What did the diabetic say at the bakery?

Donut be afraid!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shreya_shree
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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Heard your dad is a diabetic DJ that drinks cans of sprite during his sets...

The crowds always chanting β€˜back one again for the lemonade master’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SR21-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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My diabetic wife asked me why i stopped being nice to her.

" I can't be sweet, you're diabetic "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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What language did the ancient diabetic people speak

Insulatin

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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My diabetic son's insulin delivery kit just came in the mail

He's pumped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/like_and_umm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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(Genuine) My dad has been Diabetic (type 1) since he was 19

When he tells people he always says he's "diabolic" before correcting himself. 15 years at least he's been saying it and it never gets old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dlittlefair1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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I work in a nursing home. A diabetic schizophrenic I always give sugar free life savers to just said, "You haven't brought me any damn candy all day!" I replied, " I just got here, you need to be patient."

She said,"I am a damn patient!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ugadrugdawg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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What does a diabetic's blood taste like?

Sweet irony

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thingie64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2016
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My dad, type 2 diabetic, after 11 months of suffering chemo/radiation treatment for pancreatic cancer, 5 months after he was told the surgery failed and it was terminal. Brother reads off the back of a Sweet'N Low packet "...been determined to cause cancer to laboratory animals" Dad snaps back

"Bullshit! I've been using that stuff for years and...(looks at 13" scar across his stomach from whipple procedure to remove tumors, looks back at family for effect) oh... shit..."

Never lost his great attitude towards life, family, and people in general. Always quick with a joke/dad joke until the end.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude0311
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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What did Mary Poppins sing to a diabetic child?

β€œJust a spoonful of medicine makes the sugar go downβ™ͺ”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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What do you call a diabetic who's open to other cultures?

Lacks toes n' tolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprelish
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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What did the diabetic army man tell the cashier at the donut shop?

Donut ask. Donut tell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtfletch11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2017
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I have a diabetic racist uncle who doesn't get on with milk.

He lacks toes and tolerance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cixibill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2016
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I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...

Is this a trick question?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Diabetes medication has a profit margin close to 1000%

Now that's just Insul(t)in'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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I used to think diabetes was a pain in the butt

But it turns out to be more of a pain the the fingers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epic_Mustache
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Diabetes daddy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeardedDuck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes

I feel so defeeted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I went to the diabetes screening

It's just a movie about sugar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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In the beginning the god of diabetes said...

Let there be cake!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pharmerino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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For all you folks living with diabetes... (My daughter and I both have type 1.) Here’s the joke β€” What do you say when the waitress at the Mexican restaurant asks you if you want sauce with your carne asada?

A1C por favor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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My doc said I shouldn't be making puns on diabetes its a serious disease..

I said I can't help it doc, its a pun-creatic disease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IfuM52
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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NASA scientists say it may be possible to live on Mars.

What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanixATK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I'm not supposed to eat anything too suite.

I've got typo diabetes.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What does a vampire bite if he wants something sweet?

A necktarine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hevlerius73
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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What do you call a dad with diabetes?

A sugar daddy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Reeddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?

They know how to break the ice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Sometimes I wonder if

the website of Diabetes Support Groups ask for cookies?

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Do you know the worst thing about being an alcoholic with diabetes is?

All the shots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LargestLadAround
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.

It could be a lifesaver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotter66
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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I have tight too diabetes

I've been eating a lot of candy and when I put any clothes on I say "these are tight too!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CudaRavage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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My wife wanted me to start sweet talking to her everyday

I told her i can't because I'm diabetic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? Were you expecting a pi joke?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Two diabetes

my doctor told me to type that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueChamp10
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2017
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What is the sweetest way to die?

Choking on sugar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/10fighter55
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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When do you know you have diabetes?

When your favorite aunt is Aunt Jemima.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDDDouble
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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Lady gaga has type 1 diabetes

When asked by my kid's friend what the difference between type 1 and 2 diabetes is, I said, "Type 2 diabetes is developed later in life. Type one is like Lady Gaga."

a reply of blank stare for a moment, then he said, "Lady Gaga is diabetic?"

My reply: "No. for type one diabetes, you are born this way"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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My coworker's grandfather is in the hospital with complications from his diabetes. He was told he might lose his leg.

He responded, "But I'm so attached to it!"

Thank you to my friend/coworker and her grandfather for having a sense of humor and not having an issue with me exploiting him for that sweet, sweet karma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grimfel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2017
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Did you hear about the guy who killed himself cause the doctor had to amputate his toes due to complications with diabetes?

I guess he was also lack toes intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperScopeSix
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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Life is like a box of chocolates...

It sucks for people with diabetes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachp787
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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John has 10 cakes. He eats 6 of them. What does he now have?

Diabetes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WqrriorCow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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My Dad literally just came out with this in the car...

I was explaining the interesting L-glucose thing I saw on Reddit t'other day to my diabetic father.

Dad: oh, so it's Spanish glucose then?

He thought it was great.

Edit: TIL I am a neckbeard-Yorkshireman with a Dad who literally bats for 't'other side' - for anyone still in the dark,"t'other" is contraction of "the other" commonly heard in NE England; it is commonly used elsewhere as a lighthearted/bucolic affectation.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squibly_Giblets
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Just been to a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies !!!!

Is that a trick question.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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