Condensation really isn't the best way to water your lawn...

But it'll make dew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i4mb4tm4n
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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How do you get a demon to wipe the condensation off your windshield?

Just ask him politely with a sqouija board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/palm_top
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Condensation is cool...

but evaporation is sublime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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My wife asked me, β€œDid you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”

I said, β€œI don’t see myself doing that.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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(*in a late night TV voice*)

Have you been wearing glasses during the pandemic?!? Have you been wearing your mask?!? You may be entitled to condensation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/engco431
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Are you required to wear a face mask and wear glasses?

You may be eligible for condensation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bokb3o
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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1-800-GET-RICH

If you, or a loved one, wear glasses and are being forced to wear a mask, you may be entitled to condensation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edavis050694
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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What you do get from a dwarf cow?

... condensed milk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marc--
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Have exposure to COVID19 caused you to wear masks and gloves?

If so, you may be entitled to condensation

-Not OC-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scooby_dyver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snyluc13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My Vietnamese driver told me several riddles yesterday, do you know what they were?

First off a six-parter

  1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
  2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
  3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
  4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
  5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
  6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patyboomba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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I tried to catch fog the other day...I mist.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TMallon15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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I'm Deaf, I teach sign language, and I hadn't heard this Helen Keller joke before.

(Technically I haven't heard any joke before, but...)

I was telling my dad about tactile sign, which is what deafblind people use to communicate. It is like signing condensed ASL with someone's hands on yours, and it is what I plan on specializing in when I am a Certified Deaf Interpreter. He brought up Helen Keller and the conversation went as follows.

Dad: "But how many people can really do that? How many people could really communicate with Helen Keller?"

Me: "Well-"

Dad: "PROBABLY JUST A HANDFUL!"

I'm borderline convinced he deafened me as an infant in hopes that someday the set up for this joke would present itself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haydenkristal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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Cloud Joke

Did you ever hear about the water in the atmosphere that tried to break the rules of condensation?

It wasn't a cloud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zachanator2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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So I don't swear in front of the kids...

Something just popped up on my laptop and gave me a jump-scare. I said "Oh Fudge, what is that?" My GF replied with "It's a sweet made from sugar, butter and condensed milk".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DivinePrinterGod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2016
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Road-ice removalists of Memphis came up with a new slogan...

"A little less condensation, a little more traction."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mulimulix
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
🚨︎ report
You know, condensation is cool - but evaporation is sublime.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamscotto49
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Has COVID-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?

If so, you may be entitled to condensation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tburns1469
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you wear glasses and a mask?

You may be entitled to condensation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo8551
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you currently wearing a face mask and glasses to work?

You may be eligible for condensation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crackmytoes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Has COVID-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?

If so, you may be entitled to condensation.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you or a loved one had to wear glasses and a mask

You may be entitled to condensation

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GucciDuc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Has CoViD19 forced you to wear a mask and glasses?

If so, you may be entitled to condensation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ktoner1017
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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