A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...

"in vivo lost vagus"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Why are the Jedi against dissolving crustaceans in acid?

Only a Sith deals in crab solutes.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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If the problem dissolves in water...

There must be a solution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fistedfartbox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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Do you know about the TV channel where they dissolve celebrities and musicians in acid?

It's called PH1.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suppiluliuma_2
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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What do coral get stressed about?

Current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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The man who invented the spell check died today...

May he rust in piss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says β€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist β€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says β€œOh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordoflethargy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Still makes me laugh 10 years later

Father and son project; painting a bicycle I recently salvaged. It was my first time using spray paint...

Dad: Make sure you shake that can before spraying it on there.

Me: How long do I shake it for?

Dad: Until the marble dissolves.

After 15 minutes and a sore arm I started asking questions...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaWizard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
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A joke my chemistry teacher made

Brown bear and polar bear go swimming. The polar bear dissolves. Why? Because he is polar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OkiTheUnicorn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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How did the ant serial killer cleanly dispose of his victim’s bodies?

He dissolved them in antacid.

Ba-dum… tsss!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rekabis
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I once met someone so basic

The acid couldn't dissolve their body

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeoMarethyu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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Two bears are sitting in a tub.

The polar bear dissolves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmortalVoddoler
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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This is my dad’s favorite joke, and it’s completely awful

Three college students (Jim, Tom, and Steve) decided to stay overnight in an abandoned house that was supposedly haunted, all to prove that there was nothing supernatural there. They decided to sleep in separate rooms to increase chances of scary things happening. Each room was connected to one long hallway which lead to some stairs. After a while, the three called it a night and went to their separate rooms.

At midnight, Jim woke up to the sound of a scream coming from one of the rooms. He ran out into the hall where he met Steve, who also had just woken up. They walked into Tom’s room, and he was nowhere to be found. β€œSurely this must be a prank” thought Jim, and he and Steve decided to go back to bed. He slept for almost an hour when Jim woke up to another scream coming from a different room. He ran into the hall, and this time Steve did not join him. He walked into Steve’s room, and noticed that Steve had completely vanished. Still in the mindset that this was a prank by his two friends two, Jim went back to bed.

An hour later, Jim woke up to the sound of thumping in the hallway. He went out of his room and saw a giant coffin with chainsaws attached to where arms would be. The coffin was also blocking the exit, meaning that the only way to go was the stairs! Jim immediately ran up them as fast as he could. He stopped to catch his breath, then heard the thumping of something coming up the stairs, so he started running again! He ran into another set of stairs going up, so he ran up them as fast as he could. He stopped to catch his breath, when once again, he heard the thumping of something coming up the stairs, so he started to run. Eventually, he reached a dead end in a bathroom. He turned around to see the coffin at the doorway. Frantically, Jim scavenged the cabinets for anything he could use to fight it. All he could find was some cough drops. Using all the strength he had, he threw the cough drops at the coffin. Upon impact, the coffin suddenly started to dissolve! Before long nothing remained of it. Jim was astonished! The cough drops had stopped his coffin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumPoptart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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Dadjoked by boyfriend while watching Wreck it Ralph

So tonight my boyfriend, roommate and I are watching Wreck it Ralph with some friends. We're about a half an hour in and we are at the scene right before Venelope throws the medal into the funnel thing(?). King Candy is currently throwing candy to the audience members who are made out of candy.

Guy Friend: Wait. So. They're made out of candy, but King Candy is giving them candy to eat???

Boyfriend: Yeah. They're candybals.

Roommate and I dissolve into a fit of giggles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Chuckles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2014
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My Mom just got me...

We were talking about jam that I made 11 years ago. I didn't dissolve the sugar properly, so Mom froze it, and will cook it down a bit before eating it.

She just found a jar that didn't need to be cooked down, and let me know. I replied "Holy cow! That's nuts!"

Her response? "No, it's not nuts! It's strawberry!! You must be thinking about peanut butter! lol"

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
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