Electronic State Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG

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Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

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How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone

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What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.

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Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!

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Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.

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Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!

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Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!

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Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.

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How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.

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Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

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What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.

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I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

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Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na

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Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!

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Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

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What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium

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What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe

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What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A ‘gram’ cracker.

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What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)

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What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.

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How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a “carbonkneel”

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What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.

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How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.

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Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

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Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na

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Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.

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Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down

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Why do chemistry professor like to

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Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

• Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
• It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
• What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
• Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
• Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
• Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
• If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
• Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
• Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
• American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
• The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
• Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
• Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
• Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
• Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
• Rittal me this, Batman!
• Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
• Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
• If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
• When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
• You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
• Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
• Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
• Don't think Seton is

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