Why can't you burn a kings fart?
My therapist told me to write a letter to all the people I hate and then burn them…
I have done that…. Now What do I do with the letters?
Why do hipsters always burn their mouths eating pizza?
They got into it before it was cool.
If you ever burn a Hawaiian Pizza.....
Make sure you cook it at aloha temperature next time
My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So i bought her a candle.
I've finally managed to burn off all my winter fat!
Now to do something about these spring rolls...
There’s a guy in my town who’s hosting events every weekend. Of course I can’t always be there but everytime I don’t show up he tells everyone in town I’m a bad guy and that I should burn in hell.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue on the gluten-free pizza?
He ate it before it was cool.
What’s the easiest way to burn 1000 calories?
Leave the pizza in the oven
The Irishman that has the parish priest to burn his dog
There was an Irishman whose dog died, he went to the parish priest and asked him to bury his dog. The parish priest said we can’t bury a dog but you can go down the street to that new sect, They’ll do anything. So the guy asked the priest what is an appropriate gift, is 50,000 enough? The priest replied why didn’t you tell me your dog was Catholic.
My wife said she’s trying to burn calories
So I asked why the oven is only on 70*C?
The fitness trainer was explaining the burn
And how it's caused by a build up of lactic acid. But Arnold Schwarzenegger, not being a native English speaker, thought she said galactic acid, and that's how he became Mr. Universe.
Why did the depressed dragon burn down the village?
Because no one believed in him.
How did the hipsters burn their tongue?
They drank their coffee before it was cool…
Did you know that on pizza in the Middle East, they burn the cheese?
It’s probably because they cook it on a HIGH-RAQ.
Why did Eminem burn the maps?
I guess he wanted you to lose yourself.
My wife told me that if I bought we her one more stupid Xmas present she’d burn it.
I hope she likes the candles I bought her.
And I’m sure he felt the burn too!
An arsonist took the help of an Owl to burn down a forest
You can say the man was in cahoots with the owl
They both arson to be held in trial
If you burn yourself drinking hot coffee, that’s amateur pain…
… but if you burn yourself on a gas grill, that’s propane!
What happens when you're grilling and burn a piece of steak by accident?
My wife hates it when I burn perfume sticks around her...
...she's very incense-itive.
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
If rioters burn down a Chinese takeout...
... do we call it an act of wonton destruction?
Burn
My dad found out that I had an imaginary girlfriend. Dad: “You can do much better, you know!” Me: “Thanks Dad, that means so much to me.” Dad: “I was talking to her.”
What happens when you burn pasta?
My sister becomes physically ill when I burn her toast.
It turns out she's black-toast-intilerant.
Why can’t candles burn during the week?
Because they only burn on wick ends
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"
How do you quickly burn 900 calories?
By forgetting the pizza in the oven
I just found out how to burn 2000 calories
I left my brownies in the oven too long
Came up with this joke for my surgeon at the burn center.
What do you call a guy with a thermal injury to his patella?
>!Bernie!<
Why did the Hawaiian pizza burn?
it needed to be on Aloha temperature
My therapist told me to write letters to everyone who’s hurt me then burn them.
I’ve done that. Now what do I do with the letters?
My therapist told me to write letters to everyone who’s hurt me then burn them.
I’ve done that. Now what do I do with the letters?
I know a bit dark, but all in good fun :)
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate pizza before it was cool.
Why did the man burn the Hawaiian pizza?
He forgot to cook it at aloha temperature!
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it was cool.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool
My girlfriend said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
They drunk coffee before it was cool
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate pizza BEFORE it was cool.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank coffee before it was cool.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue on a piece of pizza?
He ate it before it was cool
My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.
I've done that, but what do I do with the letter.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..
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