The wife accused me of always dropping random Elvis lyrics in our conversations.

Her suspicious mind left me all shook up

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.

Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.

Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?

Dad: Knock Knock.

Me: Who’s there?

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NC0828
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A real conversation I had last night

Her: β€œIs it difficult for you to talk about this stuff?” (My erectile dysfunction)

Me: β€œY’know, normally yeah it is, but with you it’s nothing hard at all...”

Edit: I made this joke completely by accident and then immediately started laughing like a maniac.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Choopzilla
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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Daughter (complaining): :Daaaad, that's boring!" Son (overhearing end of conversation): "What's boring?"

Me (to son): digging holes in the ground.

mum: snigger

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

πŸ‘︎ 24k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amalgamxtc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]

Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"

Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."

Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"

Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."

Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"

Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."

πŸ‘︎ 467
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A touching conversation
πŸ‘︎ 891
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a midget once, our conversation was very awkward...

I’m not very good at small talk.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Just a regular conversation
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jluke223
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Conversation regarding YouTuber Therapist "Dr Honda" I had with my girlfriend
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J-L-Picard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Conversations about mythical creatures can sometimes drag on
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Three old ladies were having a picnic when the following conversation took place.

First lady: Isn’t it a bit windy? Second lady: I thought it was Thursday. Third lady: Me too, let’s have a cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A conversation with my 11 year old this morning...

Son: Dad, there's a hole in your t-shirt. Me: I know, it's my religious t-shirt. Son: gives me a blank look Me: It's holy!

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthCoffeeBean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I just had a text conversation with my daughter...

She was sitting in the car at the mall while her mother shopped. I was sitting inside the mall but outside the shop waiting and wishing I was dead.

Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee.

Me: I have no idea. You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble.

Daughter: You're an idiot.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?

Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strungen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A conversation with Dracula

me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles

dracula: venn

me: probably tomorrow

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notmypornaccount9
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Topical...
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vidman33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A real conversation between my brother and his wife + me

Brother: Babe, we need to eat all the pears, they’re going to go bad soon.

SIL: but I don’t like pears, you can eat the rest of them...

Brother: I don’t think I can eat the rest of them by myself though...

Me, from another part of the room: well you better pre-pear yourself!

*ugly laughs from the couch

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/easolo23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
An eggstra special conversation
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeyMan_Man
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a conversation with a ghost once

But I knew it was lying because I could see right thourgh it

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombiehunter201
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
School Drop off Conversation

A Conversation I had with my Daughter when I dropped her off at school

Me: Hey so you know how your cats are always running around all over the place right?
Daughter: Yeah why?
Me: So When they stop moving are they on Paws?
Daughter: Face Palms and says "OKAY DAD BYEEE!!!"
Me: YESSSS! Fist Pump!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
So I had this conversation with a friend just now
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atairy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I can never have a good conversation about wrenches with anyone...

I guess there just isn’t that much to torque about.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't people like having conversations with the ocean?

Because it's always salty!

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phantombrowser405
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a conversation with Beyonce from beyond the grave?

SΓ©once

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EckisReckis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What can you hold without touching it?

Your breath

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Just had a quick conversation with my dad and thought it belonged here

Me: The washer is free

Dad: No it wasn’t, it cost a lot

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unions-orchid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...

Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.

Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.

πŸ‘︎ 599
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Honest conversation.
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Verbatim account of a conversation with my son at breakfast this morning that makes me feel like I’m dadding well:

Son: β€œI hate crumbs.”

Me: β€œThat’s not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.”

Son: β€œWell I don’t want to eat them.”

Me: β€œAnd they don’t want to eat you.”

Son: β€œCrumbs can’t eat anything, Dad. They don’t have a mouth and they can’t swallow things inside them.”

Me: β€œWhat if there’s a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and it’s like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? I’d say it just got eaten.”

Son: β€œAnd I’d say you’re ducking weird.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was born a tree with a penchant for conversation

And I will die a log.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/willowhelmiam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My school going son throws a tantrum everytime I bring up maths and numbers in ordinary conversations

Well, what can i say, kids his age are irrational

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orschinparjin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Never get into a conversation with a flying reptile

Their conversations always dragon for way too long

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pusilli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.

It helps me speak boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.

My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosDragoon89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Such a classic and unoriginal, but my dad just slipped this in a conversation.

I had a cold and my dad asked if my nose was running.

I said yes.

He said, You had better catch it then

I love my dad

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RekYaAll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Two melons were having a conversation about their furture

They were in love, but one of their parents refused to let one of the melons marry the other, so it suggested that they run off and get married. The other melon said, "I'm sorry, but I cantaloupe."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterCheezOtter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
As a dad of boys, poop is always a solid conversation topic.

Sometimes, not so solid, either.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astucker85
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Two friends are having a conversation. "My wife has just gone on vacation in the Carribbean" say's one. "Jamaica?" replies the other.

No, she wanted to go.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I once had a conversation with a dolphin

We just clicked

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_sup_homie_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I mean a deaf person with one arm the other day...

The conversation was pretty one-sided.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurik-P-DuBs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
When you see a person person at the bus stop with no arms and legs don’t start a conversation with...

β€œHi, how are you getting on?”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alluxin_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Take a look at this conversation I had last night
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diabadcat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Quite a plane conversation
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowEggZ
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to start a conversation in the public restroom...

but everyone was occupied

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Persons1001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report

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