Bypassing Puns

Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.

My Dad just had a Cardiac Arterial Bypass Graft (Cabg for short). When we were allowed to see him on the ward his first words were 'do you know where we are?'

Worried he was still confused from the drugs we told him 'ITU Dad, you've just had surgery?'

'No,' he said, 'we're on a dual cabbage way.'

Thanks Dad.

Everything in Ordis, Operator? Is that a pun?! Hmm.... I will attempt to bypass this fault.

My dad is getting a pigheart bypass and I desperately need some puns. From kid friendly to severely insensitive please

I laughed my ass off at this roadside protester. He camped out all night hoping to prevent the completion of certain roadways. Well, yesterday, the dumbass died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him weeks ago, but the stupid guy didn't want a bypass.