When my friend was tired of farming apples, but was too afraid that his business would fail if he cultivated anything else, I told him,

"Grow a pear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cobblecloth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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My five year old is cultivating a proper intolerance for Dad Jokes

Him: [Playing with various toys] "Help me! Two sea monsters!!"

Me: "Help you to see monsters? They're right there."

Him: [With the eyerollest eyerolls that ever eyerolled] "No, Dad, this is not for puns."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2015
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I visited a gardening center to complain about my difficulties cultivating a apple tree.

He told me to grow a pear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EatMoreCheese
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It went down the road, and turned into a field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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Nowhere near original but I got a slow head turn reaction

Girlfriend reading article on phone.

I comment "what is this guy holding in the photo?"

She says "mushrooms"

I said "wow". They were huge mushrooms.

She says "Yeah this guy has found a way to cultivate natural pesticides from fungi and has a patent too"

My response "Wow. He seems like a really fun guy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_COFFEE_TO_ME
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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