If you ask me, it's about time!
People who can’t think straight
... there's too much sax and violins.
He said “Sorry, I have naan.”
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It's been weeks on some of my jokes, i have tried to repost ... and funny enough, this one does not get stopped
Mega-sore-ass
(a chuckler from my childhood, not sure if it's appropriate anymore!)
It's to Scandinavian.
We're closing on full tank of gasoline this weekend.
They cannoli help
Because he believed in orange marriages.
Pa-tent pending
The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".
You could say it’s the home stretch
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Gnatchos.
I dont know if this counts as a dad joke, but it was one of his first jokes hes ever made where I chuckled and I had never heard it before!
Why can’t they dance on the floor like everyone else?
Taters gonna tate.
My wife and I were out walking the other day and we were trying to get home pretty quickly to beat the rain.
We were passing through the park and passed a man walking 2 dogs when I said the rain is getting close. My wife then said "yeah I've been seeing a couple of spits" to which I replied:
"Uhh, I think they were a different breed, but I could be wrong"
I heard the most disappointed groan from her, which is music to my ears!
Barium
Her/she
I got an eye roll from the wife on this one. I guess that's the dad joke seal of approval.
They get really upset
A non-prophet organization.
Let's go ride bikes!
(This was approved by a fellow kid with ADD, AKA me)
Anteloped.
Hummuside
But decided not to get involved in a mail dominated organization.
Baggers can’t be Chewsers
He still lies.
(Submitted for y’all’s approval from an 8 year old)
And exchanged it for a new one free of charge
EI EI 0
Prime mates
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?
Daughter groaned, employee laughed and other dad's nodded approvingly.
F.D. Arrrrrrrr!!!
Because they know how to appreciate a good tangent
The moth drops down into the nearest chair and says “What’s the problem?”
Moth says “I don’t even know where to start. First of all, my boss is a vicious tyrant who gets off on the petty torments he puts me through day in and day out, and I’m too spineless to stand up to him, so I just take it and I’ve gradually come to hate myself for it. Also, every morning I wake up to the same prune-face old crone to whom I pledged my vows so many years ago. I used to love her, but that love has become like some sun-festering beached whale trying to die. We lost our daughter last year to one of the bitterest, coldest winters we’ve ever had to face in this region. Isn’t it funny, doc, how all the prayer circles and charity drives in the world amount to pretty much nothing in the face of that cold, impartial face of winter, that bleak, pounding, harsh fist of a callous environment, carrying on with its machinations without regard to our lives, loves, hopes and dreams? Isn’t that hysterical, Doc? Oh and then there’s my son. Doc, I don’t love him anymore. I don’t know what it is but I look in his eyes and I see that same harried look of gutless cowardice that I see when I stare at my own face in the mirror. If I wasn’t such a coward, Doc, I know I’d be able to scrape together enough pride to grab that cocked and loaded shotgun I keep by the bedside table, and just run amok and put an end to this grim facade once and for all. I start with the wife, then the boy of course before putting the barrell in my own mouth. Believe you me, Doc, I’d be doing the world a favor. I have nothing to look forward to but a continuation of this spiraling black hole that is my life, this existential cesspool that is the perpetuation of my lingering skid-mark on society. I despise people yet I crave their approval. I’m judgemental yet I care about nothing. I’m bitter, hateful and afraid. I’m alive yet I feel like the walking dead. This is it, Doc: I am a living, breathing, disease.”
The doctor stares at him for a while then finally says “Jeez, Moth, you definitely have some problems. But I’m a podiatrist. You need a psychiatrist. Why’d you come in here?”
The moth says,”Your light was on.”
Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Not sure if someone has come up with before, but it just occurred to me, and I told my kids. They eye rolled me, which is dad joke stamp of approval
