What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?

Tanks for that.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Teacher : β€œCan you list the 10 Commandments in any order”

Johnny: β€œ3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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What do you call a commander in Mcdonalds army?

A patty officer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prophet-five
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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You’ll likely get this if you watched Russell Crowe in Master and Commander...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/renoraid
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Did you know you can change the breed of your poodle by teaching it to giggle on command?

It will change the breed of your dog into a snicker-doodle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Youtuatoot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Picture Perfect Puns

Ancient Scot Richard's Warriors: Dick's Picts

Loki - Trick pics (from my brother)

Pictures of an Adam Sandler movie: "Click" pics.

Pictures of a Kaitlin Olson character: The Mick's pics

Screenahots of these comments: Wit pics

Leaky faucet: drip pics

X1 Cumberbatch photos: Benedict pics

X2 Pope photos: Benedict pics (also works)

X3 Turncoat snaps: Benedict pics

X4 "Wong" image: Benedict pics

Legal command: Writ pics

Pictures of twigs: Stick pics

A Christmas Story scene: lick pics

Pictures of a Winter Saint: Nick pics

Syringe photos: prick pics (from a friend)

Sporting goods store images: Dick's pics.

Dan Harmon cartoon character: Rick's pics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndySkibba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Remotely Yours

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed β€œyes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCandIO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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What did the russian commander say to his troops?

"We're late, stop Stalin, Putin some effort."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAdamStorm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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"Plagiarism squad reporting for duty"

"Copy that."

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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I'm 5'11Β½, but tell everyone I'm 6'0"

On my first day of being an army recruit, we were all lined up and the instructor commanded that those 6 feet and over step forward. Even though I was shy of Β½inch, I stepped forward, along with 15 others.

. After I looked around me, I realized I was noticeably the tallest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwele_music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Why was the captain of the USS Roosevelt relieved of command?

The Navy hates leaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amart612
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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We got a new dog at the weekend, he only obeys commands in Spanish....

He is Espanyol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clarknova77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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[OC] The Final, Most Essential Command
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADAlverde
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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I had the pleasure of serving under one of the calmest commanders in the US Army

General Anesthesia always helped put internal disputes to bed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDewinYourMom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Did you hear about the Native American cook who rose up to become second in command at Bobby Flay's restaurants?

He was a Sioux chef.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?

A kernel.

Sorry guys, a bit corny that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queef_Snortah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Where are our desssssks
πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HemperorSean
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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What did the German commander say to the ticking clock?

Ve haf vays and means of making you tock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Harkonan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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Which day of the year commands you to do something?

March Fourth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/necramencer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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What do you call a robotic dog, that take commands through bluetooth?

Rott-wireless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snakegear50
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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It's true! The Clinton Administration's second in command DID invent the internet!

Look at any web page's source and you will see an Al Gore-ithm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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There's no escape
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_sample_text
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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Proof that priests break the eighth commandment all the time imgur.com/I2ny6zu
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JewInator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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What did commander broccoli say to Sargent potato when he discovered that he was leaking information to the enemy?

You TAITOR!!!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yup_Pup
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?

It goes without saying.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?

He couldn’t get any up-boats

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Master and Commander - Weevil (Xpost from r/videos) youtube.com/watch?v=440l8…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecityhasnosay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Today’s Command Day

March Fourth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthpool117
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?

Commander in Chiefs.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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What is a dancer's favorite video game series?

Command and Conga

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Son: dad, what does it mean to be a man? Dad: It means to be the one that command! To be the one that take all the decisions at home.

One day I want to be a man like mom :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yubimarcano
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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I had to highlight this gem from r/Skyrim
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queen_OwO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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What do you call a commanding officer whose briefings always put you to sleep?

General Anaesthesia.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cobblecloth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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How many ears does Commander Spock have?

Three: the left ear, the right ear and the final frontier!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neolobers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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In the future...

In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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What do you call the pocket change of a ship's commander?

The captain's quarters

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oktayey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

But that tablet only had 10 commands.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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That was gneiss of him
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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What is a Nazi's favorite keyboard command?

Alt+right.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
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I met a dog recently that could only understand commands in Spanish.

It was β€˜espanyol’.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brit_100
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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A nervous soldier had jumped from a helicopter. He Radioed to his commander: "Are you sure these parachutes are safe?"

The commander chuckled, reassuring the solider. "We've had no complaints about them."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Vinushka-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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My dog only listens to commands in Spanish.

He’s Espanyol

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1Calv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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My dog only understands commands in Spanish..

He's Espanyol

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cinnamontheo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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My dog only responds to commands spoken in Spanish...

He’s Espanyol.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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