Dad embarrasses family at a graduation dinner
My family and I attended a dinner this evening with my sister's housemates and all of their families - the first time everyone was meeting. As we all browse the menu someone makes the comment that that they didn't like the duck at this restaurant and my father immediately had to chime in.
Dad: You're completely right, it's not all its quacked up to be.
Thanks Dad.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My dad always said, “ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
Why was the snowman embarrassed when people saw him buying a bag of carrots?
He got caught picking his nose!
What do you call a goalie so embarrassed that he can’t save anything?
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadn’t cleaned the house all year
what do you call an american bee?
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
How do you embarrass a stuttering Tauntaun
B-by Taunt-tauntaunting him.
What do you call an embarrassed cadaver?
Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!” A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
I look just like my dad, but I’m really embarrassed by how he acts.
He’s my apparent aberrant parent
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough
Why did all those dancers during the halftime show wear those masks?
The singer had a Weeknd immune system.
Why was the Native American embarrassed after using the bathroom?
He looked down and realized he had some teepee stuck to his foot.
At the checkout counter at my daughter’s favorite clothing store:
Clerk, attempting to add me to their email list: “Do you have a good email?”
Me: “It’s pretty good but I don’t know that I would brag about it. Thank you for asking.”
Clerk, as everyone around begins to laugh: “I love dad jokes. I need to call my dad”
My daughter tried to fain embarrassment but still tells that story at family gatherings.
My dad is always embarrassed about cutting himself while getting rid of his beard, so he locks himself in the bathroom...
I guess he’s just trying to shave face…
Why was the Cucumber embarrassed?
He was caught Gherkin off.
An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed
Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
I worked with this guy Rob once...
...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.
He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.
"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."
I wonder if Thor is embarrassed telling people about his job
What is the difference between an embarrassing social situation and a fake dad?
Nothing, they're both faux pas.
My neighbor saw me naked grabbing the newspaper early this a.m. Embarrassing.
Now he knows I'm taking his paper.
Why was the guitarist embarrassed on stage?
It took a lot of balls for my friend to go on the Reality TV show called “Embarrassing Bodies.”
Embarrassed the wife at a party with this one
Host dips her chip into a bowl of taco dip, breaks chip, new person arrives at the front door, host gives up and walks away with chip stuck in dip.
Person next to me: "Wow, she just left it in there."
Me: "Yeah, she abandoned chip..."
Wife just groans and walks away.
I got a new pet lizard, I named him Tiny....
What do you call a hymn of embarrassment?
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My dad always said, “ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
My dad always told me, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw the bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
The best advice my dad gave me was to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.
She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.
Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I managed to cover my tracks.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo, and try to convince her to marry me.
They know how to make a bad decision, and then stick to it.
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her...
She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them...
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw my bedsheets over it.
I think I covered my tracks.
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