This just happened in real life, and I got not even a chuckle.

True story: the wife and I were walking in Target this evening. We were walking in the clothing section, behind an employee who was moving a mannequin. Out of nowhere the whole arm pops off, and the poor woman can’t bend to pick it up because… ya know… she’s holding the rest of the mannequin. So I walk up, grab the limb while she’s looking around for another employee to help, hold it out to her and say…

β€œHere, let me give you a hand”

She took it. No laughter. My wife? Nothing. So I am posting here in the hopes that my genius will be appreciated. Keep getting those dad jokes in the wild, folks.

πŸ‘︎ 38k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2022
🚨︎ report
Brand new protein powder, not even filled half whey
πŸ‘︎ 418
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anselmbitcoin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2022
🚨︎ report
What's still safe to use even when it's already expired ?

Air.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/e-bio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2023
🚨︎ report
I just realized the word 7 has even in it

That’s odd

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeniorFlyingMango
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2023
🚨︎ report
Just realized that eleven has β€œeven in it”

I found that odd

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legend5V
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2023
🚨︎ report
It is believed that throughout their 40-year wandering in the desert Moses and his followers felt thirsty not even once. Must've been because of all the 'Juice' they had with them!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unrequitedposts
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2023
🚨︎ report
Can't even take a nap in Ohio πŸ’€
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twinkies100
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2023
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They even do this on Mandalore
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2023
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Even though penguins can’t fly, they can handle some of the harshest environments.

They’re unflappable.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Masselein
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2023
🚨︎ report
Even though we're not in an open marriage, I'm okay with my wife having a second husband

Which you have to admit is bigamy.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VagabondVivant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2023
🚨︎ report
I’m a woman, but I make a lot of dad jokes. I’m not even a dad…

I’m a faux pas.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adhdmamallama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2023
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.

But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockneybastard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2022
🚨︎ report
The evening news is where they begin with "Good evening".

Then they proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2023
🚨︎ report
How do you make 7 even?

Take away the S

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComfortableNo2879
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2023
🚨︎ report
I never thought I would get over my Phil Collins obsession...

But take a look at me now

πŸ‘︎ 817
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllThatJazz___
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2023
🚨︎ report
Booked a limo for 250 bucks, didn't even come with a driver.

All that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok_Presence36
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2022
🚨︎ report
My buddy spent hours studying mathematics before he was a contestant on Jeopardy, and the first answer was on non-even whole numbers, which he had just been studying.

"What are the odds?"

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Belscnickle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2022
🚨︎ report
eel's are even a'moray terrifying now.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2022
🚨︎ report
Talk about an altitude adjustment.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Grins
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2023
🚨︎ report
Can you believe even Mary Poppins is on the Keto Diet...

She's currently superkindafragilisticketoacidosis

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2023
🚨︎ report
My 4 year old nephew, who's been living in Spain for the last 2 years, came over the other day. Turns out he can't even say please in Spanish...

That's poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pvtsoab
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2023
🚨︎ report
Why could you never starve to death in the desert?

Because of all the sand which is there

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeepScrollling
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2023
🚨︎ report
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me feel numb, and the math ones are just the worst..

they make me feel even number...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2023
🚨︎ report
If Superman purchased a lot of digital currency in the evening...

Would that be considered his Crypto Night?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/armyjackson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2022
🚨︎ report
Even the price of air to fill your tires is skyrocketing!

Talk about inflation!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinOfPop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2023
🚨︎ report
Bruce Lee once noticed that the grass in his garden was wet, even though he hadn’t watered it, and it hadn’t rained recently.

It was dew Lee noted.

πŸ‘︎ 261
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minimum_Box4491
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife has banned me from making any more breakfast puns...

She says if I make any more, I'm toast.

My kids keep egging me on.

πŸ‘︎ 641
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParkingTomato3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2023
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said she wanted to buy some books before we had even put our new bookcase together.

I said β€œlet’s not get ahead of our shelves”.

πŸ‘︎ 468
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOverLordisME
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2022
🚨︎ report
Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother

… Sudden Lee

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raw_Rain
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2022
🚨︎ report
Why I'm glad I wasn't born in Russia?

Because I can't speak any Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2023
🚨︎ report
When I arrived unannounced, I wasn't even offered a chocolate covered cherry.

It wasn't a cordial greeting.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frank-Dr3bin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2023
🚨︎ report
This is ridiculous! We're 364 days away from Christmas

And people already have their lights up on their house.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burghguy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2022
🚨︎ report
That's one way to do it
πŸ‘︎ 642
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2023
🚨︎ report
For all my fellow coders out there
πŸ‘︎ 265
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadShoT_035
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2023
🚨︎ report
Remember, no one is perfect, not even Moses.

He was a basket case.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Upvoter_NeverDie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2022
🚨︎ report
I can't even take my family to the symphony for family entertainment anymore...

... with all the sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marm4duke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2022
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was the most secretive person I know. He even had a saying about it.

He just wouldn’t tell me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2022
🚨︎ report
I hate it when my wife suddenly says "Are you even listening to me?"

Who the hell starts a conversation like that?

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvK_27
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2022
🚨︎ report
I like to draw lame jokes/puns an the old chalkboard in my kitchen. Thought you folks might appreciate it.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother…

Sudden Lee.

πŸ‘︎ 398
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoopdihoop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2022
🚨︎ report
How do you make the number 7 even?

Take away the S.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2040009
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2022
🚨︎ report

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