"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
Because they drank the t.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
A private tutor
(Jersey accent) I don't know, Alaska.
Because they drank all the tea
Under the sea.
He's pulled over for having a broken tail light and before the officer lets him go he asks "what's in this truck anyway?"
Escargot.
Biking.
Me: Daddy I’m thirsty!
My dad: Hi thirsty I’m Fridy lets go Saturdy and get a Sundy.
I’m sure it’s not original but it makes me laugh to think of how I was making my dad insane asking for a DRIIINNNKKK and he would always come back with this.
"CAW! CAW!"
Who’s there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes Sean Connery
Potato potato.
Chicken sees a salad
Which one is cornea?
Don't knock it until you've tried it.
So my dad's telling my relatives the story of how my mom was in labor for 12 hours so they named me 'Laura' which if you say it in Vietnamese accent it's 'Lau-ra' which means "Long time to come out"...
IMAGINE FINDING OUT AFTER 21 YEARS YOUR NAME IS A FUCKING PUN ..
A heart shaped bread. (she pronounced it "hot" with a heavy British accent). This is her Valentine day joke. I am a proud dad.
He was discussing vehicles with his friend and his friend asked if he had a truck. The Californian man responds, “no, but I avocado”
Because they always bring their Eh Game.
"Well prayed"
Because the rest of the letters were not-E.
Grandfather- I'm making chili. You know how many beans to put in it?
Me- no idea.
Grandfather- 239, any more and it becomes too farty.
Eventually my Dad said "I think she's Russian." Without missing a beat I replied "huh, she doesn't seem to be that busy." Cue loud groans and moans from the rest of the table.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Me: "Because the basement is down under the house"
