My wife has changed dramatically since becoming a vegan.

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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dramatic post
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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How do you cook a dramatic steak?

Well done done done.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnySwo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.

But will she leave me ?

Find out next week.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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What do you get when your sensitive and overly dramatic sister stubs her toe?

A crisis

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Just another overly dramatic post.

https://i.redd.it/vrrnd0bt6ca41.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.

That way, I always make a grand entrance.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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last night, my wife dramatically ripped the blankets off me

Don’t worry i’ll recover

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoldMeDownSanta
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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Dramatic post
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKiller4009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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What do you call a dramatic exit at a tea party?

A Tea Leave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hisairnessag3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Due to freezing conditions in New York, the mens American Naturist Society....

.....has seen the size of their members shrink dramatically.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Cue the dramatic music
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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Thought this guy looked a little melo-dramatic. imgur.com/hlZXZWK
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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Don’t scroll without saying shalom
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axiom_117
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Did you hear about the dramatic circus clown?

His act was always in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asianwaste
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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I saw a critic of dramatic musicals pick up some women. He's a smooth opera rater.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KickballJesus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
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Breaking News: Cornwall has been placed in Tier 4 lockdown.

Hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.

Apparently the Arrrr rate has increased dramatically.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Why has there been a dramatic decrease in the shrimp population?

There are too many Shellfish Fishermen!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/panXaXe
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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I tried doing Dramatic Interpretation in high dchool speech, but I stopped because I hated it.

I now suffer from Post Dramatic Stress Disorder Edit: school. Damn mobile keyboards!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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Son, I apologize for the dramatic

Pause.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tonsofpunsarefun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
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This joke is Head & Shoulders above the rest.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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Looks like October is…. Octover
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ericmc80
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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A man with a gold claim in Alaska was cursed.

At first the curse just brought him bad luck, causing vital equipment to break and provoking frequent but small injuries to him and his crew. Soon, however, the curse darkened and diggers the man had hired to help work his claim began to die in bizarre ways.

One was killed by an African scorpion that should never have made it to Alaska, let alone have survived the cold. A second drank a gallon of the mercury used to separate the gold from the ore. A third was found with a tree growing up through his body.

The man himself who owned the claim became more and more pale. His eyes became all white. His skin began to give off an overpowering smell of sulfur. He slept all day and at night he wandered the mountain above his claim, coming back each day looking more like a beast than a man.

The curse became so bad the last worker alive ran away to the nearest town to tell the authorities what was happening at the claim.

In an attempt to save the claim owner's life and lift the curse, a priest was brought in by dogsled to perform an exorcism on the man.

A sherriff from the town came with the priest as a bodyguard.

The exorcism was long, but apparently successful. Immediately the man's color returned, the sulfur smell disappeared, and he was able to sleep through the night for the first time in six months.

After the man awoke, the sherriff immediately arrested the man and brought him back to town with the priest. Standing in front of the judge, the sherriff was asked what charge the law had against the claim owner whose life had just been so dramatically turned around.

The sherriff looked at the man, then looked back at the judge and said in a slow and rumbling voice, "Possession as a miner."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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My husband suggested we get a repeater to improve our router signal...

Me: A what?

Him: A repeater.

Me: dramatic eyebrow wiggling with shit eating grin

Him: Oh my god.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misscharl0tte
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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Irl dad comeback!

My daughter: Really, dad, you're so dramatic!

Me: (quietly, through clenched teeth) If I'm too dramatic....THEN. GOD. HELP. US. ALL...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConnellAngus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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The Rude Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said β€œI believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.” John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke up, and asked very softly : β€œMay I ask what the turkey did?”


I'd like to thank my friend John for sending me this dumb joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fred1840
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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My dads best one yet

My family were on vacation and we were going on a hike. We had been walking for a little over an hour when my sister she had something in her shoe that was bothering her.

She asked us to stop so she could take it out and my dad excitedly agreed. I was super confused as to why he seemed so excited, so I stopped as well.

My sister sat down, took off her shoe, and my dad gasped dramatically.

β€œOh my god! There was a foot in your shoe.”

He proceeded to laugh himself to tears, while I laughed at his reaction to his own dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrp17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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One of my grandpas dad-joked my other grandpa...

So my two grandfathers we talking to each other at a family dinner, and got on the topic of work history.

Grandpa 1 was saying how he went from being a florist to a manager at a car factory. Grandpa 2 asked how he came about making such a dramatic career change.

Grandpa 1: "Well I always was a plant manager."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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I HAVENT EATEN ALL YEAR
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickAstley666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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Do you know why dogs are so good at acting?

