My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday

That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was her birthday

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ‘€︎ u/connor242
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...

...that's your own asphalt!

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Phil is to blame for this one, nothing to do with me.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...

Because that's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...

But it was his own dumb asphalt...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t blame others for the road that you’re on

That’s your own asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spwf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Who do teachers blame when dealing with bad apples?

The Pearents

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soulfox1988
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Who always gets blamed for letting the farm animals out of their pens?

The escapegoat.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cd1cj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the ice cream van that crashed?

The driver blamed it on the rocky road

πŸ‘︎ 308
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πŸ‘€︎ u/belizzb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.

He has selfie steam issues.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/korabdrg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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My Cousin Blames Me For Him Tripping On His Own Driveway.

I don’t understand, it’s his own stupid asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a crow's favorite drink?

Cawffe

My bf told me this don't blame me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poppcorrn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
There has been a growing phenomenon on the African plains where male lions have been turning homosexual

It has started to decimate the population since they aren't mating with the female lions. People are calling it the worst infestation of dandy-lions in history!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caddiss_jc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard people are blaming imaginary evil spirits for Micheal Jackson's death.

Guess they're blaming it on the boogie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aniketraghav7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A bunch of books fell on me yesterday, but I couldn’t find anyone at fault in the accident.

I only have my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/backalleywillie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Why does Eve get the blame for eating the apple?

After all, it was Adam's apple!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.

I wasn’t born until he was an adult.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
September, October, November, and December should have been the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th month.

Whoever screwed this upβ€”- I hope he got stabbed.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A bad workman blames his fools...

EDIT: tools

...stupid keyboard...

πŸ‘︎ 665
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I was shocked to see the Memorial Day pool party videos from the south, but I can't really say I blame them...

Because Missouri loves company.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spiky3420
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I farted and blamed it on the dog.

It was a lie of emission.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaleMcDouble
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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You know what? I think I can.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to build a shelf to hold all my favorite Brie Larson movies

But I didn’t have Room

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
All countries got Coronavirus...
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently read an article about how a woman was killed by a falling bookcase.

Morticians say that she only had her shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilentTempestLord
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A book just fell on my head

I only have my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s only one thing to blame for the cause of earthquakes.

It’s always the Earth’s fault.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themarajade1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
GF has been blaming me for us losing all our stuff in an Earthquake..

even though I told her it wasn't my fault

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onermedscissor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf
πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teranicia
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
When a construction worker farts dont blame him it's his asphalt
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Helpinghamburgers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on.

That's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t blame others for the road you’re on...

That’s your own asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itiswhatitiskid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Don’t blame others for the road you’re on.

That’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicomagnifico
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on.

It's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BamaPaul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
if you crash your car in your driveway who do you blame?

You can't blame anyone else that's your own asphalt!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suktupbutterkup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
You can’t blame anyone for the road you’re on.

It’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decrepit-heart
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Never blame someone else for the road you are on

It’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on.

It's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzusmaximus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on in life.

That's your own Asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Dont blame other for the road you're on.

That's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nishireko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor blamed my gravel for his fall

But it was his dumb asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkone2087
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.

I wasn’t born until he was an adult.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…

But it was his dumb asphalt…

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
🚨︎ report
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall.

But it was his dumb asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bakxr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…

But it was his dumb asphalt…

πŸ‘︎ 555
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report

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