A mother is opening the mail at home one night. She began adamantly reminding him they were out of baby powder as she’s tearing into their bank statement. When she sees it, she marches to the father sitting in his chair and says β€œWhat is this $730.88 spent at the Treasure Chest, Donny?!”

All he said was β€œI don’t know what you’re talcum β€˜bout.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mathis730
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
ADAM IT IS I, YOUR LORD GOD!

"No way!"

"YAHWEH!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BoobsRmadeforboobing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD.

It cuts like a knife.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 287
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It is Christmas Eve

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tvz32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say to Eve on December 31st and Jan 1st?

Happy New Years Eve

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/a_user_has_no_shame
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius...

But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.

Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/csteelatgburg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If science has taught me anything, it’s to never trust an Adam

They make up everything

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t Adam and Eve gamble in the garden of Eden?

Because God took away their paradise.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kerfandrosSr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Adam Lambert say when you tell him you did your math homework in the snow?

"Don't give a damn about your cold calculation."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PainHarbingerIsHere
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't trust stairs.

They're always up to something or they always let you down.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 87
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Not specifically a joke but....

Today my wife was making oatmeal cookies, and was getting rolled oats out of the cupboard. I adamantly told her to STOP and she can't use them yet. Grabbing them, I proceeded to walk across the kitchen, and roll them across the floor. "There. NOW you have rolled oats," I say. Only to receive a facepalm and to be told to get out of the kitchen...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/medaele
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If boys have Adam's apple, what do girls have?

Eve's drop

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AVKD14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Adam said to Eve when she was feeling sleepy?

Everest

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the 80s singer who was utterly unyielding in attitude or opinion in spite of all appeals?

He was AdamAnt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/anarchyinyourhead
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24?

It's Christmas, Eve!

Ps Merry Christmas, happy holidays etc etc to all my fellow dads and dad joke lovers πŸ‘

πŸ‘οΈŽ 102
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/randomgeekydad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œWhat day is today, Adam?”

β€œFor the last time, it’s Christmas, Eve.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a joke about a grizzly in my car but i always forget the punch line ..

Bear with me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/azzapro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Never believe anyone named Adam

They make up everything.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SVS4385
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œWhat day is today, Adam?”

β€œFor the last time, it’s Christmas, Eve.”

Edit: Thanks for so much love. Merry Xmas!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...

Because Adams make up everything!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Bread puns (by Adam Tote)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Doco12399
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
At what time of the day was Adam created? /r/Christianity/comments/…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mickets
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Some Christmas Dad Jokes

Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?

Because they are rain-deer.

Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?

He had low elf esteem.

source

Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?

They always drop their needles.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?

Frostbite

​What did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?

It's Christmas Eve!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The first computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple that barely had any memory. One byte, and everything crashed.

It probably ran on Python

Credit: u/FriendofHolySpirit

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cubic-Zirconia
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say the night before Christmas?

It's Christmas eve

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/longnamewithnospaces
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say to Eve the day before Christmas?

Merry Christmas Eve

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cusecuse23
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say the night before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD

It cuts like a knife

πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ball-_-fondler
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

β€œIt’s Christmas, Eve!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/90eight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I misplaced my pizza cutter so I had to use my Bryan Adams cd.

It cuts like a knife.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CobaltD70
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I couldn't find my pizza cutter last night, so I used an old Bryan Adams album.

Because it cuts like a knife.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ShawntheShiba
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with very limited memory. Just 1 byte and everything crashed!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Edits: Thanks for all the awards!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/deant_b01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I lost my pizza cutter so I had to use a Bryan Adams CD instead

In case anyone is wondering it cuts like a knife

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mcdolsa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My pizza cutter broke the other day so I used an old Bryan Adams CD

Cuts like a knife!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/338geek
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.

And then everything crashed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I lost my pizza cutter last night...

so I used my Bryan Adams CD, it cuts like a knife

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Evening_Flatworm5850
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say to Eve the night before Christmas?

It’s Christmas Eve. (I’ll let myself out...)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 88
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChewbaccaNZ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moses10960
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Joshifi3d
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Adam say to his wife the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas Eve

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the worlds oldet computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve?

The computer was branded by apple, but it had very limited memory. It only had 1 byte and then everything crashed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/masesarkidd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.