Re-Morse code.
Credit: @Dadsaysjokes
I don’t want to take credit for this joke.
Cash or a check will be fine though.
They say I have an “outstanding balance.”
But they’re always checking me out
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
Times new ramen!
“before I start, I would like to check if my mic is working..” “if your name is Michael, please stand up”
then a couple of guys stand up and he goes
“that concludes my mike check”
(I saw this tweet and just had to share it!) Click here for credit
Batman: Check the battery.. Robin: What’s a tery?
Credit:r/whitepeopletwitter
The funniest and cutest wedding puns by Puns Ville
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Let’s talk about rights and lefts. You’re right so I left
Marriage is: Finding the one person to ANNOY for the rest of your life!
To some, marriage is a word. To others, a sentence.
When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
Honeymoon: The holiday a man takes before he begins to work for a new boss.
When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Cantelope.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
To many girls think the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it.
Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
Two nuclear technicians got married. She was radiant and he was glowing.
Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
When a psychic showed me the girl I’ll marry, it was love at second sight.
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ The other replied, ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, ‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’ The husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is
... keep reading on reddit ➡He gets to the hospital and they say "sorry but we have no human ears left, but we can get you one from a pig"
The man agrees and the transplant goes ahead. He grows out his hair a little so people won't notice and then waits for his check up.
The doctors ask "How are you enjoy your new ear?" and the man says "It's okay, but there's a little crackling in it"
(credit to my dad for trolling me)
He must have it in his Genes.
But seriously check out his Star Trek track listings. The guy loves a good pun.
Star Trek
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Star Trek
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Nailin' The Kelvin
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Labor Of Love
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Hella Bar Talk
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Enterprising Young Men
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Nero Sighted
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Nice To Meld You
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Run And Shoot Offense
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Does It Still McFly?
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Nero Death Experience
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Nero Fiddles, Narada Burns
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Back From Black
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That New Car Smell
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To Boldly Go
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End Credits
Star Trek Into Darkness
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Logos / Pranking The Natives
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Spock Drops, Kirk Jumps
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Sub Prime Directive
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London Calling
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Meld-Merized
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The Kronos Wartet
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Brigadoom
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Ship To Ship
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Earthbound And Down
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Warp Core Values
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Buying The Space Farm
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The San Fran Hustle
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Kirk Enterprises
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Star Trek Main Theme
Star Trek Beyond
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Logo and Prosper
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Thank Your Lucky Star Date
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Night on the Yorktown
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The Dance of the Nebula
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A Swarm Reception
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Hitting the Saucer a Little Hard
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Jaylah Damage
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In Artifacts as in Life
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Franklin, My Dear
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A Lesson in Vulcan Mineralogy
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MotorCycles of Relief
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Mocking Jaylah
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Crash Decisions
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Krall-y Krall-y Oxen Free
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Shutdown Happens
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Cater-Krall in Zero G
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Par-tay for the Course
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Star Trek Main Theme
My Dad and I were at a store and he wanted to see if an old credit card he had still worked.
Dad: "Can you see if this card still works after the purchase?"
Cashier: "You'll need to check the front desk for that."
Without missing a goddamn beat, he pulled a check/cheque out of his wallet and placed it on the counter.
He checked the desk.
The cashier facepalmed. I facepalmed. He cracked up. I walked away.
Me, checking the mail: Great, another credit card ad from Southwest.
Roommate: You should get a Southwest card, you'd be surprised how far those miles go.
Me: Yeah, 5,280 feet.
