Did you hear about the dentist who was displeased with all the awards his son was earning?

There was major plaque buildup.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJettisoned
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is displeased.

My wife took the day off because she had an eye doctor appointment. She just sent me a text.

"Can't wait to see you!"

"Is that a contact lens joke?"

"No"

"Woulda been a good one!"

She has not replied. I regret nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soomuchcoffee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I used to have a job circumsizing elephants

It didn’t pay much but the tips were big

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cmhdragon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A father, wanting to instil some manliness and maturity in his sons, brings them camping. The only food they get to eat is the food they get from the forest.

The dad splits up from the boys in the morning, leaving them the task of getting food for the day.

The boys chance upon a patch full of peas - they have enough for all three meals and to pelt each other with.

Reuniting at the end of the day, the dad asks how it went.

β€œWe played with each other’s peas!” The little one chimes in.

Just a little displeased, dad asks him sternly to clarify.

β€œWe gathered peas, he meant.” Added the middle boy.

β€œOkay, and what did you have for breakfast?”

β€œPea soup.”

β€œLunch?”

β€œPea soup.”

The boys started sniggering.

β€œWhat’s so funny? And what about dinner?”

β€œNothing dad. We had pea soup too.”

β€œWell, that doesn’t seem like much. What did you do all evening?”

Bursting out laughing, they all said:

β€œPee soup.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neloc1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A friend told me this one today

Some monks set up a cart and began selling flowers for funerals in front of an Irish Catholic church. The bishop was displeased as selling funeral arrangements was a source of revenue for the church so he hired his very large friend Hugh McWIlliams to chase them away. For weeks Hugh stood guard and the monks didn't return until the bishop decided that the matter was resolved and relieved Hugh of his duty. The very next day the monks returned with their cart of flowers and it was at this point the bishop realized: only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Odhrain
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.