I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter

I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itmightbedave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.

It's a Whisky business

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Congress proposed a law banning tank tops?

It didn't pass because it violated the right to bare arms.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polarbearparanoia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Donald Trump is reportedly banning the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Throwawayn019283
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Public opinion was favorable for local farmer banning outsiders access to hills filled with mushroom on his land.

He had the morel high ground.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iuntti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I kept bothering blizzard for banning hk supporter

He told me β€œwhat do you want with Mei

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexandrezico10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Movie theatre are banning large bags to stop people from being in their own food...

Good thing I have a few Twix up my sleeve!

πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't think banning grapes is right.....

But I can see the raisin behind it.

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2016
🚨︎ report
The news about Android banning Huawei is sad. But I know Huawei can fix this.

If there’s a will, there’s Huawei.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The mayor of Saint Paul passed a law banning large soft drinks.

Now if you want one you have to get a Minnesota

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hopelessnerd-exe
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard the US is banning round bales of hay.

The cows aren’t getting 3 square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cMASHM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Spain surprised the world by taking a stand by banning pens and enforcing the use of quills for handwriting.

No one expected the Spanish Ink Position.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Trump is banning Kraft Parmesan Cheese in the green can?

#######MakeAmericaGrateAgain

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ActualButt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2017
🚨︎ report
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher

is what they were bangin

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepersFTW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I was recently banned from the Antiques Roadshow.

...I tried to have my family jewels appraised.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imnotwitty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh

All they accept is a low ha

πŸ‘︎ 210
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/solanimus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Twitter might ban you if you post a COVID joke.

But there is a 95% chance you won’t get it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeiscool81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My Honda Civic was banned from the drive-in movies

They say it contains a huge spoiler.

I made that up on the spot and told it to my kid. He told me it's not funny and it's a horrible joke. 😟

πŸ‘︎ 288
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
NASCAR bans the confederate flag?

Finally a turn in the right direction.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattzlo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Hawaii has banned loud laughter?

Yeah, especially when using the same recycled joke 50 million times.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nyrfankt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I got banned for posting my sandwich on reddit

It was a sub-reddit

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I got banned from /r/DadJokes for submitting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

πŸ‘︎ 685
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.

also in the news:

Patients who have died or been admitted to intensive care with Covid-19 have been found to be deficient in a vitamin found in spinach, eggs, and hard and blue cheeses, raising hopes that dietary change might be one part of the answer to combating the disease.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
People who believe that ketamine should be banned

should get down off of their high horse!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YoshSchmenge
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Bananas
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I actually don’t understand why Donald Trump wants to ban TikTok

What’s Kesha done to deserve this?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Danny DeVito has a cousin from the old west?

Danny BanDito.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bloatedplutocrat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My cousin tries to keep posting jokes on this sub, but gets repeatedly banned by the mods.

He’s my cousin, twice [removed].

πŸ‘︎ 548
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Ban Anna's Movie
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I got banned from the buy sell trade group for this but it was worth it. imgur.com/jrZ6LX8
πŸ‘︎ 408
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Groups of more than six will be banned under new Corona rules. So we all know what this means...

Sneezy is getting kicked out the seven dwarfs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My local council has managed to legislate a ban on all headgear

Hats off to them for getting that passed

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolface2k
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad has a heart of a lion!

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoop76
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Can't wait for this travel ban to lift. Prague would be my number one choice..

.. Dying to Czech it out

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Those who were firm in their beliefs when China banned marijuana...the people who kept growing and selling.

They are known as the pot stickers.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Leboy2Point0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My local karaoke bar has just banned all Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Bing Crosby songs …

to prevent the spread of the crooner virus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Tho my son was going to start a petition to ban them, he slept on his specially built bed...

It was a boycot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother tried to ban temperature-based puns...

but I still think they're cool.

They're a hot topic in our house.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Superstars111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the cow banned from ballet class?

It kept practicing its Dairy Air.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a rhinoceros and and an elephant?

El-if-i-know

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.

They call themselves Ban Jovi.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Manly-Stanley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are there no Wal-Marts in Iraq?

Because everything is a Target.

I’ll take my ban now.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did they ban the letters A-Y?

The were not Zs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.

Everyone was dismayed.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xnphls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is really mad at me for throwing a snowball at my son.

On top of it, I’m banned permanently from the maternity ward.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:

'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnexampledSalt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This just in, Donald Trump is banning all pre-shredded cheese in America

I guess he’s keeping to his promise of β€œMake America Grate Again!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bcmwolverine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Ban pre-shredded cheese!

Make America Grate Again!

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yipyopyupyap
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather had the heart of a lion

And a permanent ban from the nearby zoo

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jayraj77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.