. Out of nowhere the whole arm pops off, and the poor woman canβt bend to pick it up becauseβ¦ ya knowβ¦ sheβs holding the rest of the mannequin. So I walk up, grab the limb while sheβs looking around for another employee to help, hold it out to her and sayβ¦
βHere, let me give you a handβ
She took it. No laughter. My wife? Nothing. So I am posting here in the hopes that my genius will be appreciated. Keep getting those dad jokes in the wild, folks.
π︎ 38k
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︎ Dec 09 2022
Brand new protein powder, not even filled half whey
π︎ 418
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︎ Dec 30 2022
What's still safe to use even when it's already expired ?
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 03 2023
I just realized the word 7 has even in it
π︎ 46
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︎ Jan 31 2023
Just realized that eleven has βeven in itβ
π︎ 82
π
︎ Jan 05 2023
Can't even take a nap in Ohio π
π︎ 31
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︎ Jan 22 2023
They even do this on Mandalore
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 21 2023
Even though penguins canβt fly, they can handle some of the harshest environments.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 28 2023
Even though we're not in an open marriage, I'm okay with my wife having a second husband
Which you have to admit is bigamy.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 14 2023
Iβm a woman, but I make a lot of dad jokes. Iβm not even a dadβ¦
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 14 2023
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Aug 17 2022
The evening news is where they begin with "Good evening".
Then they proceed to tell you why it isnβt.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 31 2023
How do you make 7 even?
π︎ 19
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︎ Jan 25 2023
I never thought I would get over my Phil Collins obsession...
But take a look at me now
π︎ 817
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︎ Feb 12 2023
Booked a limo for 250 bucks, didn't even come with a driver.
All that money and nothing to chauffeur it.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Oct 05 2022
My buddy spent hours studying mathematics before he was a contestant on Jeopardy, and the first answer was on non-even whole numbers, which he had just been studying.
π︎ 94
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︎ Dec 22 2022
eel's are even a'moray terrifying now.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Sep 13 2022
Talk about an altitude adjustment.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 09 2023
Can you believe even Mary Poppins is on the Keto Diet...
She's currently superkindafragilisticketoacidosis
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 01 2023
My 4 year old nephew, who's been living in Spain for the last 2 years, came over the other day. Turns out he can't even say please in Spanish...
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 24 2023
Why could you never starve to death in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 27 2023
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me feel numb, and the math ones are just the worst..
they make me feel even number...
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 19 2023
If Superman purchased a lot of digital currency in the evening...
Would that be considered his Crypto Night?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 15 2022
Even the price of air to fill your tires is skyrocketing!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2023
Bruce Lee once noticed that the grass in his garden was wet, even though he hadnβt watered it, and it hadnβt rained recently.
π︎ 261
π
︎ Oct 21 2022
My wife has banned me from making any more breakfast puns...
She says if I make any more, I'm toast.
My kids keep egging me on.
π︎ 641
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︎ Jan 26 2023
My girlfriend said she wanted to buy some books before we had even put our new bookcase together.
I said βletβs not get ahead of our shelvesβ.
π︎ 468
π
︎ Oct 11 2022
Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother
π︎ 11k
π
︎ May 15 2022
Why I'm glad I wasn't born in Russia?
Because I can't speak any Russian.
π︎ 104
π
︎ Feb 14 2023
When I arrived unannounced, I wasn't even offered a chocolate covered cherry.
It wasn't a cordial greeting.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 16 2023
This is ridiculous! We're 364 days away from Christmas
And people already have their lights up on their house.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Dec 26 2022
That's one way to do it
π︎ 642
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︎ Jan 12 2023
For all my fellow coders out there
π︎ 265
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︎ Feb 03 2023
Remember, no one is perfect, not even Moses.
π︎ 21
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︎ Nov 29 2022
I can't even take my family to the symphony for family entertainment anymore...
... with all the sax and violins.
π︎ 39
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︎ Oct 11 2022
My grandfather was the most secretive person I know. He even had a saying about it.
He just wouldnβt tell me.
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 23 2022
I hate it when my wife suddenly says "Are you even listening to me?"
Who the hell starts a conversation like that?
π︎ 13k
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︎ May 23 2022
I like to draw lame jokes/puns an the old chalkboard in my kitchen. Thought you folks might appreciate it.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Dec 16 2022
Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brotherβ¦
π︎ 398
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︎ Aug 28 2022
How do you make the number 7 even?
π︎ 21
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︎ Dec 16 2022
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