Atticism Puns

Sails are through the roof!

...sails are going through the roof.

Lunatic

Systemattically

Attictude

Fanatic

Sails should go through the roof

Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair!

He has lofty ambitions.

It’s a little drum attic.

The buyers loved that it was fully fernished with a vaulted ceiling

I discovered the floor plans!

I politely told him he had the wrong number and that I hoped he found the right number.

A few hours later the doorbell rang so, I went and answered, and it was an elderly fellow. I asked how I might help him, and he replied that he was sure his son lived at this address. I assured him that it was only my wife and I, asled if he was the respectable chap whom had called me earlier. He said yes,, and insisted this was his son's home. Well, what are you gonna do? So, I told him to come on in and see for himself.

We walked around the house, main floor, basement, second floor, and he wanted wanted go into the attic. I didn't think he would make it up the steep stairs of the pull down hatch. So, I went up amd told him there was nothing.

Disappointed, the elderly fellow walked to the door, and said, "well, looks like yer gonna have to throw me out, because I don't want to leave".

Well that's not gonna fly, my wife would not be happy to return home from work and see a strange old man refusing refusing leave.

I said yes, I am throwing you out sir. So, I opened the door, amd ushered him out. He shuffled down the walk, to the curb and around the corner.

30 minutes later, the doorbell rang again, so, I answered it. And believe it or not, it was the elderly man again. He said he wanted to apologize, did so, then left.

As he was walking away I put the pieces together of what had happened. This elderly fellow, having rung my doorbell, having me throwhim out, and his final return, I realized, a boomer rang me, I threw him out, and he came back.

Thought of this one a while ago and had forgotten it.Yer welcome. :)

It was worth more in mint condition.

Sails are through the roof!

He wanted a light house

I guess you can say it's problem-attic

I wish this was funny, my roof is fucked

(I did make that joke up tho)

Now sails are going through the roof

Source: New York Times Crossword Puzzle, Tuesday Sept 24, 2019, 6 Down

He has lofty ambitions.

“Just clean it as-best-os you can.”

Source: my dad

Dad: baseball or softball?

Real life encounter with my dad. The legends are true. Dad jokes prevail.

...and as he looks across the road he sees a man with a giant orange head. The man with the giant orange head looks over and smiles, crossing the road to speak to the other man.

"I'm so sorry, "says the first man, "I didn't mean to stare at you!" "It's absolutely fine," says the man with the giant orange head, "Happens all the time. I bet you're wondering how I got this giant orange head." "Well, yes!" replied the first man. "Well...my grandmother died recently. She had been unwell for a long time and basically raised me as my parents had died when I was very young. She raised me alone as my grandfather had died before I was born. We didn't have very much but we were happy. I loved her very much. After her funeral, it was time to clear the house as it was rented and I wanted to move on anyway. I was up in the attic going through her papers and I saw this dusty old lamp. I lifted it, gave it a little rub and there was a huge flash. When I opened my eyes there was a strange looking man. It felt like he looked into my soul. 'I am the genie of the lamp' he said, 'and I grant you three wishes' I didn't believe him at first but deep within me I knew it was true. He asked me what my first wish was and clichéd as it was, I said World Peace."

"Hahaha...how did that work out?" asked the first man.

"Well, " replied the man with the giant orange head, "have you heard of any wars or riots happening in the last few days?"

"Come to think of it, " said the first man, "You're right. The news has been pretty positive! Wow! That's amazing. So what did you choose for your second wish?"

"I gave it a few minutes thought this time " smiled the man with the giant orange head, "and remembering how poor we were, I wished for an unending supply of money."

"Did it work??" asked the first man.

"It did!" replied the man with the giant orange head, "here's £10,000 from my pocket. Enjoy it, I've got as much as I want."

"Wow, thank you so much!" said the first man, "that's incredibly generous of you, I don't know what to say! Oh wait! What did you ask for for your third wish?"

"I wished for a giant orange head."

Sails are going through the roof!

Sails are through the roof.

Edit: Dammit...misspelled quit

To keep rays in the roof

I told her decepticons. She laughed. I laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster.

I think I'm an attic

The sales are going through the roof!

Sails are through the roof.

Sails are through the roof.

Sails are going through the roof.

Sails are through the roof.

Sails are already through the roof.

Sales are through the roof

Sails are through the roof.

Sails are going through the roof!

Sails are going through the roof!

Sails are through the roof!

Now sails are going through the roof.

Sails are going through the roof.

The sails are going through the roof

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.