What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
π︎ 230
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
People act like the North and South poles are exactly the same
...but really, thereβs a whole world of differences between them.
π︎ 40
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
What did Zeus say when he saw everyone getting drunk and acting foolish on Mt. Olympus?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
My Wife told our kids they need to get their acts together.
I asked if it would be ok if they gathered their swords instead. She was not amused.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?
Because they arenβt just difficult, they are neigh impossible!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
So thereβs this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that heβd vanish on the count of three. βUnoβ βDosβ
And then he vanished, without a tres.
π︎ 56
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
I went to the psychiatrist because I keep acting like a dog.
Doc: lie down on the couch and weβll discuss this.
Me: Iβm not allowed on the couch.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
I wonβt act like Iβm not impressed
π︎ 5k
π
︎ May 19 2020
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ May 31 2020
I'm thinking of entering a talent show. I have two ideas for my act. Either a Blues Traveler cover band, or an impression of Richard Nixon.
I'm hoping to win, by Hook or by Crook.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
π︎ 110
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
My wife told me sheβll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
Iβm not too worried, I think sheβs jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
π︎ 518
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
My friend told me, βYou have a B.A., Masterβs, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.β
It was a third degree burn.
π︎ 484
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
I just saw a couple guys in white face act like they were caught in a trap and can't walk out.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
See what I did there?
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
If PMS is Overy-acting..
Do they perform in a period piece?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
People act really weird on the Metro
It must be a sub-culture...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
The polar bear was acting weird at the zoo
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
What do you call a dead chef that was acting fishy?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
My carpal tunnel syndrome is acting up
It could all be fixed with a simple tendon transplant, but the surgery is so expensive, and I'm really worried about going under the knife. I guess it's just not a wrist I'm willing to take.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
Ever since my sex change my son acts like Iβm not here...
Maybe itβs because Iβm trans-parent
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
So they are making this movie where Michael J. Fox voice acts for a time traveling chicken.
They call it Bawk to the Future.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 01 2020
I look just like my dad, but Iβm really embarrassed by how he acts.
Heβs my apparent aberrant parent
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
My wife takes away my inhaler whenever I act up
To this day, she still takes my breath away
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
I was taking my children on a tour of the largest territory in Canada, but they kept acting up so I turned around and went home.
My wife was mad about it, but I don't care! I was having Nunavut!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
How do you get a squirrel to like you ?
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
Act as if you are a carrier...
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
I've just finished a really good book entitled 'Acted' - I don't really understand the relevance of the title, but the book is about censorship. Anyway, I think everyone should
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
Her: I have ovaries.
Him : Is that why you ovary act
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
The following depicts scenes of gratuitous heteronormative sexual acts
Sensitive viewers are advised to avert their gays
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 21 2020
Awkward stage
π︎ 87
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
My stomach is acting up
I have a bad case of dire rear
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 07 2020
I suddenly couldn't go out and act because I received lots of crates of materials...
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 24 2020
I had to reprimand my son for cutting up his dumplings at the Chinese restaurant last night.
I can't condone such wonton acts of destruction.
π︎ 55
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?
Because they arenβt just difficult, they are neigh impossible!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
What did 2 say to 3 when 6 was acting like a dick.
He's just a product of our times
π︎ 39
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot ?
"Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times"
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt worry about him. Heβs just a product of our times.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jul 20 2019
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo..
So I had to put my foot down
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
π︎ 831
π
︎ Feb 28 2020
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.
More on this after the break.
π︎ 666
π
︎ Jan 15 2020
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