Did you hear about the aspiring cop who failed for years to graduate from police academy?
When he was finally told he passed, he got so excited he went into cardiac arrest.
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︎ Dec 13 2022
Why did the EMTs travel in sets of two?
They wanted to be a pair-a-medics.
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︎ Jan 28 2023
How do aspiring surgeons begin their careers?
By going to a lot of open Mike nights
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︎ Jul 17 2022
Hilarious
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︎ Sep 05 2022
Did you hear about the 5' 4" CEO?
He was a small business owner.
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︎ Nov 02 2022
My 6 yr old is an aspiring rockstar. I found the perfect gift for him.
A broken drum. Canβt beat it!
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︎ Dec 16 2021
For the aspiring chef
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︎ Aug 13 2021
Why did the aspiring programmer buy a pair of glasses?
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Christmas cracker crackers!
Hello, I would like to enlist the dads (or aspiring dads) of this sub. I have been tasked with getting jokes for Christmas crackers but I would like them to be themed. I need 3 jokes for each theam. The theams are as follows :
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Some simple animal ones
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Some computer jokes
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Mum worthy jokes
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Crochet /knitting ones
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Really dirty and insulting ones
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Fishing ones
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Cheese and cows
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General jokes (this person is easy going)
They can all be dirty except number 1 (they are a child) but number 5 must really insult and be dirty. They can not be too long but must be groan worthy but still funny.
Thank you for all your help.
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︎ Nov 27 2022
Did y'all hear about the cows stuck on the top of the empire state building?
The cops said the mission to get them down was high steaks.
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︎ Oct 05 2022
The aspiring artist would mash-up other artists' work, and call it his own...
They said he was juxta-poser.
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︎ Oct 19 2021
I have a pet frog who's an aspiring comedian. I asked where he gets his best jokes from...
All he would say on the matter was "Reddit"
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︎ May 30 2021
What was the shy pebbles' greatest aspiration?
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︎ Feb 21 2021
My friend, who's an aspiring comedian, asked me if I thought his jokes were too plain...
I answered: "Quite the opposite. I think they're hill areas."
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Did you hear about the summer camp for aspiring models? Theyβre hiring counselors for next year, but itβs not for everyone.
The camp goers are pretty intense.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Whatβs the Highest Level of Competition That a Semi Professional Sauerkraut Pickler Aspires To?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 11 2020
My cousin is an aspiring plumber. He asked me how to be successful.
"Hard work and defecation."
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︎ Jun 20 2020
As an aspiring writer, I always make sure to proofread carefully
Otherwise, I might accidentally some words out
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︎ Jun 04 2020
An aspiring thief enters the theatre...
...and steals the spotlight.
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︎ Nov 08 2017
I asked a blacksmith...
whether he prefers older knives than the newer ones
He said "no, I like the new knives because they have cutting-edge technology."
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︎ Jun 17 2022
An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmerβs market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.
The seller said, βOh, that last one is a freebee!β
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︎ Oct 17 2019
Not a dad joke, but Iβm very proud of my son.
My five year old just came running upstairs, and he said βDad, Iβm hungry!β
My eyes immediately lit up, but with a quickness I could only be proud of, he added: βmy name isnβt hungry, I would just like something to eat.β
He is catching on.
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︎ Sep 06 2021
What do you call a sick eagle?
Illegal
Credit: a senior dad I aspire to
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︎ Aug 25 2022
My son the aspiring dad
My boyfriend wanted a protein shake and was asked me to make one. I was stalling a little bit and my son piped in "You gotta scare her first" we said what? "That's how you make a shake". I was laughing and so my son decided to keep going. He said "How do you make a napkin dance?" "You put a lil boogie in it" at that point I groaned. My boyfriend said "Quit while you are ahead" my son replied "But I'm a body"
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︎ Jul 18 2015
An aspiring thief entered a play
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︎ Mar 14 2020
What do you call a pig with high aspirations in life?
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︎ Oct 27 2018
Warren Buffet (self-made billionaire) holds an annual conference for aspiring entrepreneurs.
When they go to lunch during the conference, they eat from the βBuffett Buffet.β
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︎ Feb 06 2019
I had aspirations of being a doctor when I grew up. My dad said he would never let me operate on him.
Fine, I said, suture self.
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︎ Mar 18 2019
When it comes to metaphors about knowledge, no ledge is too high to aspire to
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 15 2019
My dentist is very supportive of my aspirations of becoming a dancer.
He recommends I floss every day.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 28 2018
Whatβs the best college for aspiring botanists?
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 26 2019
James May everyone., Someone we must all aspire to be. (X-post /r/videos)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL-m5Nocb-g
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︎ Aug 12 2014
What do you call a PR stand at a fair being operated by classy and respectful aspiring dentists?
A couth youth tooth booth.
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 06 2017
My Favorite Aspirational Quote Is...
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 23 2018
In Rogue One, When Vader tells Krennic "Don't choke on your aspirations"
It's actually a double pun and enters the realm of dad quality
π︎ 23
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︎ Jul 25 2017
What do you call a chicken that aspires to become food?
A consommΓ© professional.
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 16 2015
I'm an aspiring ice dancer but I'm struggling with my new routine.
I just can't figure eight out!
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 28 2013
Iβm glad my dad taught me how to write.
I love speling, the Oxford comma and never writing run-on sentences like my father did before he went to college and learned proper grammar and writing and ate a lot of good food, meeting all sorts of people who had similar aspirations to have perfect grammar like me and my dad do.
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︎ May 14 2022
My grandpa's aspirations
I asked my grandpa what he wanted to be when he was younger. He told me he wanted to be an astronaut. He told me that he went to school and took up space.
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︎ Nov 26 2013
Boyfriend is already aspiring to be a dad.
Me: I'm going to go file my nails.
Him: Oh okay, what are you going to file them under?
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︎ Feb 05 2014
Every civil engineer wants to build a tall, thin tower.
Because, like most humans, they aspire.
π︎ 13
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︎ Aug 10 2021
My daughter got me a βCanada β sweater for Christmas... I asked why since we live in the USA?
βItβs aspirational β she said.
Ooooof...
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︎ Dec 26 2020
My toddler keeps sticking that baby booger sucker in her nose...
She's got great aspirations.
No, really...
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 21 2021
I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!
Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)
As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact Iβve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
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︎ Oct 29 2020
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went out for drinks. Really nice guy. Has aspirations of web design.
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︎ Jan 10 2019
An aspiring thief enters the theatre...
and steals the spotlight.
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︎ Aug 28 2018
Aspiring thief enters theatre..
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︎ May 25 2018
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