Initially I didnβt believe that my chiropractor was any good.
But now I stand corrected.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
My wife said sheβd leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didnβt believe her
π︎ 438
π
︎ May 19 2021
My wife got mad at me because I wouldnβt stop singing βIβm a Believerβ by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to βDonβt Stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
π︎ 599
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
Canβt believe I got sacked from my job at the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jun 01 2021
I canβt believe itβs not butter!
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
I'd like to ask all of those who believe in psychokinesis...
to please raise my hands.
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 27 2021
I can't believe I just dated a german nationalist! But I guess it's obvious, looking back on it
I mean, there were red flags all over the place
π︎ 68
π
︎ May 09 2021
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
I believe that orchestral music is inappropriate for kids.
Thereβs too much sax and violins.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
You don't believe the Canadian president has a French name?
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 06 2021
I can't believe this is legal
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 07 2021
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I donβt believe him.
But thatβs his story, and heβs sticking to it.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
I once complimented a curvy woman who doesn't believe Earth is round.
she replied that it was very flattering.
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 11 2021
My grandad always said 'Dont believe everything you hear.'
It was great advice.
Or was it?
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 17 2021
People don't believe me when I tell them I died a while ago
π︎ 19
π
︎ May 26 2021
I used to believe in reincarnationβ¦
β¦but the inheritance tax was astronomical.
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 09 2021
I rode my bike again for the first time since my teens. I canβt believe that I can still ride it so well.
Itβs just like riding a bike.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 02 2021
You know what I canβt believe?
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 12 2021
People donβt believe that grass is wet in the morning.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 26 2021
Itβs hard to believe that it has been more than 100 years since Einstein published his Theory of Relativity.
It seems like only yesterday.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 22 2021
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
π︎ 22k
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
People who believe non-binary is not a gender
think that there are only 10 types of genders
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 19 2021
If you have trouble believing someone is telling the truth or not; ask them if they like big butts
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 02 2021
I canβt believe someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick!
Like, seriously. How low can you go?
π︎ 116
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
I can't believe how rapidly I went from having a complete and impressive mullet to being bald!
Hair today, gone tomorrow.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 21 2021
I canβt believe Iβm being evicted for telling a joke about a llama
I guess alpaca my bags and leave
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
Two sesame seeds have escaped prison and are believed to be hiding out on top of some bread.
Police have described the fugitives as being 'on the bun'.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 21 2021
I canβt believe how cheesy this sub is.
https://imgur.com/gallery/bWpJujh
π︎ 34
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
π︎ 163
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
Believing only 12.5% of the Bible
Makes you an eighth theist.
π︎ 119
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
I canβt believe some lowlife broke into my garage. They took my prized possession: my Limbo bar.
I mean how low can you go?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
My wife couldnβt believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
Some people don't believe in evolution.
They're primate change deniers.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
Does this pun believe here ?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
Canβt believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
π︎ 59
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
What do you call someone who likes Easter but doesnβt believe in the Easter Bunny?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
I canβt believe itβs not...
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
Ms Wilson, Australian star of the Pitch Perfect movies has announced she no longer believes in Santa.
She is a Rebel without a Claus.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
I jokingly told my X-ray technician that I didn't believe in X-rays...
but she saw right through me.
π︎ 48
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
Can you believe people actually eat mountain oysters?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Those who believe in the calendar are going to die soon,
...their days are numbered.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
My wife told me to stop singing βIβm a believerβ because itβs annoying. At first I thought she was kidding...
π︎ 22
π
︎ May 01 2021
I refuse to believe that my road work father was stealing from his job.
But when i got home all the signs were there.
π︎ 101
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop
but when I got home, all the signs were there.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing βDonβt stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
i cant believe i got fired from the calendar factory, all i did was take a day off.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
I can't believe someone stole my limbo stick.
Like seriously, how low can you go ?
π︎ 119
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
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