If alcohol can damage your short term memory
Imagine the damage alcohol can do.
My friend today is intentionally staring at the sun to cause eye damage.
Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore
I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so he’d have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.
Guess we’ll call him Eggplant now
COVID-19 can cause damage to the brain, heart, and lungs.
Luckily for Trump, he just needs to worry about lung damage.
My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
A conspiracy enthusiast told me that to many nose swabs for Covid could cause brain damage.
I told him that President Trump gets tested every day!
Ducks love raw potatoes and will attempt to unearth them with their bill. Enthusiastically mistaking rocks for potatoes can cause damage leaving them...
The roads were so rough, it damaged my laptop.
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.
She did not hold Up well.
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, “I want to sue the airline!”
The lawyer said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
I went back to that shop that sells new but damaged goods...
...yeah, I went back for seconds.
My son asked me today what do you call a damaged horse house?
Unstable.
Fair play have to hand it to him.. he got me.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
Our grocery delivery driver told us one of the milk cartons got damaged and leaked into the bag.
My 15yr old son picked up the first bag, which had a long vegetable sticking out and said "I've found the leek, dad."
Proud dad moment.
I was watching my son play a Zelda game and I told him it's more effective to lose your health during the summer and winter seasons. He looked at me all confused and asked why? I told him it's because...
that way you won't take any fall damage.
I broke my hand last week, at the hospital thinking it was permanently damaged, I asked the Doctor if I’d be able to play guitar. He replied “Yes, after you’ve taken time to heal”
I was ecstatic, I’ve always wanted to know how to play.
My kid damaged my iphone so I am giving it away
He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blonde hair...
Doctor: “You’ve damaged several muscles including your calf and your quad.”
Patient: “Is that true, or are you just pulling my leg?”
I worked with this guy Rob once...
...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.
He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.
"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."
What did the river sue for?
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and i might never speak again.
I can't tell you how upset i am
COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously
A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
The other day I was attacked by a bunch of children...
but it's okay since I only took minor damage.
Mate of mine used a modified Fatman in a New Vegas inspired talbetop-RPG. We both found the damage calculation of the lingering damage the GM thought of quite punny:
"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
Quasimodo is suing Notre Dame Cathedral for the damage to his back from all the Bell-ringing.
I think he might be getting a big lump sum.
I asked the library women of there are any books on the Titanic
She said they might have been damaged, wet and moldy.
I overdosed on viagra once...
Grandad always hated the milkman
My grandad always hated the milkman. Every time the guy limped up to the door (he’d had his foot damaged in the war) to drop off our delivery grandad would always grumble and mutter. I asked the old man what he had against the milkman. I never got a good answer.
It wasn’t until years later that I figured out that grandad was just lack toes intolerant.
There was an accident at the coal mine
Nothing too serious, just some miner damage
A church recently sustained a lot of damage, and had to hire a contractor in order to replace all of it's bells which were destroyed. After completing the work, all of the contractors were promptly arrested.
They were charged with re-belling.
I got in trouble at work for damaging an executive's Microsoft tablet.
I defended myself saying "I've barely scratched the Surface"
Spent all day rinsing several palates of damaged Coca-Cola cans at the food bank today. The stuff at the bottom was ... gross. At home mom asked what we did.
We sorted sorta sordid sodas.
Someone keyed a music note into my car
The damage appears to B Minor
If alcohol can damage your short term memory
Just think what alcohol can do!
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said you don’t have much of a case.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
I took the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer and said, “I want to sue the airline!”
The lawyer said, “You don’t seem to have too much of a case.”
My kid damaged my new IPhone 11 so I’m giving it away.
He is 3 years old, blonde, and has black eyes.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, “I want to sue the airline!”
The lawyer said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
I showed my lawyer the damaged remains of my bag and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said, “You don’t seem to have much of a case.”
I went back to that shop that sells damaged new goods...
...I went back for seconds.
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