Being Reckless Is A Breeze
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGoddessNyxx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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Great weather puns aren’t a breeze
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PastaPoop
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
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When the leaves are falling, the setting sun casts shadows across the hills, and a warm breeze blows, ain't that just...

...awetumn?

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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So my dad noticed a breeze...

Dad: "Sorry guys, but your computers might shut off."

Me: "Why? Is the power going out?"

Dad: "I'm closing windows."

Me: "Really dad?"

Dad: "I saw a window of opportunity."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kittems
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2014
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I breezed through my algebra, trigonometry and geometry classes.

But calculus is where I reached my limit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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The Monk and The Cow

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.

"moo."

The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.

"Oooooommmm-"

Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Don't know why everyone is afraid of an F5 tornado...

It’s just a refreshing breeze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Who’s the coldest player in the NFL?

Tom Brrrrrrady

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwStopHittingMe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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I just bought new wind chimes

It was a pretty sound investment

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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I saw that Lady Gaga was about to faint and rushed to her help.

She said, "I need a strong cool breeze on my face."

I said, "I'm sorry but I can't help you. I'm just not a big fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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The wind made me had a boner today.

I guess you can call it a stiff breeze.

( credit to u/Ncrawler65 )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeezBalls41
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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My friend likes to stop by my wind farm and take photographs of my windmills...

He likes to shoot the breeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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That test on wind was so easy

It was a breeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koravel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Had a presentation about wind energy today.

It was a breeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tugboliass
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2016
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I met with my friend who said he developed a weapon to harness the wind and propel it like a bullet. We took turns firing at a target he had in his yard...

We shot the breeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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Wife and I are watching an antiques show, when a weathervane shows up on the screen....

The wife and I both to proceed how we like the look of it, and the wife mentions how she likes the lack of a rooster on top.

To which I reply "Of course dear, no one likes a cock swinging around in the breeze".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spyrulfyre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Makings puns about the wind

Is a breeze

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AskMe4AJoke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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I recently learned how to be a meteorologist...

It was a breeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Derpfire
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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LPT: If you can, try to mow your front lawn on really windy days.

Cleanup is a breeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyCyban
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
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The Dictator

So here's the setup: I recently started working for a taxi cab company. It's surprisingly lucrative, and a shitload better than McDonalds.

So I'm working, and I'm parked in front of a bar, hoping that a fare is gonna knock on my window, when about twenty feet or so in front of me, I see a very good friend of mine. I shout, and we spend the next few minutes shooting the breeze. A fare knocks on my window, and I driver her to where she needs to go.

After, I'm driving back to that bar, and I get a call from my friend, asking if I had another fare lined up. I didn't so he told me to come back, he's got a group for me. They get in the car, and these guys start bugging the shit out of me. Which I can handle. What I can't handle is when they start dealing each other cocaine in my back seat. At that point, I'm just livid. I tell them to give me my money and get the fuck out of my car.

Later, I chat my friend up on Facebook. I tell him that I'm super-grateful that he got me a fare, but to please not ever put those particular assholes in my car again. And since our relationship is built on surreal humor and snark, I start expanding the list. Those assholes. Colombian drug lords. Justin Beiber. Kim Jong-Un. Please, no Korean dictators.

"But what about a penis-shaped potato?"

I'll admit, that one threw me for a loop. But I tell him that potatoes are fine, regardless of shape, size, color, or type.

At that point, I could almost hear him laughing as he typed "Excellent. Instead of a dictator, I'll send you with a dick tater."

I was so pissed off I had walked straight into that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoldierOfTruth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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The Little Red Man

Once upon a time, there was a little red man who lived in a little red house and lived a happy little red life

One day, the Little Red Man decided to take a shower. while he was showering, he heard a little red knock on his little red door echo through his little red halls and into his little red ear. He got out of the little red shower and wrapped a little red towel around his little red waist and went to the door

At the door was an little old lady who was doorknocking for charity. just as he was making a donation,a breeze went by and the little red man's little red towel blew off his little red waist. The little old lady was shocked at his sudden exposure and ran across the road. as she was half way across, she was hit by a semi-trailer.

The moral of the story is: Don't cross The Road when The Little Red Man is Flashing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2012
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My dad got a ticket driving home

Dad: "You'll never believe what happened to me today driving home!"

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Well, I was driving down a back road home from work. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was still shining, a slight breeze was rustling the trees, and all the leaves had changed colors. Yellow, orange, red... just a gorgeous view. I was doing about 55, not a car in sight, when I come around a bend and see a cop car parked on the side of the road. I slowed down, but tried not to slow down so quickly that it would be obvious. I carefully drove up past the cop, being extra careful to stay centered within the lines and maintaining my lower speed. It looked like I was all clear, but then from out of nowhere a turkey jumped out in front of my car! I didn't even have a chance to brake!"

Me: "Jeez that's crazy!"

Dad: "I know! It hit the front of my car, rolled up over the windshield and did a somersault before landing directly onto the hood of the officer's car. He immediately turned on his lights and pulled me over and gave me a ticket."

Me: "What?? But that's not your fault! It was the turkey! What did he even give you a ticket for?"

Dad: "He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird. Hahahaha!"

Me: -___-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoopaSte123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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Sitting in a McDonald's this morning

A group of old men are sitting together to eat breakfast and shooting the breeze eith one another, when one of them got up to head off to work.

One of the men says "Hey, where are you going? "

The man that got up turns around and jokingly says "To go pick up chicks!"

Then one of the men still sitting said "Well you better not pick up any of MY chickens! "

They all had a good laugh at that, thought it was cute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSquiZZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2017
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Dad joked my SO while waiting for takeout.

We're sitting near the entrance of the restaurant when another couple walks in and gets seated. They didn't close the door all the way, and an unpleasant breeze started rolling in. My SO got up and closed the door. As he does down, we have this exchange:

>Me: Thanks, I appreciate it.

>SO: Yeah, nobody likes a draft.

>Me: Well, nobody except the general.

He got silent and I could see the pain in his features.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eccitaze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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The most ridiculous situation ever, capped off with an epic dad joke

A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.

When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.

Then... I saw it.

It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.

I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.

My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.

We ended up going to Denny's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OBJHamSandwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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Dadjoked my son watching the playoff game

They mentioned the weather and the wind, and I asked "Did they say there was a Drew Breeze?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
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