Today we were eating and my son ate a carrot without using the fork so my wife promptly said: "Don't eat with your fingers..." to which he answered: "I'm eating with my mouth!"
I was soooo happy and my wife had to let it slide...
(We don't speak English so I hope the joke isn't lost in the translation)
EDIT: Thanks for all the upvotes :) This was an unexpected surprise to wake up to. Very happy that it translates in to English so well. Now some clarifications:
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Yes... the carrots were cooked, we are not psychopaths (in regards to our eating habbits)
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My son is 10 years old and still living at home
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We all speak English, just not our native language and not used at the dinner table
She replied, "I love the whole kitten caboodle!"
Characters: My wife, my son (four years old), and my daughter (his twin, so obviously also four).
Son: "My classmate didn't like me laughing at her today."
Wife: "Why were you laughing at her?"
Son: "I'm a vampire! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
Wife: "OH! Like an evil laugh?"
Son: "Yeah! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
Daughter: "I'm a witch! Hee hee hee hee!"
Wife: "So you're both monsters?"
Son: "Yep!"
Daughter: "Hee hee hee hee!"
Wife: "Am I a monster too?"
Son: "Yeah! You're a ... " <dramatic pause> " ... mummy."
Whole family in hysterical laughter, and after it dies down he goes, "Get it!? Mummy!"
I've never been so proud. A spontaneously generated pun of that caliber at four years old, AND an unnecessary clarification/repetition of the joke? I've got high hopes for this one.
Forgive me, as I'm posting from my phone.
My daughter was just over 8 years old.
My wife and I were discussing what we would do with the new baby.
My wife said we should put her down and my 8 year old said
> but that's really mean, she wouldn't like that
It took us all a second to get the joke. But I gave her the worlds biggest high five afterwards
Dad asks my girlfriend how she's feeling (she's been sick for a couple days)
Girlfriend: "Oh, I'm okay"
Dad: "Okay?...Oklahoma's okay OK..."
Good one dad...
EDIT: Clarification
A: You and I should get together and consommé our relationship.
Footnote: If you're not a cook, this joke might require some clarification.
While watching said movie; one of the little people actors popped up on screen spurring a mid movie discussion.
Mom : wasn't he from willow?
Dad: nawh I think he died a few years ago.
Mom: he died young I guess. He was what, 18 in willow?
Me: yeah it's scientifically proven that they live shorter lives.
Then my dad let out the proudest smile I ever saw
Clarification: they're all fine. Warwick davis is alive and well. He is now 44 years old. And I'm 24
For clarification, Forest Hill is an elementery school in our town.
Anyway, we were driving to go get pho, and I was joking about his sister getting kidnapped because she's on a trip to China.
Him: Oh! Speaking of kidnapping, did you hear about the kidnapping at Forest Hill?
Me: No?! When did that happen?!
Him: It's okay, he woke up.
He kept chuckling pridefully to himself that he came up with that joke for a good ten mintutes.
if the server asks "how would you like that cooked" my dad will usually reply with "alive". If the server doesn't get the joke, and asks for some sort of clarification, he says "I want to hear the cries of pain from here."
