A mother is opening the mail at home one night. She began adamantly reminding him they were out of baby powder as sheβs tearing into their bank statement. When she sees it, she marches to the father sitting in his chair and says βWhat is this $730.88 spent at the Treasure Chest, Donny?!β
All he said was βI donβt know what youβre talcum βbout.β
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jul 28 2018
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
ποΈ 11k
π
οΈ Dec 18 2020
ADAM IT IS I, YOUR LORD GOD!
ποΈ 24
π
οΈ Feb 06 2021
I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD.
ποΈ 287
π
οΈ Dec 19 2020
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Feb 06 2021
What did Adam say to Eve on December 31st and Jan 1st?
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Dec 31 2020
We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius...
But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.
ποΈ 14k
π
οΈ Nov 28 2020
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.
Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Oct 17 2020
If science has taught me anything, itβs to never trust an Adam
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Oct 14 2020
Why couldnβt Adam and Eve gamble in the garden of Eden?
Because God took away their paradise.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Sep 16 2020
What does Adam Lambert say when you tell him you did your math homework in the snow?
"Don't give a damn about your cold calculation."
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Sep 11 2020
I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something or they always let you down.
ποΈ 87
π
οΈ Dec 14 2020
Not specifically a joke but....
Today my wife was making oatmeal cookies, and was getting rolled oats out of the cupboard. I adamantly told her to STOP and she can't use them yet. Grabbing them, I proceeded to walk across the kitchen, and roll them across the floor. "There. NOW you have rolled oats," I say. Only to receive a facepalm and to be told to get out of the kitchen...
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Nov 29 2020
If boys have Adam's apple, what do girls have?
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Feb 28 2020
What did Adam said to Eve when she was feeling sleepy?
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Jun 13 2020
Did you hear about the 80s singer who was utterly unyielding in attitude or opinion in spite of all appeals?
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jan 20 2021
What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24?
It's Christmas, Eve!
Ps Merry Christmas, happy holidays etc etc to all my fellow dads and dad joke lovers π
ποΈ 102
π
οΈ Dec 24 2019
βWhat day is today, Adam?β
βFor the last time, itβs Christmas, Eve.β
ποΈ 54
π
οΈ Dec 24 2019
I had a joke about a grizzly in my car but i always forget the punch line ..
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Nov 11 2020
Never believe anyone named Adam
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Feb 25 2020
βWhat day is today, Adam?β
βFor the last time, itβs Christmas, Eve.β
Edit: Thanks for so much love. Merry Xmas!
ποΈ 4k
π
οΈ Dec 24 2017
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...
Because Adams make up everything!
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Nov 20 2019
Bread puns (by Adam Tote)
ποΈ 1k
π
οΈ Aug 16 2017
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 08 2020
Some Christmas Dad Jokes
Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?
Because they are rain-deer.
Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?
He had low elf esteem.
source
Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?
They always drop their needles.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?
Frostbite
βWhat did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?
It's Christmas Eve!
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Dec 01 2020
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
ποΈ 2k
π
οΈ Apr 15 2020
The first computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple that barely had any memory. One byte, and everything crashed.
It probably ran on Python
Credit: u/FriendofHolySpirit
ποΈ 45
π
οΈ Sep 14 2018
What did Adam say the night before Christmas?
ποΈ 35
π
οΈ Dec 24 2020
What did Adam say to Eve the day before Christmas?
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Dec 24 2020
What did Adam say the night before Christmas?
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Dec 24 2020
I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD
ποΈ 37
π
οΈ Nov 20 2020
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
βItβs Christmas, Eve!β
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Dec 24 2020
I misplaced my pizza cutter so I had to use my Bryan Adams cd.
ποΈ 71
π
οΈ Oct 09 2020
I couldn't find my pizza cutter last night, so I used an old Bryan Adams album.
Because it cuts like a knife.
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Nov 10 2020
The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with very limited memory. Just 1 byte and everything crashed!
ποΈ 20
π
οΈ Nov 29 2020
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Edits: Thanks for all the awards!
ποΈ 10k
π
οΈ Apr 25 2020
I lost my pizza cutter so I had to use a Bryan Adams CD instead
In case anyone is wondering it cuts like a knife
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Oct 16 2020
My pizza cutter broke the other day so I used an old Bryan Adams CD
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Oct 15 2020
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
ποΈ 2k
π
οΈ Aug 07 2019
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.
And then everything crashed.
ποΈ 12k
π
οΈ Dec 16 2018
I lost my pizza cutter last night...
so I used my Bryan Adams CD, it cuts like a knife
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Jan 20 2021
What did Adam say to Eve the night before Christmas?
Itβs Christmas Eve.
(Iβll let myself out...)
ποΈ 88
π
οΈ Nov 08 2019
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
ποΈ 1k
π
οΈ Feb 15 2018
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Dec 23 2019
What did Adam say to his wife the day before Christmas?
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Dec 25 2019
Did you know the worlds oldet computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve?
The computer was branded by apple, but it had very limited memory. It only had 1 byte and then everything crashed
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Dec 04 2019
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