“!desrever m’I won dna gnorw enog sah gnihtemoS !deneppah tahw wonk t’nod I daD”
When you hear someone shout "You da Dad" –
– if there is no DNA proof, then you ain't da Dad.
I recently saw a big tall rock that was inspired by Leonardo Da Vinci
It was called the Monolitha
Did you know that they called JFK "John Kennedy" before he was assassinated.
The "F" was added later to pay respects.
What do you call Batman and Robin after the Joker ran them over with a steam roller?
Why did the woman fall in love with a lumberjack?
How does Darth Vader like his steak?
Done Done Done
Done Da-Done
Done Da-Done...
With credit to my seven year old, who tells this joke about 30 times a day.
My four year old has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say please.
I think that's poor for four.
What’s the meaning of IDK?
I asked random people what does IDK stands for, but none of them knew…
When you need to cast a main enemy bad guy for a movie, it seems like Willem DA FOE should be the obvious choice.
I joined a dating site for arsonists.
I've been getting a lot of matches.
Climate change is da foe now
Everybody keeps telling me, that I'm the worst Mailman they've ever seen.
Oops..sorry!
I meant to post this elsewhere..
I met my would be wife in the middle of a flight when there was a ticket mix up that seated me next to her instead of with my friends.
It ended up being a blessing in da skies.
Why did the guy with a foot fetish hate winning?
I confused the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza."
Now I'm in some hot water with the Japanese mafia
New dad here - Need advice from experienced dads in the group
How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?
Saw a guy walking around the Olympic village holding a nine foot stick. I asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?"
He responded, "No, I'm German. And how did you know my name was Walter?"
When Ben Affleck played Batman he was called Batfleck. When Pattinson played Batman he was called Battinson. What would The Rock be called if he played the Batman ?
I was just introduced to a new vegetable themed female rapper
Her name is
Nicki Spinaj
I’ll see myself out
Bro, do you want this pamphlet?
My wife booked us a table at a restaurant called The Manhattan Project.
I asked her if it's a fusion restaurant. She blew up at me.
What are the chances of a cow standing in a field getting struck by lightning?
Leonardo da Vinci made up a nickname for the noisy tenant in the apartment next door.
To whomever stole my copy of Microsoft Office
I will find you. You have my Word.
What fish is the most delusional?
The Fanta fish, because it lives in a fantasy
what is a cat's favorite type of cheese?
What was left after the cheese factory exploded?
What do you get Devin Hester for Christmas?
Nothing because he would just return it.
What happens once in a minute, twice in a week and once in a year?
We have great deals on soda here!
I used to do drugs in the 90’s.
Now I don’t care what temperature it is.
What's the worst conversation starter?
The Titanic. It's not a great ice-breaker.
What do you call Jamaican Judge?
I wish someone would tell me what "IDK" means.
Every time I ask, they say "I don't know."
Healthy relationships are a lot like an exciting game of cricket.
It's all about the boundaries
I had a brief rap career that never really took off
I was known as Da Middle Kid and never got any attention.
(Alternate version: I was once part of a rap duo with Da Baby, but he always got All the attention. You've probably never even heard of me, I was Da Middle Kid.)
We all know where the Big Apple is. But does anyone know where the...
Charli da mello (I'm sorry)
Maybe I am a bed.
Because all the bedsheets happens to me.
Where do you find a grieving crocodile?
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