On a video of a lion bitting the tire on the back of a jeep
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︎ Jan 14 2019
A set of six boobs seems like a bit much,
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︎ Dec 08 2020
A bit later than usual, but here's Dadvent day 9!
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︎ Dec 09 2020
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︎ Nov 27 2020
A girl came up to me and said she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant. I was a bit confused.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I know, I know... This pun was a bit nutty
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Imade a similar one a few days ago bit i fpund more squirrels
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.
I'll call it Little Seizures.
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︎ Sep 20 2020
Many Folks Donβt Know that Santa Often has to Clean the Small Bits of Poo from his Reindeer Butts.
They call them Jingle Berries.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I was going to tell an Amish joke, but it's a bit insensitive
But then I remembered they'll never read it here anyways.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What do you call a guy who comes across a bit rude and abrupt?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Punny & a bit wholesome.
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Itβs a bit calculated to understand this pun
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Looking to learn a bit more about the foods we traditionally eat on Thanksgiving...
Can anyone recommend a good bog about cranberries?
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.
She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
... so I bought a seal iron
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Dress code
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︎ Oct 31 2020
My infant son is a bit constipated. My wife was like "I want to weigh him today" and I said that's not a good idea. She asked why...
Because he is full of shit.
She responded "you shouldn't say that"
I responded "what he just lies all day."
Real convo
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︎ Nov 03 2020
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it!
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︎ Nov 01 2020
Dig a hole in me tonight
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I am not proud of this... okay maybe a little bit
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Which kidney to take?
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︎ Oct 05 2020
My wife wonβt let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep.
She is infringing on my right to bear arms.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
βBack in the day...β my dad started to say. βYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...β he lamented...
βWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
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︎ Aug 11 2020
A bit nervous, but yesterday I volunteered for the COVID-19 vaccine trials.
The vaccine is one that was created in Russia. I received my first shot this morning at 7:00 am, and I wanted to let you all know that itβs completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and that I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
I saw yet another fence joke but this one seemed a bit out of line
So I offered to repost it
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Weβve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Donβt expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.
Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
Man, 2020 is rough. But I have a little bit of hope for you.
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︎ Jul 13 2020
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion.
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︎ Nov 23 2020
You would think that a Snail without a shell would move that bit faster ?
But it's actually more sluggish.
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Crypto-currency has become so popular in Iceland that bit-mining has now overtaken the countryβs music industry in total bandwidth usage.
This comes as little surprise however, as Icelandβs BjΓΆrk has always been worse than their byte.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...
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︎ Sep 06 2020
My doctor bit my neck and tried to give me a hickey.
1 star review for Dr. Acula
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︎ Aug 24 2020
Heres a bit of advice for you all
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︎ Apr 14 2020
Iβm making a movie called constipation
I canβt wait till it comes out
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Doing a bit of money laundering.
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︎ Jun 07 2020
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way....
I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]
Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"
Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."
Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"
Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."
Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"
Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Australiaβs recovery from Covid-19 is a bit like a Spice Girls reunion
Victoria ruins it for everyone
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︎ Jul 30 2020
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says
βFive beers, please.β
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︎ Oct 03 2020
A bit startled, I asked, "Officer, why are you crying while writing me my ticket?β He sighed...
"Itβs a moving violation!"
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︎ Aug 04 2020
I was bitten by a deer.
Now every full moon I turn into a weredoe.
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︎ Oct 30 2020
How does a giraffe find a job?
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︎ Dec 03 2020
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