The Queen was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the royal stable when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored. "Oh dear," said the Queen, "I'm dreadfully sorry about that." "It's quite understandable," said the Archbishop,

and after a second, "For a moment there I thought it was the horse."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What disease do old pirates dread most?

Arrrrrrrrthritis.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Judge Dread
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vendetta2115
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t Bob Marley have a passcode on his phone?

He dreads locking it.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90sWannabe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my mom what she would think if a white dude was rockin dreads and she went β€œthat’s dreadful.” we laughed for a good minute.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eleanorw123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad walks in tell me (who just started dreading having to shave) and says: I too didn't like my beard at first.

Then it grew on me. finger guns

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Finland has just closed their borders

No one will be crossing the finish line

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Medical students dread the test on kidney stones.

It's the hardest one to pass.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_lord_kinbote_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What day of the week do eggs dread?

Fry-day

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickl444
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm dreading the upcoming holidays because I know dad's gonna tell us all about the bear and the rabbit who were taking a poop in the woods...

The bear asks the rabbit, "You ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "No."

So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I used to dread walking under Horse Chestnut trees in the autumn.

But after years of therapy, I've managed to conker it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s going to be dress like a Jamaican day on Monday

I’m already dreading it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ventanaman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Parties on mars would be dreadful.

There's no atmosphere.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedHenGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
🚨︎ report
I was in a dreadful train accident and...

I got a bogie up my nose. It wheely hurt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrlr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Why are Jamaicans afraid of kosher delis?

They dread lox.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshik72
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was trying to decide whether or not to go to a funeral that I was dreading. I asked myself β€œWhat would Jesus do?”

I was the only one there in sandals and a bathrobe

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellzy33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I once knew a hoarder who kept a drawer packed full of matted and tangled hair.

It was dreadful.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you remove dreadlocks?

With dreadkeys

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of cinnamon bread...

I have cinnamon dread

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firebird_Frenzy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
No joke I just miss my dad. Happy fathers day in heaven dad dad daddy-o
πŸ‘︎ 705
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
A Jamaican man has stormed into my hairdressers and demanded I give him a new style

I'm dreading it

πŸ‘︎ 413
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Red's Whine - a weird poem I wrote

Poor Red,
Poor Red whines,
Pour red wine,
Pour red wine to mend Red's mind.
Mind the wine that ends Red's whine.
Find the time to send more wine.
For poor Red's whine, we pour more wine.
We dread the time when poor Red whines.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raylan_Givens
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
JOKES NEEDED! CREDIT GIVEN

So basically I own a Bookshop and I'm wanting to have a Book joke board, so please send me your jokes that I can write on it (credit will be given, needs to be family friendly)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WRJames97
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me to sort his hair out for a reggae themed party

I’m dreading it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
No telling what was in there

We had a friend in town this weekend whose flight was this afternoon, so she was staying at the house for a while after my wife and I left for work. About halfway through my commute I was overtaken by a terrible sense of dread and panic that I forgotten to flush the toilet and our friend was going to come face to face with a semi-fresh dookie when she went to the restroom.

I was so mortified at this that I preemptively texted her to warn her and requested that she please, for both our sake's, flush the toilet prior to lifting the lid. We may never know whether I needed to send that text-- it was a real Schrodinger Scat situation.

This is sort of a TIFU, but I have no idea if I actually did and I'm not sure she would have the heart to tell me anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LapTrap
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
"Hey kids, it's Jamaican hairstyle day at work tomorrow!"

I'm dreading it…

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
🚨︎ report
A man sits down at a restraunt

The waiter walks over and gives him a glass of water.

The man, being dreadfully thirsty, drinks it all in one gulp. He them calls out to the waiter for another

"Excuse me for the trouble, but I'm terribly thirsty. Could I have another glass of water?"

The waiter returns and refills his glass. He turns away to serve another table, when a small cough comes from behind him.

"I'm so awfully sorry, but could I get another refill?"

The waiter of course obliges, and turns to wait the next table, when the same thing happens again.

Frustrated by the man, the waiter walks up and tells him

"Take a pitcher, it will last longer."

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Continuum_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
🚨︎ report
16-year old Daughter: Dad, I'm going Rasta now.

Dad: Yikes, so now I understand your ... aroma. Can you resume washing your hair at least?

16-year old Daughter: I can't. I'm dreading my hair.

Dad: That makes two of us!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Every year I know my girlfriend is going to ask me in that same condescending voice whether I'm going to do something different with my hair for Reggaefest.

And every year I've dreaded it.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Start my new job as a hairdresser in Jamaica tomorrow.

I'm dreading it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?

It’s dreadful

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/briuh13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new Captain Kirk toilet paper?

It goes where no man has gone before in search of the dreaded Klingons

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBskierbum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't the Sun have long nails?

Because eclipse.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report
It's Jamaican hair day at work next week.

I'm already dreading it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
First time he got me in a while

Talking about the expensive healthcare Dad "you need to change your major to become a doctor".
Me "I don't have the patience for that".
Dad "you would if you became a doctor".
Facepalm.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ezekiel2517_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2014
🚨︎ report
When women get old they start collecting cats

This is the dreaded Many Paws stage

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcbrnld
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m not looking forward to my next appointment with the Jamaican barber.

As a matter of fact, I’m dreading it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Who's the most famous Rasta athlete?

Tom Braidy! I'm sorry, that was dreadful.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad jokes are like a Jamaican barbershop...

Dreadful.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginkyboy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
🚨︎ report
My professor just got us so good.

Drawing professor: You know, it's Jamaican hairstyle day on Friday. Us: What? What is that? Professor: I don't know, but I dread it.

I'm still cracking up.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poorbones
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Went to a rasta barber...

...my hair is now dreadful.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kippekok
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad told me he'd booked an appointment with a Jamaican barber today.

He says he's dreading it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditguy1298
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
🚨︎ report
It's not expensive that's for sure!

I dadjoked my friend today.

I'm introducing her to the show "Penny Dreadful". I told her that the show is really great except for the name, which in my opinion, was horribly cheap.

shit eating grin ensues

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Punrelenting word play at the Rose Parade

New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinisculePeen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad Joked Myself Earlier

I did laundry earlier (the dreaded task) and afterward I was putting it up. When I was just about done, I noticed there was only one sock left. I said to my roommate "Never fails. I always lose a sock when doing laundry." Then a second or two later I lifted a shirt up and the missing sock fell out. I then said "Would you look at that? It's the last sock. I guess you could say that was a socking revelation." Even I groaned slightly because of that one.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marshallu2018
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow is Jamaican Hairstyle Day.

And I’m already dreading it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/face-spunk
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow is national Jamaican hair day.

I'm dreading it

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squach509
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Today is "Jamaican hair day" at work.

I'm dreading it.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeballSandwich
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
🚨︎ report

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