At this rate, I’ll finish reading the dictionary in a month or so.
I was 16 and at a rowing regatta I was competing in. It was middle of the day and very hot everyone was under these massive gazebo/tent structures with big guide wires and these huge rusty steel tent pegs sledgehammered into the dirt.
Anyways I was running late for my race and my crew were yelling at me so I started running. The shortest way was through the spectator area on a big downhill towards the water so at full pace I went that way.
About halfway the top of my barefoot trips on the rusted top of one of these steel pegs and I fall face first and tumble through the dirt with my foot and ankle split open.
People run from all directions, medical staff etc someone holds a towel over my head for shade and I see my dad. He's looking down at me but it's hard to see through the dirt in my eyes and people around.
He asks "bloody hell mate, what happened?".
In agony I manage a "I kicked a tent peg".
He knelt down beside me, looked me in the eye and said "how far did it go?"
Because to the French, bread is pain.
i said "of course, these shoes are killing me!"
A nurse comes up to the first man and says, “Congratulations! You are the proud father of a pair of twins!”
“That’s funny...” the man said, “I work for Twin Peaks!”
Another nurse comes into the room and goes to the second man and says, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to triplets!”
“That’s funny...” the second man said, “ I work for the 3M company!”
Yet another nurse comes into the room and says to the third man, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to quadruplets!”
“That’s so funny...” said the third man, “I work at the Four Seasons Hotel!”
The last man is groaning and whining in obvious agony, “What’s wrong?” the other men ask.
“I work at Seven Eleven.” He replied.
Happy Fathers Day!
suffer the agony of defeat.
I replied in agony nice toe meet you.
Because they like the taste of defeat.
They are suffering from the agony of de feet.
I suffered the agony of defeat.
Really? I have feet in mine.
No dad! It really hurts.
That's called agony of defeat.
I had agony of de feets
The suffered the agony of de-feet.
Wife: Huh, looks like someone left their bike there.
Someauthor: No, no. It's lying down because it's two-tired.
Wife: uughhhh
Someauthor's Dad: Nice! That was a really good one, well done.
Wife: uugghhhhhhh (with deeper agony)
Someauthor: I think I leveled up.
I was just randomly visiting my dad. He woke up when i was there. He opens his eyes, he's in agony and uses, what looks like all his strength to raise his finger pulse oximeter and says "E.T phone..... your mother"
I just remembered this. It was 20 years ago and I'm happy to say he is still telling terrible jokes to this day
I was testing my daughter over dinner tonight..
What is an Adjective? I asked.
Daughter: it describes something.
What is a noun?
Daughter: A person, place, or thing.
What is a pronoun?
Daughter:.... I don't remember...
Me: "It's a person, place, or thing that does that for a living."
My wife actually laughed out loud at this one! first time she's ever laughed at a dad joke! Once I explained it my daughter just groaned in agony. I'm so proud... of myself!
Yesterday, I was running back from the school bus after asking the driver to give me a moment because my disabled son had had an accident and I was about finished cleaning him up. It was raining and muddy and I was in my bare feet, but this is the norm out here.
On the way back I managed to get my big toenail ripped up off the nailbed down to about halfway to the cuticle. Never done that before in 31 years, and oh my, I have to say it was a whole different level of exquisite agony when I finally noticed it. Funny how you never notice things like that until you see all the blood and how it doesn't even hurt until you touch it.
Sparing you the details of tracking in blood for five minutes before I even noticed I'd done it, the husband cringed quite a bit when he got home from work and saw it.
Fast forward to today--my period started and I had one hell of a headache all day long. He gets home from work and asks, "you ok, babe?" Because I'm usually pretty cheerful when he walks in the door, but today I was cranky as fuck.
"Eh, period started. Headache. Glad you're home, I can take a pain pill and you can watch the kids."
"Oh." He looked me up and down slowly and grinned. "So... now you're hurting from head... to toe?"
Motherfucker.
Told nurse she had a crappy job. Rest of the patients groaned. (not sure if it was all my joke or they were just in general agony)
Him: I have blisters from my new shoes!
Me: that's not going to be your only agony of de feet!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xX2LYyaaaU
Michael explores the agony of the zoo and talks about the regal and elegant Cheetah...
Covered my eye pretending to be in agony.
Gf: "are you ok?"
Me: "its.....it's my left eye, it's not right"
Gf: (slightly panicked) "what's the matter"??
Me: "it's left." :D
At this rate, I’ll finish reading the dictionary in about a month.
At this rate, I’ll be able to finish reading the dictionary in about a month.
