Darker Puns

Maybe its just dim sum

Me: Hey doesn't tonight seem darker than usual?

Co-worker: Well isn't it a new moon or something.

Me: Well what happened to the old one?

http://i.imgur.com/4T3awam.jpg

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/512/447/417.png

http://24.media.tumblr.com/097ab89f865a7f061f15edc795c136dc/tumblr_mxcqbqQk3I1rc4b8ho8_500.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/Qjsyzh0.jpg

http://www.reddit.com/r/HeyCarl/

It’s dark, isn‘t it?

It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.

"How did you even see that?" I asked.

And she answered, "With my spider-sense."

I love this woman so, so much.

There are 1000 species of banana in the world and the difference between the lighter ones and the darker ones are because the lighter ones lacatan.

They can both make your acetone darker...

Bob

Edited because I used the darker version by mistake

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

Her: I have to get home for a party. Bob's 50. It's a surprise.

Me: No, I'm pretty sure he knows how old he is

Dad: "You know, we're actually descendants of one of the oldest native tribes in this part of the country, right?"

Me: "Really?"

Dad: "Yeah, The Fagawee tribe. I remember when I was little, your grandpa took me on a spiritual pilgrimage through the forest. He drank a lot and smoked some native herbs. The herbs didn't seem to be working, though, because as it got darker, we seemed to be walking in circles. It was cold in the woods and we seemed to keep coming across the same old log. Finally, in the middle of my dad's spiritual trance, he fell to his knees in a clearing, raised his hands high, and proclaimed "We're the Fawagwee!"

Translation: ("Where the fuck are we?")

Right next to the Darker!

hehehehehe

BACKGROUND: Strokes can cause communication disorders, such as aphasia. This gem happened the other day.

Her (discussing beer with client): You like darker beers? I respect them but I prefer lighter ones like Spotted Cow.

Client 1: Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

Client 2: Literally

We are watching a show about the dark side of humans. A guy on the show says "but why do we have a darker side"

Dad:I thought that was called melanin

My mom had think about that one for a bit

"Women...you can't live with them, can't shoot them."

A little darker than this sub usually gets but he was a dad.