Why can’t you cook wood on the stove?

Because it’s a non-stick pan...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d__n__a
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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The waitress asked me how I wanted my steak cooked

I told her I wanted it cooked on a stove.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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I visited some Welsh people and they had a leak in their toilet.

I'm sure it would be more hygienic to cook it on the stove.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Pulled this one on my kid brother

So we are both in the kitchen cooking on the stove. I'm stirring the pasta and feel it is sticking on the bottom. He notices and says:

Him: is it sticking?

Me: a little on the bottom

Him: Well turn it down.

Me (directly at pot on stove): I'm sorry, I don't like you that way, I think we should just be friends.

Him: (blank stare, shaking head)

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diddy0071
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2013
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Whisky Business

My wife was making gravy at the stove when she whisked too hard and splashed some on her hand, burning herself.

Not missing this opportunity I said "well you know what they say about burning yourself cooking at home.... it's the whisk you take.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/americanrabbit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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Dad got me last night while cooking dinner

I'm standing at the stove looking bored, cooking a spelt broth.

Dad: If you want to know when that's ready, you'll need to use speltcheck.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
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Lunch time

Just got my girlfriend with this one. I had been doing some work on my laptop on the kitchen bench and left it charging with the cable going over the stove top. My girlfriend said "xenzor, can you move your laptop. I need to cook and can't eat your laptop", I instantly came back with "if you're hungry it's ok there are lots of Megabytes".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xenzor
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2015
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