While playing Mortal Kombat in Sweden, what does the announcer say at the end of a fight?

Finnish Him!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a potato announcer

A CommenTater

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamelSkate
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the announcer for the Miners Soccer League say when someone scores?

COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAL

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HVDREW
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the potato let his daughter marry the sports announcer?

He was a commentator

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Houstache
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I was told that I would never be a good sports announcer because I’m from Idaho.

They told me it’s because I’m just a common-tater.

(Told by my father-in-law)

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanmbaldwin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A fish wanted to be a Radio Announcer

But when he finally went on air, he died.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iTzMoys
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the boxing announcer say to the textbook?

And in the left corner, paper weight champion of the world....

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue-Faces
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the announcer say to the Britain's Got Talent contestant?

Europe next.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arnav_is_Awesome
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
LA Dodger Ryu Hyun Jin is getting married to announcer Bae Ji Hyun!

No word yet on where the couple will be spending their hyunymoon.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thehofstetter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Announcers: "And a foul was called on the drive."

Dad: "It wasn't a foul on the drive, it was a foul on the player. Idiots."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mewurby
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is it helpful for radio announcers to have small hands?

Wee paws for station identification.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2017
🚨︎ report
While watching football, the announcer mentioned the team averaged 6-1/2 sacks a game. My wife says "How do you get half a sack?"...

... I told her "Ask Lance Armstrong."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeatherDan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
🚨︎ report
While watching (American) football this past Sunday the announcer says, "...the ground can't cause a fumble." This prompts my dad to look at me and say

You'd think the ground would know that by now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Etheril
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
🚨︎ report
Over 100 years ago 2 brothers announced that they could fly.

Turns out, they were Wright.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...

Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I would like to announce that I am no longer a masterbater.

I am now a doctorbater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Johnson and Johnson have announced their new vaccine

it heard its going to be called No More Tiers

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkullduggeryUK
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced β€œβ€˜twas the knife before Christmas!”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mother_of_baggins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The College Board announced today that it will be dropping the essay section from the SAT.

It’ll now just be called the T.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tietjen1209
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
So, they have just announced the tenth Fast and Furious movie...

Fast 10 Your Seat Belts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.

He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Apple announced a new product for wives that helps cope with spontaneous dad jokes throughout their day.

The iRoll

Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I told my wife we've struck gold and she immediately upgraded to the newest iRoll v2 software!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Use2HandsPlease
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the bell pepper practice archery?

Because he didn't habenero!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Santa Claus announced that he’s giving everyone the same gardening tool for Christmas.

Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stchrysostom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...

It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The Rock announced that he, his wife, and their 2 daughters have recovered from Covid.

They first suspected they had it when no one could smell what he was cooking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scooter_Dooder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.

They’re going to call it the iAye

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockhardManstrong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
CDC just announced that due to COVID people over 5’5 shouldn’t be getting together for the holidays.

I guess only small gatherings are allowed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend announced that he parkoured his way to the top of a pub, but nobody cared.

After all, it was a low bar to climb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retrohero5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A Spanish-speaking magician announced that would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos...." POOF!

He disappeared without a tres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The Catholic Church announced it is creating an MMO

Massively Multiprayer Online

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wofguy3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization announced dogs cannot contract COVID-19 and indicated they should no longer be quarantined.

WHO let the dogs out.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"

"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.

Bernie.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefan715
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....

the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Thank you and have a nice day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Just figured I’d announce that I’ll be doing a theatrical performance on puns later this week.

It’s a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorHelios1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear disney is announcing a new princess?

Mozzarella, she's italian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...

"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Announcement In Bar

A guy walks into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a .9mm Smith and Western with an eight shot magazine and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife."

A deep voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I got annoyed because the russet potatoes were announcing everything I did.

Then I realized they’re just common taters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FutureAEMT97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My dadjoke for the day

My wife (japanese) was preparing her breakfast which for her usually includes numerous small dishes and rice. Well she announced to me. "I'm not eating rice today."

I immediately replied "Honey, you cant say that."

"That's Rice-ist"

Cue eyeroll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iron_Undies
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
FBI has just announced about a mole on their organization. They are consulting Harry Potter about the situation

since he is good at catching snitches

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doktorstrange7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Fidelity just announced a retirement plan for Rock β€˜n Rollers

It’s called the David Lee Roth.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/demaionewton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.

Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megamouth2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Stores are reopening after lockdown, and the Lego store has announced its reopening.

However, I recommend avoiding it, people will be lined up for blocks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The W.H.O just announced COVID-19 is now a pandemic.

Friend: Who?

Me: The who

Friend: Who?

Me: SIGH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Churches had to disband when it was announced there would be no more mass gatherings.

They followed the guidance religiously.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Chosen_Pun_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Every day at breakfast, I announce that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It was my longest running joke of the year.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging, but then don’t go.

It’s a running joke.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A Spanish-speaking magician announced that he would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos..." POOF!!

He disappeared without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeataylorr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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