Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/danarchist
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Some well considered puns

From an email my cousin sent me:

I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.

I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.

The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.

A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.

Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.

Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.

To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.

If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.

Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.

Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.

If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.

A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.

My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?

Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.

Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Eli_Truax
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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If you crumble Tums over an ant hill, the ants will start making bizarre shapes from the mound...

They'll be tripping on antacid!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nitrocloud
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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My cat, JOJO, fighting Dio (circa, 1886). Tis a purrfect parody. Anime: Jojoโ€™s bizarre adventures. Pun Clarification: Hamon is a fighting energy in the anime, you can see that the pun was replacing the word Salmon.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JamJamCuddlyLamb
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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My wife and I were watching Bizarre Foods when she saw the section on Beignets.

I said ... โ€œwouldnโ€™t they be called have-yeys?โ€ She said, โ€œno. Been-yeys.โ€ I said, โ€œbut if they are fresh, wouldnโ€™t they be Have-yeys, and if they were old they would be โ€œbeen-yeys?โ€

She just groaned and said my dad jokes were getting worse.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tuningislife
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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I had a bizarre dream that people's arms were falling off.

I couldn't understand it at first but then I realised my dream was about Armageddon.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dudecancode
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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So this European comedy group is working on a movie with a bizarre plot - apparently a famous rock guitarist and drummer gains control of the weather and sends it haywire.

The movie is going to be called, Monty Python and the Grohly Hail.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/whosevelt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Jojo joke

I tried getting into Jojo's Bizarre Adventure but I just couldn't stand it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/redbeardoweirdo
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2020
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An englishman, a frenchman, an african and a half-japanese man all order iced tea

It was very bizarre.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NotEye9
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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A man with a gold claim in Alaska was cursed.

At first the curse just brought him bad luck, causing vital equipment to break and provoking frequent but small injuries to him and his crew. Soon, however, the curse darkened and diggers the man had hired to help work his claim began to die in bizarre ways.

One was killed by an African scorpion that should never have made it to Alaska, let alone have survived the cold. A second drank a gallon of the mercury used to separate the gold from the ore. A third was found with a tree growing up through his body.

The man himself who owned the claim became more and more pale. His eyes became all white. His skin began to give off an overpowering smell of sulfur. He slept all day and at night he wandered the mountain above his claim, coming back each day looking more like a beast than a man.

The curse became so bad the last worker alive ran away to the nearest town to tell the authorities what was happening at the claim.

In an attempt to save the claim owner's life and lift the curse, a priest was brought in by dogsled to perform an exorcism on the man.

A sherriff from the town came with the priest as a bodyguard.

The exorcism was long, but apparently successful. Immediately the man's color returned, the sulfur smell disappeared, and he was able to sleep through the night for the first time in six months.

After the man awoke, the sherriff immediately arrested the man and brought him back to town with the priest. Standing in front of the judge, the sherriff was asked what charge the law had against the claim owner whose life had just been so dramatically turned around.

The sherriff looked at the man, then looked back at the judge and said in a slow and rumbling voice, "Possession as a miner."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Y2KoNo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/snippersmith
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
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I knew you'd say that (xpost from r/TalesFromRetail)

Posted this on r/Talesfromretail and it was suggested I post here.

I used to work in store where we would ask customers if they had an account number at the check out. The number would be put in manually before putting the shopping through and the customer would get back one penny on every pound they spent.

One day a family who I hadn't seen before came in and while the mum and kids wandered off to start shopping. The dad came over to the side of my till while I was serving customers, announced his account number and then ran off to join his family without saying anything else. OK, that was weird, I went on serving.

About 10 minutes later the family are queued for my till. When it comes to the point where I should ask for their number the dad grins at me and I realise what's going on. Fortunately, I have a bizarrely good memory for numbers and, without skipping a beat, I reel off the one he gave me when he came in the store. The kids both gasp and their eyes go wide. They look at their dad in awe.

As I'm putting through the shopping, I hear the dad say:

>See? I told you they were psychic.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/huskydaisy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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I heard there's a woman with six pairs of breasts!

That sounds bizarre dozen tit?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Orlen86
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Imagine the Russian Empire having two heads of state at the same time...

that would be real bizarre.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/octalgon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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I just farted and my wife says it stinks really bad, but I can't smell it.

It's so bizarre, it doesn't make any scents to me.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bigTbone59
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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My wife and I were at a restaurant...

"How Bizarre" by OMC was playing

Her: I swear I hear this song every time we're here.

Me: How bizarre.

Her: Just cause you're a dad now doesn't mean you can use your dad jokes on me.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nickharl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2016
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Did you hear about the murder on the catwalk?

A model was killed in bizarre fashion.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Deadwing2005
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnโ€™t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? โ€œMy Fare, Ladyโ€.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physicianโ€™s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


โ€œWhatโ€™s purple and 5000 miles long?โ€ โ€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!โ€


Every calendarโ€™s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. โ€œFour bucks,โ€ says the bartender. โ€œPut it on my bill.โ€


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heโ€™s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle canโ€™t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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My wife noted an unusual number of hawks in the sky today.

I responded "maybe they're part of a hawk-y team!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tfofurn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 05 2015
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my wife woke up in the middle of the night and told me she dreamt of dancing cows...

I told her it must have been a bizarre cowbaret...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/twinValleys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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She had snow idea what was coming!

I was complaining to my mom about how it's 75 degrees but we're expecting a ton of snow the next few days. She said "that's bizarre!" To which I replied "you mean that's blizzare-d!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GreatOdlnsRaven
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2016
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And I thought I told terrible puns...

I was out shopping with my dad looking to buy a wedding gift. While I'm waiting in line to make my purchase, a woman set down her purchase (about twenty binders) next to my gift on the conveyer belt. Naturally my dad questioned her bizarre purchase, to which she responded that she desperately need to organize her documents. Without missing a beat, he grinned and exclaimed, "Well I guess you were in quite a bind!"

The lady actually had quite a laugh, whereas I groaned and grumbled.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Hambungler
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2015
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Last night I had a dream I was a muffler

It was bizarre. I woke up exhausted.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/qweezysteezy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
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Road signs

I kept seeing signs on the highway that read, "WATCH FOR ROCKS AND WILDLIFE," and kept thinking to myself, "that's a bizarre trade."

Surely I'd have some eye rolls if I wasn't driving alone.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/7tacoguys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 02 2015
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Typo'd dad joke.

Friend and I were having a rather bizarre discussion online when it jokingly turned into this:

Friend: "Anyone who denies (insert comic character) is a heretic. He's a minor deity."

Me: "Oookay, I'm going to stop you there."

Friend: "Probably a god thing."

(I'm not sure this constitutes a dad joke, but the unintentional pun immediately made me think of you guys. Sorry for any offense!)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Trippid
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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Driving around looking to park somewhere...

Im reading some license plates when i see one from Idaho (thats bizarre for Connecticut) and so i say "Idaho? that's-" before i could say anything else my dad shouts out "AHA! I KNEW IT!!!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bomdigity
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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