A man came up to my cash register.

He put a pistol to my head and yelled, "Don't do anything smart."

"Um," I stuttered. "Sure...OK."

"Open the cash register!" he yelled.

"I don't know how to."

He said, "Don't be dumb."

I said, "Fucking hell, make your mind up."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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I hate the cash register I have to use at work

It's a POS device

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basicbasterd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...

The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pthelynese
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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I met my girlfriend at the cash register.

She was checking me out!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Camo5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Man at the cash register said I had a drinking problem.
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ceno65
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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I was in line for the cash register at the grocery store with my dad

and I notice these big 200 pack containers of Tic Tacs, so I point them out to my dad and say "look, that is intense."

And my dad says back, "That's not intense, that's on a shelf!"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theendofstuff
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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A company with travelling salespeople had an accounting procedure...

There with a company with a lot of travelling salespeople, and they had an accounting procedure that was somewhat unusual. Since the salespeople were driving around a lot, they had to pay a lot of highway tolls. They would get reimbursed for this. Since these expenses were so common, and different from other expenses, they had a series of ceramic tiles that represented the amount of money they paid to take these highways. At the end of the day, after travelling their routes, they would come back and put them in the cash register and take money out to reimburse themselves. But the highways all raised their rates, and so the salespeople would come back with hands full of their tiles. So one Friday, after raised rates and very busy travel, the boss came in to look at the receptionist and her overloaded cash register. He asked her what was going on, and she said:

"The tall tiles in the till tell a tale of tall tolls"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glowing-fishSCL
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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An armed robber bursts into a store one day.

Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts β€œhand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!”

Cashier 1: β€œWhat do we do?”

Cashier 2: β€œDo what he says, I think he means business!”

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Dude, she just totally checked me out.

Right after paying for our food at the cafeteria at work.

Co-worker about the woman working the cash register: "Dude, she just totally checked me out."

Me: "Yea she checked me out too. There goes $4.60."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peeohpee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
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Man, Cashier, and 2 cartons of milk...

A man walks up to a cash register to pay and while his items are being scanned, the cashiers says if he wants the cartons of milk in a bag. The man replies with "No, leave the milk in the carton."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Synth131
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Got dad joked hard while shopping yesterday

My dad and I go up to the cash register at a clothing store to pay for some shorts. My dad asks the cashier "Do you take chips?" (Credit card chip readers) Without hesitation the cashier goes "Yes sir and we have salsa to go with that" and holds up a fresh jar of salsa from behind the register

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkgator23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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Dadjoked a customer at Jimmy John's

I was at the cash register, and a guy placed his order. At the end, he asked for "a glass of water." That is, a big cup instead of a little cup. I said, "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I can give you a laminated paper of water, though."

He thought it was funny, but he did a great job of hiding it.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vulpes-Aurum
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2014
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Classic dadjoke at Work the Other Day.

Father and son place there order and arrive at the cash register to pay and the total was $12.03.

Dad "You got three cents?" Son "No." Dad "Course not you got no sense."

son groaned, I chuckled

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loknarrDotF
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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Dads take on vegetable based rock bands

This is an older story, I think it was roughly 98 or 99. My little brother was getting into rock and was listening to Limp Biskit and Korn. He saved up some money to get a CD so my dad took him to Sam Goody. My little brother gets the newest hit record by Korn and brings it to the counter and check out. With my dad by his side, he places the record on the counter and the late nineties rocker chick, loaded up with tons of eye liner and hot topic wear working the cash register says "oh yeah! I love Korn, I know everything about them, I have all their records." Without a fucking second thought and the straightest face, my dad says "I guess that makes you a little corny."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LDdesign
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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Got Dadjoked at work yesterday

I was covering a cash register while the normal cashier was on break when this guy walked up to me to check out. As i was ringing him up, he casually asked, "do you think they have the 4th of July in England?" I told him "I have no idea", and he responded, "of course they do, it comes between the third and the fifth!"

I was so proud of him.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/climber_g33k
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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Out of state dad joke

I go to college in Wisconsin but I am from Texas, and I went to go cash my paycheck today. Cash register lady asks for my ID and says, "The abbreviation for Texas is TX, right?" I say, "Yeah that's correct." She says, "Okay" I respond, "No, that's Oklahoma."

Flew over her head but I got a couple of chuckles out of the dad's behind me in line.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sayurabird
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2014
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Is a crappy cash register...

...a POS?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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