Because they're rotten people.
Best $500 I ever spent!
...eventually with no friends, he was ostrich-sized.
They get a flew shot. 🐦
And a couple of other Japanese words too!
Natural selection is why flamingstays are extinct
He doesn’t have the balls.
“Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me”
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩
The evidence was Fozzy
They plead the Sith
When I can, I take steps to avoid them.
Yelling as I left, "I'll associate with WHOMEVER I want REGARDLESS of their politics, gender IDENTIFICATION, and/or ROBUSTNESS!"
She sent her lawyer to Sudan.
Because at the end of the day it's not worth it
It's a bit fishy.
He would stop at nothing to avoid them.
So I take steps to avoid them
The living room!
Don't let it get to you.
Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...
It becomes tearable
You take advantage of dodgy programming...
It's a Procrastinator.
They're full of cycle paths.
My wife and I took an evening trip, wanting a little extra time together I turned the “Avoid Highways” option on, on the GPS.
We get routed into a BAD neighborhood. Boarded up windows, people on edge because of us strangers there, dogs barking and what sounds like gunshots.
My wife is on edge as I turn down a street called “Smothers Road”.
As we go down it, I look over and ask her, “Do you know why this is such a dangerous road?”
She replies “No.”
I say “It’s because when you get robbed on this road it’s not just one person doing it. It’s one person and Smothers”.
People will be lined up for blocks.
Together we can stop the spread.
...it's time to quit cold turkey.
Who wants some?
Because he is Claus-trophobic!
Don't buy any kind of fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Dodge Ram
STEAK-houses.
More to come, please share yours as well.
- Have a Nest or other Wi-Fi thermostat? Use the "lock" setting so a pin number is needed to change the temperature. Better yet, Nest has a setting where it only allows for a temperature range if you try to adjust when it's locked. 58-62 in the winter and 80-84 in the summer results in no more touching of the thermostat.
- Order your stuff alongside kids stuff strategically to avoid explaining why you need a new [insert your hobby/gadgets here]. "Honey, what's in the Amazon box?" "Oh, nice, it's the kids new Play-Doh set." [show Play-Doh box, hide new headphones]. Be careful with this one, if you try to order a baseball glove alongside a PS5, the box size may be conspicuous. To reduce the risk when ordering large items, order something for your wife too. "Honey, what's in the Amazon box?" "Oh, nice, it's the kids new Play-Doh set. And... I got you something." [show Play-Doh box, show some perfume/lotion set or stemless wine glasses, hide new 7.2 home audio system]
- Recommend the pizza place or other take out that doesn't deliver. Convince everyone it's the best pizza/food in town. Because how often do you have 30 minutes to yourself? And always leave early when picking up food.
Rodney.
The magnetic field he avoids:
Rodney Dangerfield.
But, I'm taking steps to avoid them.
Because the lion in the jungle is always a wimb away.
Too many cowlories.
"Saved For Later"
It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
So I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them
He would stop at nothing to avoid them
I am going to start taking steps to avoid them
