While playing Mortal Kombat in Sweden, what does the announcer say at the end of a fight?
What do you call a potato announcer
What does the announcer for the Miners Soccer League say when someone scores?
Why didn't the potato let his daughter marry the sports announcer?
I was told that I would never be a good sports announcer because I’m from Idaho.
They told me it’s because I’m just a common-tater.
(Told by my father-in-law)
A fish wanted to be a Radio Announcer
But when he finally went on air, he died.
What did the boxing announcer say to the textbook?
And in the left corner, paper weight champion of the world....
What did the announcer say to the Britain's Got Talent contestant?
LA Dodger Ryu Hyun Jin is getting married to announcer Bae Ji Hyun!
No word yet on where the couple will be spending their hyunymoon.
Announcers: "And a foul was called on the drive."
Dad: "It wasn't a foul on the drive, it was a foul on the player. Idiots."
Why is it helpful for radio announcers to have small hands?
Wee paws for station identification.
While watching football, the announcer mentioned the team averaged 6-1/2 sacks a game. My wife says "How do you get half a sack?"...
... I told her "Ask Lance Armstrong."
While watching (American) football this past Sunday the announcer says, "...the ground can't cause a fumble." This prompts my dad to look at me and say
You'd think the ground would know that by now.
Over 100 years ago 2 brothers announced that they could fly.
Turns out, they were Wright.
Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...
Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
I would like to announce that I am no longer a masterbater.
Johnson and Johnson have announced their new vaccine
it heard its going to be called No More Tiers
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced “‘twas the knife before Christmas!”
The College Board announced today that it will be dropping the essay section from the SAT.
It’ll now just be called the T.
So, they have just announced the tenth Fast and Furious movie...
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
Apple announced a new product for wives that helps cope with spontaneous dad jokes throughout their day.
The iRoll
Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I told my wife we've struck gold and she immediately upgraded to the newest iRoll v2 software!!!
Why couldn't the bell pepper practice archery?
Because he didn't habenero!
Santa Claus announced that he’s giving everyone the same gardening tool for Christmas.
Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...
It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...
The Rock announced that he, his wife, and their 2 daughters have recovered from Covid.
They first suspected they had it when no one could smell what he was cooking.
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.
They’re going to call it the iAye
CDC just announced that due to COVID people over 5’5 shouldn’t be getting together for the holidays.
I guess only small gatherings are allowed.
My friend announced that he parkoured his way to the top of a pub, but nobody cared.
After all, it was a low bar to climb.
A Spanish-speaking magician announced that would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos...." POOF!
He disappeared without a tres.
The Catholic Church announced it is creating an MMO
Massively Multiprayer Online
The World Health Organization announced dogs cannot contract COVID-19 and indicated they should no longer be quarantined.
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"
"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.
The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Just figured I’d announce that I’ll be doing a theatrical performance on puns later this week.
Did you hear disney is announcing a new princess?
Mozzarella, she's italian
As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...
"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"
Announcement In Bar
A guy walks into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a .9mm Smith and Western with an eight shot magazine and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife."
A deep voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"
I got annoyed because the russet potatoes were announcing everything I did.
Then I realized they’re just common taters.
My dadjoke for the day
My wife (japanese) was preparing her breakfast which for her usually includes numerous small dishes and rice. Well she announced to me.
"I'm not eating rice today."
I immediately replied "Honey, you cant say that."
"That's Rice-ist"
Cue eyeroll
FBI has just announced about a mole on their organization. They are consulting Harry Potter about the situation
since he is good at catching snitches
Fidelity just announced a retirement plan for Rock ‘n Rollers
It’s called the David Lee Roth.
There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.
Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.
Stores are reopening after lockdown, and the Lego store has announced its reopening.
However, I recommend avoiding it, people will be lined up for blocks.
The W.H.O just announced COVID-19 is now a pandemic.
Friend: Who?
Me: The who
Friend: Who?
Me: SIGH
Churches had to disband when it was announced there would be no more mass gatherings.
They followed the guidance religiously.
Every day at breakfast, I announce that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.
It was my longest running joke of the year.
Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging, but then don’t go.
A Spanish-speaking magician announced that he would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos..." POOF!!
He disappeared without a tres.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
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