Bear Attack Puns

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

I was at the shopping maul.

After taking a bullet to the knee, his friend wasn't as lucky.

It was a Kodiak arrest.

it was grizzly.

So I was telling my wife about the guy in Russia that was saved by his cell phone's Bieber ring tone, and ended it with: "It makes sense that it ran off. It was a Brown Bear, not a Beliebear."

Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

It was unbearable to watch

He's all right now.

Three men go camping in the wilderness; a German, an Italian and a Czechoslovakian. While asleep, their campsite is attacked by a couple of bears and all 3 men are presumed killed. Forest Rangers get deployed to find the missing campers. After inspecting the campsite, the Rangers discover the bear tracks and follow them to the den. Inside are the 2 bears, a male and a female, which the Rangers quickly kill. First, they opened the stomach of the female and inside were the remains of the German and Italian men.

"Looks like our work here is done," the lead Ranger says to his partner.

"But we only found 2 bodies!" The partner cries back.

The Ranger removes his sunglasses and looks vacantly into the distance before finally telling his partner:

"Clearly the Czech is in the male."

His condition is said to be improving, but he's not out of the woods yet.

So the other day, me and a foreign dude I know went hunting in the woods (you know, since it’s such an classically American thing (I know)). Anyways, so while we’re there, we get attacked by a four armed bear. Luckily, we were able to kill it before it killed us. Then I realized how rare this was, so we decided to take a couple of arms each as a trophy. So I let him, the foreigner, have the left pair, while I, as an American, got the right two bear arms.

Dad: Don't leave food in your car.

Me: I checked. No food. Not even a picnic basket. I wonder if insurance would cover bear attacks?

Dad: I checked, you have bear minimum insurance lol

Now it can ride a bike without stabilisers.