Paws.

For dramatic effect.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JavaFlamingo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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A high school student struggles to pass his tests but decides, one day, to pull himself together.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:

"long time no C".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/olafur-andri
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Got my son this morning...

My son is 8 years old and loves counting money and change. This morning went like this.

Son: counting change "Daddy, I have very little money."

Me: "No. It looks normal sized to me."

Then he proceeds to very dramatically roll his eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthebar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
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The guacamole incident

So, this just happened last night. My son (11 years old, and a true lover of dad jokes) is not presently speaking to me.

After i just finished cutting an avocado in two... Me: Shall we "halve" some avocado with dinner tonight? Huh? Huh? (Dramatically pointing to the cut produce in Vanna White style.) Son: (Unimpressed). I might take a little. Me: You might? I say you "halve two!" (Again gesturing dramatically to the two halves.) Son: groan That was TERRIBLE... But you score extra points for a double pun. Me: Av-a-cad-o million more where those came from. Mic Drop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roguebuckeye
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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I'm taking an improv class [shaggy dog]

and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.

In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.

A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.

So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Dad in training

Characters: My wife, my son (four years old), and my daughter (his twin, so obviously also four).


Son: "My classmate didn't like me laughing at her today."

Wife: "Why were you laughing at her?"

Son: "I'm a vampire! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Wife: "OH! Like an evil laugh?"

Son: "Yeah! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Daughter: "I'm a witch! Hee hee hee hee!"

Wife: "So you're both monsters?"

Son: "Yep!"

Daughter: "Hee hee hee hee!"

Wife: "Am I a monster too?"

Son: "Yeah! You're a ... " <dramatic pause> " ... mummy."

Whole family in hysterical laughter, and after it dies down he goes, "Get it!? Mummy!"


I've never been so proud. A spontaneously generated pun of that caliber at four years old, AND an unnecessary clarification/repetition of the joke? I've got high hopes for this one.

πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maclimes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2017
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My college roommate's last name is Nemeth.

My dad: "Would you say he's your (pause for dramatic effect) Nemethis?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparks0480
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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A morbid dad joke while waiting at the pharmacy

My wife and I were waiting in line at the pharmacy to get her some of the good stuff from behind the counter. When she's sick she can be a little overly dramatic.

Her: "I think I'm dying, do they make anything for that?"

Me: "Funerals"

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Osten
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2016
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Hotel Coffee

My dad and I were staying at a hotel, he tried the coffee and smiled. "Ahh, it's like making love in a canoe.", "Is it that good?" I ask, he stops drinking looks me in the eyes and said "no, it's fucking too close to water." As he slowly poured it down the sink dramatically.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cr00k3dJ35t3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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Apocalypse Now

Watching TV at my parent's house with my wife a couple of weeks ago.

Commercial comes on advertising the Apocalypse now movie, my dad mentions it and then says

Dad: that was a good movie, did you guys ever see it?

Wife: nope, never seen it!

Dad: oh you should watch it, then watch the remake of it they made a few years later, they re-cast the whole movie with only black people. pauses for dramatic moment It's called A-packa-lips-now

Wife: what...

Awkward pause for maybe two seconds, I chuckled, my mom rolled her eyes and then my wife finally got it.

She nearly died laughing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Handsome_Gourd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
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The classic

Wife: Kids! Come down for dinner!

4yo: Dad, I'm hungry.

Me [pauses for dramatic effect because we all know it's happening]: Hi, Hungry... I'm Dad.

4yo: NO! I'm not Hungry!

Me: Oh, ok. Honey, 4yo isn't hungry.

Wife: He doesn't want dinner?

4yo: No. I am hungry.

Me: Oh hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.

4yo: ARGH!!!!!!

7yo: Ugh. Just ignore him, 4yo.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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My wife came back from the beauty parlor...

My four-year-old son ran excitedly to the door to greet her. When she opened it, her appearance was startling. She looked like a goth. Her eyes were surrounded with jet-black make-up, with dramatic extra lashes drawn to the sides.

My son let out a shriek and rushed back into my arms for a hug. "What's on Mommy's eyes?" he asked tearfully.

I replied, "Ma scare ya?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fellow_hiccupper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my wife with this one

My daughter was singing dramatically the other day while in the bathtub. I said with all that singing it sounded like a soap opera.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/americangame
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife has changed dramatically since becoming a vegan.

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night, my girlfriend dramatically ripped the blankets off me...

Don’t worry I’ll recover.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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