Funeral homes might start displaying bodies of the deceased again after Covid-19 lockdown...
But that remains go be seen.
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︎ May 17 2021
I asked the nurse giving me my covid vaccine if she moonlights as IT
because she seems really good at installing antivirus!
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︎ May 16 2021
Because of the covid-19 lockdowns, every morning for the past year, I announce proudly to my family that Iβm going for a jogβ¦ and then I donβt.
Itβs my longest running joke of the year.
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︎ May 13 2021
No one in Antarctica has Covid-19
Its because they are ICE-O-LATED
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︎ May 09 2021
I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas.
Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
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︎ May 03 2021
Covid can cause another condition, however, this condition won't come up in people living in sweden.
It's called Stuckhome syndrome
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︎ May 01 2021
If you and your buddies should all get COVID vaccines and the doses need to be kept in freezers...
then you're cracking open a cold Bud-Pfizer!
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︎ Apr 29 2021
What's Elsa's favorite thing about lockdown during covid?
Ice-o-lation
My 9yr old came up with this one all by herself while watching Frozen.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
I got my COVID shot today...
My cell service is great now!
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Was going to do a COVID joke...
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︎ Apr 19 2021
What covid vaccine did Sagat from Street Fighter take?
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Sagat Tiger
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π
︎ Apr 20 2021
How would Karl Marx react to Covid 19?
He would practice socialist distancing.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Yesterday I received my second round of the Russian covid-19 vaccine...
It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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π
︎ Apr 16 2021
Why isn't Dracula allowed out during COVID?
π︎ 52
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Told my luggage there wonβt be any vacations because of COVID-19
Now Iβm dealing with emotional baggage
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Told my kid that I was taking my Mom to a Covid Vaccine event at the convention center.
They said, βOh, a mass shooting.β
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
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π
︎ Apr 13 2021
Why don't anteaters get Covid?
They're full of antibodies.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Why did Dwayne Johnsonβs family get tested for covid?
They couldnβt smell what the rock was cooking
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︎ Apr 01 2021
I tried to tell my vaccinated friend a COVID joke.
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︎ Mar 30 2021
My friend found out she was pregnant shortly after getting her covid vaccine
I'm calling it the Inoculate Conception
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Story: Lasting after effect of COVID-19
True story. Happen about 2 hrs ago.
Back trying. My wife and I both work in the medical field. She runs hospital employee health dept, and Iβm the dental director for a public health agency.
My wife had Covid-19 in January. We were talking about the long term, later effects of Covid on peopleβs health.
Wife: I wonder what the residual effects of Covid-19 are. My left ear hasnβt been right since I had Covid.
Me: Well of course not.
Wife: Why? What have you heard?
Me: Well your left ear canβt feel right. Itβs your left ear.
Wife: God, why did I marry you 33 years ago?
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︎ Mar 30 2021
The spread of Covid 19 is based on 2 factors....
-
How dense the population is.
-
How dense the population is.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation
When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
The second COVID vaccine causes a speech disorder in Spanish speakers
They keep asking for dose dos
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︎ Mar 28 2021
I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
TIL: In spite of Covid, all African countries are insisting that customers should sit in a restaurant and eat dinner.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
My wife told me to push fluids when I got my covid vaccine
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︎ Mar 24 2021
If you wear glasses and have been required to wear a mask during the COVID pandemic, you may be entitled to condensation.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
Iβm gonna buy cereal with my COVID relief money.
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︎ Mar 13 2021
Did you hear the nasty rumor about Covid?
I better not tell you, it might spread.
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︎ Mar 13 2021
COVID must have a lot of followers now,
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 11 2021
Dracula might have COVID.
Heβs been coffin in his sleep.
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︎ Mar 08 2021
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
Iβm really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
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︎ Mar 08 2021
Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...
Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
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π
︎ Mar 01 2021
My Dad got his Covid vaccine in his leg
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Turns out all my exes had COVID for years.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
The power went out when I got my COVID vaccine, and I got lost in the building.
It was a shot in the dark, but I found it!
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︎ Feb 27 2021
I told my wife I was going to accompany her to get her Covid Vaccine, and see if they could do mine as well. She said they probably wouldn't. I replied, "I don't know..."
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︎ Feb 26 2021
What is covid's best hookup line?
"People say I have an infectious personality."
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Can't seem to get a job in the Covid Era...
I think I have hired immunitity.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Why doesn't Covid touch kids?
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 23 2021
Why can't ants catch Covid?
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︎ Feb 22 2021
What do you call the feeling of taking off your COVID mask when you get home?
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Why did Dwayne βThe Rockβ Johnsonβs family get tested for COVID-19
They couldnβt smell what the rock was cooking.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
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