They didn’t believe me when I told them I got my intricate tattoo in Barcelona!
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!
I’ve just been to put air in my tyres, couldn’t believe the price, it cost me a full one pound, I remember the days when it was only 20 pence.
That’s inflation for you I guess.
My dyslexia made me believe I signed up for hockey, with some Pocky served afterward.
But it was actually hokey pokey, so I turned myself around, because that's what it was all about.
I didn’t believe Nordic walking would help me strengthen and straighten my back.
So you want to listen to my “Believe” album with me?
To those of you who expect me to believe all women
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve Amber Heard
Edit: Looks like I’m getting downvoted. I really shit the bed on that one
My wife just told me the singer from the Monkees died. I didn't believe her.
I once had a dog whose tail could almost touch the ceiling. Don't believe me?
Sorry, I'll stop telling tall tails.
I’m upset my boss doesn’t believe me that I sent him the email again after he asked me to;
I didn't believe my soap when it told me my husband brought a stange lady into the shower.
That's because it was lye soap.
People don't believe me when I tell them Trump is the Prime Minister of Canada
Everybody told me that if my wife got weight loss surgery that she would leave me, but I didn’t believe them.
But now every day I see less and less of her.
I used to just believe whatever conservatives told me to think.
It seemed like the right idea at the time.
My sister didnt believe me when I said I could drive spaghetti
I travelled to middle east for only $10. My friends didn't believe me
I told them everything israel.
I’ve been training my dog to alert me when he smells people who follow a creepy pseudo-religious leader who makes them believe that their salvation lies in giving him money.
You might not believe me when I tell you the Canadian Prime Minister's name...
I told my wife I had built a car out of spaghetti but she didn’t believe me…
My wife said she’d leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didn’t believe her
Ancestry.com tried to fool me into believing that I'm Swedish, but I refuse to believe it...
...I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.
they said he’d be taller than me and i didn’t believe them
but when i saw him, i understood
Can you believe my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo?
I couldn't believe the disrespect. I had to put my foot down.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
A woman once told me she didn’t believe in love at first sight
So I told her, “So, do you want me to leave and come back?”
I know you won't believe me, but its two
Today I insisted that my son had a hole in his shoe. He didn't believe me and kept looking and looking, took it off and inspect it. He yelled "There is no hole in there at all!"
So I yelled back "Then how did your foot get in there!"
People don't believe me when I tell them I died a while ago
There’s one word in the English language you will never find in a dictionary. Don’t believe me? Check it out yourself. It’s...
Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me
But then I found some concrete evidence
cant believe they fired me from the clock factory... with all those extra hours I put in...
I can’t believe my wife named our son Left without consulting me
My sister didn't believe me when I told her I don't know who the Prime Minister of Canada is
After eating da ship, da sea monster said, Me can’t believe Me ate da hull fing.
My friend didn't believe me that Slash was in AC/DC
C'mon he is right there in the middle !
Someone told me "you believe in god? No way!"
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
I can't believe my wife left me for a midget.
How could she stoop so low.
I can't believe my dad got me with this one today.
Me and my dad drive past a graveyard
Dad: You know why I can't be buried there?
Me: Why?
Dad: Cause I'm alive!
My cousin got into a car accident and lost his entire left side, he kept saying he was all right but I didnt believe him so he just kept yelling at me.
'Stuff was completely one-sided
I couldn't believe my good fortune when he asked me this.
Him: "Hey, is there a special setting on the toaster for waffles?
Me: "Not really, use the 'Frozen' setting and just let it go."
Dad: I can’t believe you got me a house for my birthday!
Son: I hope you enjoy it. What are your plans?
Dad: I’m just going to..... live in the present.
Would you believe this shirt only costed me a buck?
I can't believe my wife wanted me to get rid of my silt collection!
It's like she doesn't understand the sedimental value!
Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe the latest volcano eruption...
I accidentally swallowed some string this morning... Don't believe me?
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn't believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain...
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision...
Canada has a queen and a prime minister. Don't believe me?
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