Because it was de-livered.
Itβs called Tailor Swift.
Heβs Jack in the box.
He was in De-Nile
"sounds like a prime choice," I replied.
"Heck, that baby could grow up to be a girl on fire," I continued.
"Please stop," my wife said.
http://i.imgur.com/g46ulSE.png
and my dad looked at me and goes "I didn't realize we were in an online retailer!!!"
Shared an article with friends talking about how much of a let down the sales were for the Amazon Prime Day today.
Friend: "Go figure. All hype, no deliver."
Me: "Well, they are delivering. Two-day free shipping even!"
Amazon lobsters in Maine attempt to unionize, but wind up in hot water. In an interview, Jeff Bezos simply stated, βPass the butter.β
(Context: our Amazon Alexa uses the keyword 'echo' and my daughter doesn't have one in her room)
The following conversation took place in my daughter's room:
Me: Echo, turn on the lights.
Daughter: There's no echo in here.
Me: Pardon?
Daughter: There's no echo in here.
My four year old was watching a Disney movie while I was in the kitchen. The app we use for Disney on the tv is horribly unreliable (Disney life on amazon firestick), randomly freezing or restarting whatever we're watching.
Anyway, I'm scoffing a cake I don't want her to have when I hear a shout.
"Daddy, the film is frozen."
I go through, look at the TV and tell her "No it's not, that's Moana."
I think it's the first time she's both gotten one of my jokes and appreciated how crap it is. Her eye roll and "ugh" brought a tear to my eye.
While shopping with the wife today, we found a Lego set on our niece's wishlist that was even cheaper than Amazon. So, naturally, we jumped on it. Going through checkout, I looked at the box, then I looked at my wife. All I said to her was that I hope she would forgive me for what I was about to do. Her response: "don't you dare."
Fast forward 15 seconds, and it's our turn in line. As the cashier is about to scan the toy, I pointed out that the set has 446 pieces. "Is that ok for the 10 items or less line?" My wife quickly told her to ignore me.
He's someone who has been very creative in his ways when he delivers his jokes to his victims, I'm a bit ashamed I didn't see this one coming
He called me on the phone, saying he needed help with doing something, sounding fairly serious on phone. He said "soljakwinever I need your help with something on amazon. I keep searching for lighters and it's not working right. Can you open it on your phone for me" Recently he's been asking me for help with some computer stuff, I built it for him lately and it's got nothing problems, blue screens over stuff, he's very smart but I wouldn't say he's anywhere near 'tech-literate'. But his is getting issues like I've never seen. So I assumed he needed help with something like that. I answered "Sure Bryan. Let my just open the app." Pulling Amazon up on my phone. "So what did you need help with? Something about lighters" I ask. He replies still sounding serious "I keep searching for lighters and the app keeps showing me matches. Can you try it and see if that happens to me too." I type 'Lighter' into the search bar, submit the search and looking at my results, seeing product listings for lighters. "Looks normal to me. I'm seeing nothing but lighters" He responds starting to crack "Yeah! Nothing but matches!"
I got played.
EDIT: Wording fix
I recently bought a pool on Amazon and the height wasn't even close to what was advertised.
You can go there to read my review in depth.
"Did you know," he said, "forest area about the size of a football field is cut every hour in the Amazon rainforest?" "No wonder Brazil is so good at football," I replied.
Ok so here's what you do.
Go onto Amazon or Ebay or whatever and purchase a small dog cage. Make SURE that is is made of either completely STEEL. Nothing else. Get advanced shipping or whatever gets it to your door as fast as humanly possible. Now wait patiently for your package to arrive. Once the delivery person knocks on your door to get you to sign for your package tell them to wait until you open the box. If they seem leery of you explain that you have had trouble in the past with your parcels and you just want to make sure that your order is correct. Open the box and remove the cage from the box. Inspect it thoroughly. Now LISTEN CAREFULLY! This is the part you can't mess up. Look up from the cage and stare into that poor delivery person's eyes. Like so deep you can see their ancestors. Say these exact words. "I knew it... I can't believe I ordered a nickel less cage."
so I started working in the Amazon warehouse.
I work at Speedway, and I was stocking coffee creamers, when this exchange went down;
Me: "Hey, do we have any more of that Stok creamer in the back?"
Him: "Nah, we're actually... out of Stok."
Me: "Get out."
Note: He has a 3 month-old daughter now, so I guess I should get used to it.
I was riding my bike home at night after work and I stopped at McD's to grab a burger. I was wearing my headlamp and an old man that was in the lobby asked me "Does that ever make you feel light-headed?" I groaned and congratulated him on being a grand dad.
