A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:

Speak now or forever hold your pee

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I was pulled over by the police. The officer said "According to your license you should be wearing glasses when you drive"

I said no, it's okay I have Contacts
He said "I don't give a damn who you think you know"

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyOfAus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
In car earlier with wife, daughter, parents. We drive by a cemetery. My dad says β€œyou guys know how many people are dead in there?”

In unison dead pan my wife and mother: β€œall of them”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/donniccolo
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.

Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
**My dad, sister and I drives by a sign for UC Berkeley** when my dad says, β€œdo you see Berkeley? Because I don’t”
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MayaPreston123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Drives by railroad crossing: a train came through here not to long ago. It’s tracks are still here
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/420rubberducky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
When it’s dark and you are picking up after your dog while a vehicle drives by with it’s headlights on, it is not only convenient, it is putting a spotlight on your civic duty
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chilen1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Whenever we drive by a field with a horse in it, I get my girls with this.

Me: SEAHORSE!!!

kids: what? Where?

I point to the horse in the field: see? Horse!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/strider820
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Drives by cemetery...

Drives by cemetery Dad: "You see that?" points to cemetery Everyone:" What?" Dad: "They had to put up a barb wire fence because everyone was dying to get in!"

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/new_skool_hepcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2015
🚨︎ report
As we drive by a Cemetery he says you know how many people are buried there?

"I don't know"

"All of them"

"I'm telling r/dadjokes"

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PWNbear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Dadjoke drive-by
πŸ‘︎ 224
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naggers123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
🚨︎ report
Drive-by dadjoked at a SWE outreach event

A fellow group leader and I were speed copying names of our girls' parents to make the check out process easier later in the day. I told her "You're behind! You need to catch up!" A random dad walking by simply remarked "AND mustard!" and continued on. It took me a second, but I laughed hysterically.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystori
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report
What does an Amish drive by shooting sound like?

clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG BANG clipclopclipclopclipclopclipclop

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMA_Printer_AMA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Me: Every time I drive by cows I always honk to see if they will turn and look. Dad: You want to know why they don't respond? Me: why? Dad: Because their horns don't work.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tsteinhause
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Drive-By Dad Joke

I was in Kroger when a guy and his young daughter walked past me towards the ice cream aisle. His daughter was suggesting they get some orange sherbet, and I could barely hear him mutter, "Sure, Bert." Absolutely made my day.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tensuke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Every time we drive by a "Sanitary Landfill" sign...

...I turn to my wife and ask, "do you think they sell napkins there?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimrob4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's go to joke whenever we drive by a cemetery.

"You know why there is a fence around it? Because people are dying to get in"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stunsthename
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Every single time we drive by a cemetery....

Dad: do you know how many people are dead in there?

All of them.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infanteater1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit rollup

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diddlemesilly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Every time we drive by a graveyard...

Dad: "Do you know how many people are dead in there?"

Me: "No, how many?"

Dad: "All of them."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ComedyJ
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time we drive by the cemetery

Dad: "How come there's a fence around the cemetery?" Me: "I dunno..." Dad: "People are 'dying' to get in!"

Every. Single. Time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vitti93
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.