Building Construction Puns

Nailed It.

Friendship 😀

theres a draft.

I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”

But I didn’t expect it to be that hard

It was a baseless accusation

Me: “This thing is going to be huge.”

Son: “Why? It’s only three floors high.”

Me: “Look at that elevator shaft! They’re going to build more on!”

Son: “Geez Dad, that’s a bit harsh.”

I don’t know what to make of it.

Those guys really make bank.

Actual joke my dad made while driving past the construction of the building extension: “guess it’s a Wawawa”

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, “I no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, “Let’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, “Little Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, “No way José! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

My dad loves to build. Every few years he takes on a new major construction project; an addition on his house, a huge workshop, something. When he goes to buy lumber he always tries to set the salesman up for this doozy:

Dad: "I'm going to need three dozen 2x4s."

Salesman: "Sure. How long do you need them?"

Dad: "I'm going to need them a long time, I'm building an addition on my house."

(Edit: Structure and spelling (thanks DJUrsus)).

A group of us were walking by a building expansion that's been under construction for a while when one of my coworkers said, "Look! They're installing the large glass windows on the front!"

I couldn't help but say, "I guess that's a pretty clear indicator they're making progress!"

There may or may not have been a face palm afterwards.

A few years ago, my dad decided to take my younger sister, my girlfriend and me to the Philadelphia Zoo. We were just walking in among a crowd of people and my dad noticed there were some construction workers on a roof of one of the buildings in the zoo. Almost immediately, he pointed up to them and said, very loudly, "Hey look! There's a flock of Homo sapiens!" All of the kids and some of the adults in the surrounding area quickly looked up. I even heard one kid ask his mom what a Homo sapien was. My pops was pretty proud of himself for that one.

A man walks out of his work building and hails a taxi. He gets into the taxi and says, "Take me to the sandwich shop up on 45^th street." Ten minutes later they arrive, and the cab driver checks the console. "That'll be $12.00." The man is shocked. "This route used to be only $6.00! What happened?" The taxi driver explains. "Well, construction was blocking the usual route, so I had to double back and take a longer route." The man considers this, then shrugs.

"I guess that's fare."

I'm a construction worker in NYC. At my current job site we're working on a new super tall building, the second tallest in the city. Attached to the building is a temporary construction elevator for moving people and materials up to the upper floors.

So I get in the elevator and it's only me and the operator. We chit chat for the ride up and I ask "So what's it like being an elevator operator for this building?"

He replies "Oh you know, it has its ups and downs"

In hindsight I think I walked right into that one.

I was driving to the gym with him and saw a big hole where some cobstruction* was under way for a new building. I thought it was strange that there weren't any piles with the excess dirt, and said "I wonder what they do with all of the dirt."

My dad had a pretty solid grasp on things- "I think they bury it"

• Construction. Leaving the typo so comments on it make sense.

Friend: I think the tallest is that building in Dubai.

Me: In Dubai?

Friend: Yeah, but I heard it's still under construction.

Me: Really? Well, do you know when it's "due by"?

Friend: ...

>Driving past a fancy looking building under construction.

Friend: What is that?

Me: ...looks like a building...

And that's how I got thrown out of a moving vehicle.

We were standing on the porch watching the construction workers build a house across the street.

Dad: I love work.

Me: Yeah?

Dad: I could watch it all day long.

I promoptly went back inside.

Nailed It.