I was outraged.
Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins...
He nearly kilt me. I poked him in the aye in defense.
Apparently I had crossed the Florida Georgia Line
He flipped... XD
I just lost it.
I got arrested for domestic violins
He was temper errorly disabled
When I broke up with her things got a little dicey.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
Me: My love for you is 0/0 Her: Aww, infinite? Me: Nahh,Undefined. Her: Why are you like this, is there no limit to your stupidity? Me: Umm, now that you say it, I should've applied a limit to it. Her: I want to break your bones, ugh. Me: So are you saying that I'll have to re-visit the l'hospital?
Please donβt resort to violins and anger if you donβt notice.
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Itβs all the rage.
You could say they're all the rage.
"Well at least I'm not walking around the house going "Hurgerbgehbh blurgeblegh blurgega, hurr dee hurr, derr!"
To which my dad said,
"Yes you are".
You have died of dissin' Terry.
Itβs called Why is the hostess crying again?
Not everyone has a method to their madness.
Itβs all the rage.
He became teed off when he teed off into the trees...
Gingerly
We are average parents.
A group of college kids were having the time of their lives, a few feet away.
They noticed Liam, and how lonely he was.
They start making fun of Liam, about how sad and depressed he looked.
He,liam was too noble for anger, and didn't react.
He just said
All my friends Argon.
They just Sheikh it off
It's putting on socks that seems to anger him the most.
...so I invited him to comb over to my house.
He pulled his hare out.
It was too much fizzical labor.
I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didnβt end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I donβt trust them, theyβre always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.
I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me heβs guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. Iβm not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as Iβm usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.
They will roux the day that they anger me.
The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
1 Β - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2Β Β - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3Β Β - Half the people you know are below average.
4Β Β - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6 Β - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7Β Β - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 Β - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
9 Β - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
There was once a communist dictator who was unable to fulfill his promises of peace, land, and bread. Angered, the citizens of his country demanded he apologize and tell them his plans for the future. All night, he thought about what he would say. When he finally got on the stage, the crowd was eager to hear him β but he didnβt speak. Why?
I donβt know. He was just Stalin.
They were discussing an advent calendar which had angered people because the part of Baby Jesus was played by a sausage.
One of the panelists, I think Mo Rocca, quipped that people were frank-incensed.
To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.
On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.
βDaaaaaddd!!!!β I wailed in tears.
Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said βWell, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.β
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins...
I guess the term "conjoined twins" is what they prefer.
I just lost it.
They will give you a piece of your mind.
I just lost it.
I just lost it.
