No way to cushion the blow
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Classic_Result
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Suffer the Reaper Cushions
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Never challenge death to a pillow fight. Unless you are prepared for the reaper cushions.
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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Why is Jesus a good runner

He does cross country

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RY-historian04
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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I told my chair to put its arms up.

I found some cushion its pocket.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gdspaz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.

After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight...

Unless you’re prepared to deal with the Reaper cushions.

stolen from r/jokes. Credit to u/shopcounterwill. I don’t know how to link or tag stuff on Reddit

Edit: apparently I do. Haha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmorris82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Toilet joke

What do u call a cushion on the toilet seat?

A stool softener

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrwizit
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Why do drummers make terrible couch salespeople?

They charge per cushion.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/errsta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Nothing really mattress... imgur.com/gallery/be7NBOx
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CattyKate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2014
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I've always hated throw pillows, but this one is dope!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBruh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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Today my mom turns 53, and it's tradition that my dad fills the kitchen with posters before she wakes up, wishing her a happy birthday. This year's were some of his worst (best) work.

http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hhjrxymos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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I stole two sofas from death.

Turns out I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rengokufan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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I tried to challenge Death to a pillowfight instead of a chess game

But I was unable to handle the reaper cushions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qmechan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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One of the hosts of the View invited me to her home and we sat in her den. She then offered a pillow...

It was a Whoopi cushion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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What happens when you sleep in Death's bed?

You will have to face the reaper-cushions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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Recently bought a couch company

Sofa I’ve been getting very few customers. It’ll be good if I get some soon. That would help cushion the blow when I tell my wife where the money went. Anyways, I better find a way to fix this. The chairholders aren’t too happy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FactoryBuilder
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I wrote a bad joke about a pillow with my previous wife's face on

Terrible ex a cushion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pratik007789
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?

One per cushion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnectomy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Loss of a loved one

I hope this is the right sub.... I'll never forget the day we lost my grandmother. It was a deeply difficult time. But it turns out she had just slipped between the couch cushions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/likeCircle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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At a moment of exasperation

I have twins that each have a stuffed fox they love. I find one on my couch cushion and pick it up before sitting down after a rough day.

Kid 1: "papa, can I have that fox?"
Me: "sure, sweetie"
Kid 2: "can I have a fox too?"
Me: "sorry, peanut, I'm all out of fox to give"

edit: formatting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0x6d1e
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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My radiographer dad.

Dad: "I had to CT a guy at work today. Poor guy had been hit in the head with a pillow."

Me: "Wha... a pillow?! How hard was it?"

Dad: "Pretty hard. They were worried he might have con-cushion..."

πŸ‘︎ 195
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattazza
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight!

Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holy_Kynon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Never start a pillow fight with Death...

...unless you're sure you can handle the Reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you are prepared to face the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theswarthyknight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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If you get into a pillow fight with death...

Be prepared for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToothSleuth86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sk1wbw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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Never challenge Death to a pillow

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sebaspa1219
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Never challenge death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saibotspons-alien
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Never challenge death to a pillow fight

Unless you’re ready to face the reaper cushions

πŸ‘︎ 223
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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Never have a pillow fight with Death.

Unless you're ready to handle those reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshuaFnBoyer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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I challenged Death to a pillow fight.

Now I have to face the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mudpucket2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Never challenge death to a pillow fight....

Otherwise you'll face reaper cushions

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Never Challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you are prepared for the Reaper Cushions

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhena_lahrie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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Never challenge death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t3chnophile
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Never challenge death to a pillow fight

Unless you're prepared to face the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/St0rmyKn1ght
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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You should never fight a pillow

Unless you wanna face the reaper-cushions

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haydnsmith7506
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you’re able to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpitFyre8513
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Don't get into a pillow fight with death

Unless you are willing to face the reaper cushions

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kamikaze101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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